It is possible to grow up and still let the juice run down your chin.

Our culture is full of tales that suggest there is a prime way to live life; movies, music and books that implore you to chase your dreams, to leave the safe confines of your daily routine, to reach out and grab life by the whatevers, because, you know, you only live once.  It’s a moving, inspiring narrative.  The thing is, you see, in our society, typically when someone does that sort of thing, we all look at them like they’re crazy.  I can’t believe she just up and moved to New York—to be an actress!  She had a pretty good job here, too.  She’s nuts!

And so on.

This is not going to be a piece of writing where I tell you how you should be living.  For the most part, how you are living is between you and, possibly, those closest to you.  It’s got nothing to do with me.  They make so many movies etc suggesting you grab life by the armpits because those kinds of things make money.  People love to be told how they are pissing away their existence.  Why?  Because almost everyone is, in some way, convinced they actually are pissing away their existence.

It’s hard to know how to live your life, right?  By the time you get one thing figured out, one part of you fully colored in, you’ve changed in other ways, and now you’re chasing other ghosts, ironing out new parts of you, nursing new interests.  The songs tell you to chase your dream but very few of us have just one enormous dream.  Most of us are a collection of dozens of itsy bitsy dreams.  I don’t suggest driving your car off a cliff over an itsy bitsy dream.

All I’m personally concerned with is being passionate, living with vigor.  I keep changing, evolving; it’s like I’m in the center of an orchard that is spinning around me and I’m leaping at fruit as they fly past.  Even as I near my fortieth year, I find my changes accelerating: I would be unrecognizable even to my thirty-year-old self.  With so much swirling into and out of my crosshairs, it’s impossible to laser-focus on something.  What I need is passion for everything.  The racing heart, smelling the book, walking outside in the cold to take the photograph, the peach juice running down your chin, holding Her as tight as I can.  I don’t need to move to New York to be an actress to squeeze the juice out—but maybe you do, so maybe you should.

And maybe you’re OK with rote routine, eating your food and drinking your water just to stay alive as long as possible.  That’s fine, too.  Like I said, this isn’t a piece of writing to tell you how to live your life.  That’s got nothing to do with me, because nobody’s paying me to write this.

But me, I need passion.

***********************************************************************

For a few years in my early twenties I was passionate about Alcoholics Anonymous.  I mean that’s who I was for a little while.  I thought it was the life for me.  After being tentative and gradually going into that world, I fully immersed myself once comfortable.  I would get phone calls late at night and go talk to a drunk in need.  I gave a talk to troubled teens attending an early intervention class at a local church.  Almost all of my friends were members of AA.  We went to meetings together, then went out for coffee afterward, then sometimes even back to an apartment or house for a movie night after the coffee.  We took road trips together to meetings and seminars.  At the time, I was still considered a “young person in sobriety” (I was 25-26) and my closest AA buddies and I went to the Pennsylvania Convention of Young People in Alcoholics Anonymous (known as “Pennsypaa”).  We took over a hotel in downtown Baltimore (that’s right, it was in Baltimore–they like to make it a nice trip for everyone no matter where you live in the state) for three whole days.  That’s how passionate I was about Alcoholics Anonymous.  In addition to tons of panels and activities, there was also a room where they had round-the-clock meetings, one an hour, for the whole three days.  I made it my mission to do a stretch of 24 hours straight, but I think I only got 7 or 8 before I had to go sleep.  I had my favorite AA jokes (“They asked me to go to that meeting and give a talk on humility, but I said I’d only do it if enough people showed up”), I had my favorite chapters in the Big Book (“Us Agnostics”), and on and on.  It was my life and I thought it would always be.  It isn’t my life anymore, though.  It hasn’t been for a very long time.  Those guys I went to Baltimore with–there is only one of them I am still in touch with.  But that’s how it is supposed to be, back before social media changed our expectations; people, like passions, are allowed to come and go.  You can let them go.

***********************************************************************

Like most of my blog entries lately, I’m just kind of thinking out loud here.  Don’t look too hard for an overarching theme or thesis.  As my birthday approaches I’m doing a little taking stock.  Certainly my life right now is the most amazing it’s ever been–it is not putting on a front to say that.  People think that if you say your life is amazing on the internet that you must be lying, but they think that because their lives are not amazing.  I assure you mine is.

No, I am not taking stock of my life in some way that implies it needs improved, but rather, to discern just how I have changed so much.  This is one of the more massive themes of all the blog entries I’ve ever written: how the old me becomes the new me becomes the old me becomes the new me and on and on and on.  And why do I think you’d want to read about this?  Why, because I assume the same thing is happening to you.

I suppose it’s possible this is not happening to you.  It’s possible the old you became the new you and then you stayed right there, and now you’re just you.  But again, that’s none of my business.

What I want to get at is, how much of those old me’s are still part of me?  Are there fundamental bits of Seth mixed up inside me, that have always been there and shall always remain?  Or do we change, piece by piece, insidiously, until the person we see in the mirror bears no relation to the people we were 10, 20 years ago?

Is there even a way to know the answer?

Sometimes I think the only thing in this world that cuts to any part of the truth of existence is music–music without words–and the only thing I can really create is words, but no music.  So there you have it.  Questions stacked on questions like mirrors looking into mirrors.

***********************************************************************

I’ve seen Pearl Jam live 21 times.  Approximately.  It might be 17.  I know it is more than 15.  At some point in my life I knew that number very concretely.  That is how much has changed within me since I gave up the ghost on Pearl Jam.  For a very long stretch, the band was my life.  I bought everything you can possibly imagine–spending thousands of dollars on the band’s merchandise.  When they would tour, I would take vacations from work and follow them up and down the east coast, staying in hotels by myself in places as diverse as Jersey City to Virginia Beach.  I attended about 75% of those Pearl Jam shows all alone, and did not mind one bit.  I used to tell people I had to go to as many shows as possible because Pearl Jam concerts were “my church”.  Especially the long instrumental parts they would play in “Even Flow” and “rearviewmirror”; I would close my eyes during these times and replay my life up to that point, flipping through memory images, whatever came to mind and seemed significant, and then giving immense thanks that I had come through everything to be in a position to be standing there, right then, as this band was creating this music, and I had enough money to buy the poster and a t-shirt and my own hotel room.  When the band cycled back around to the climax of the song, I’d open my eyes, always tear-filled, and they’d pour down my cheeks, and I’d jump like a maniac as the music built to a catharsis, and I’d scream and pump my fists and let out my barbaric yawp.  It was my church.  I did that for a long time.  Seven or eight years.  But I don’t do that anymore.  I didn’t even look at the setlists for Pearl Jam’s last two tours.  I’m more of a Miles Davis kind of man now.

***********************************************************************

People talk very poorly of “routine”.  They are afraid of falling into routine.  They think routine will just sap the authenticity directly out of your life.

Here is what they mean: they are afraid of getting old and having responsibilities.

Lord knows I was afraid of those things for a very long time.  I lived by myself for a decade and railed against the breakfast-nook-having, 401k-caring-about, child-rearing snoozevilles.  But guess what?  While I was living alone, bitching about all that, I still had a routine.  I may have been able to take road trips more often, stay out late, what-have-you, but ultimately, if what you fear is routine, then you are fucked, mister, because whoever you are and whatever you do, you are already in a routine.

I have a family now.  I am now living much closer to what some people would call a “normal adult life”, and yes, we have a routine.  Having a routine is how you make sure you get out the door in the morning (if that’s what you have to do), get food in your belly, pay the power company on time.  Having a routine and being in the flow of “normal” adult life doesn’t mean your passion has to be siphoned off.

But you gotta work at it.

The last thing I want, as I near forty and the changes inside me keep accelerating, is to live joylessly, simply existing, from one day to the next, sun up, sun down, alarm beeping, alarm beeping.  Luckily my partner is also a person with no interest in living an ordinary life, even if we do want to have breakfast nooks someday and pay attention to our 401ks.  Intense existence and successful adulthood, I think, are not mutually exclusive.

I want our family to be safe from harm but I don’t want to “be safe”.  I want desperately to reach further and further out of my comfort zones.  I want to do new stuff until the day I die.  I don’t want to only listen to the music I loved in high school.  The world is so damn huge.  We’re only here for a blink.

I have learned that it is possible to grow up and still let the juice run down your chin.

Sea of Ice

Famous people I know I would be good friends with if we ever got to know each other:

–Werner Herzog
–Kiefer Sutherland
–Anderson Cooper
–Emily Wells
–Dave Eggers
–Joaquin Phoenix
–Rachel Maddow
–Adam Savage

Oh hey, Karla and I were in line at a store last week.  We were next to be rung out.  We were standing kind of arm-in-arm.   We looked at each other and gave each other two or three quick, successive peck kisses.  The man behind the register threw his arms up in the air and bellowed, “FOLKS!  There’s other people here,” at which point he motioned to the other people in line behind us.  Then he said something along the lines of “Stop that” although I can’t remember his exact wording there.  We were flabbergasted!!  We hadn’t even been close to making out or kissing in any excessive way–whatever that would be!  It’s fair to say my anger was intense.  Karla pointedly asked the man behind us, “Were you offended?” and he said “I’m too tired to be offended.”  We were silent while he rang up our items.  As we walked out I said a very mean thing to him, which I do not feel bad about.

Oh hey, watch this video of Kay Ryan reading her poem “The Turtle”.  I mean wow.  “Her only levity is patience,/ the sport of truly chastened things.”

 

It’s not something you really wanna think about very much, but what songs would you want played at your funeral?  I actually used to think about this a lot, back when I was much more sad all the time, but even now the topic will cross my mind every few months.  Naturally my selections have varied wildly as time goes on and my tastes changed.  For many years I held tightly onto “Light Years” by Pearl Jam being one of the songs played, but that finally slid off the list a few years ago.  And thank goodness–in retrospect I can see that would have been gratuitously sad.  Just way TOO SAD.  Currently I am going with “A Three-Legged Workhorse” by This Will Destroy You, “I’ve Been Asleep For a Long, Long Time” by Hey Rosetta!,  and “Brian and Robert” by Phish.  I recommend trying this exercise yourself.  I think you’ll find it is quite revealing, not just about your musical tastes, but about the entirety of your life.

Here is a (partial) list of things I would try to get good at if I had unlimited time on this Earth:

–playing the guitar
–hiking/camping/climbing
–painting
–the yo yo
–acting
–ice skating

Oh hey, I’m reading a book about the earliest art to depict the polar regions after human exploration had begun there.  It’s a truly intriguing topic and some of this art is just spectacular.  Somewhat realistic based off the descriptions of the men who’d been there but also rather exaggerated and mystical as the place was still one of imagination and perceived danger and death.  Check out “Sea of Ice” by Caspar David Friedrich:

 

 

Who Needs You to Shovel

My neighbors are obsessed with shoveling snow.  Every time it snows more than an inch, there is continual shoveling going on on my street, in the immediate vicinity of my house, for approximately 36 hours straight.  I am talking about perhaps my ten closest neighbors.  The shoveling NEVER.  STOPS.  Shoveling, scraping, pounding of ice in cracks.  It’s like they need to dust for some fingerprints on the concrete.  And listen, each one of these houses has approximately a three-foot-wide sidewalk that stretches the length of their house…maybe 20 feet.  Every time it snows, I shovel my sidewalk, as completely as would be necessary on a street upon which nobody travels, in about five minutes as soon as I get home from work.  After working ten hours.  And riding my bike two miles.  I’m saying: it’s not hard to do.  Now, don’t get me wrong here.  I’m not “complaining” about this.  I know I’ve got a reputation for “complaining” about things (I interpret it as “having opinions”, which comes from “being super fucking intelligent and awake to the machinations of the wider world and structure of reality”, but whatever, if you think I’m a complainer, I’m a complainer), so I don’t want to be seen as particularly complaining about this.  It’s whatever.  You want to shovel your sidewalk ten times after it snows, go for it.  More than anything I just find it peculiar.  Are they just bored?  Or is it a situation of trying to out-do the Joneses?  Plus it is SO COLD right now.  You KNOW I’m a trooper with weather but no way would I be going out repeatedly into that cold just to get my sidewalk–which in all likelihood only the mailman and my own family will walk on—perfect.

I know we don’t live in a world anymore—if ever we did—in which a significant amount of people care about the performances of musicians on late night talk shows.  For quite a few years (as should surprise almost nobody) I was such a person, one who actually paid attention to that world.  I knew the performance lineup from all the shows, almost every week, for about 4 years, I stayed on top of that.  Although lately that world has faded from my attention.  But last week, a band called The Orwells (I can only assume named after author George Orwell)

I hate to seem like a bumpkin, but this is a picture from my very first (solo and sober) cab ride yesterday…I think I’m finally a city boy.

performed their new song “Who Needs You” on the David Letterman show and it was a pretty authentic, impassioned performance, which made some waves big enough that it made its way to my attention.  Now, there was nothing especially outrageous about this performance (other than the lyrics to the song, which nobody seems to have noticed, which include lines like “You better burn that flag/ Cause it aint against the law”…and for the record everybody…it isn’t against the law), except it wasn’t a cookie-cutter, “Let’s nail this!” performance.  It was just a little quirky, a lot impassioned, and fairly off-key.  I like it, but they’re probably not going to become a favorite band of mine (although I have put their album on my “to-buy” list). Although I don’t want to take too much away from the legitimacy of their performance; it WAS reminiscent of the early days of some great bands (who would later, inevitably, lose steam and passion) like the Rolling Stones, Pearl Jam, or The Doors before Morrison died (take note: I hate The Doors).   The more pertinent point of discussion, for me, is: what kind of artistic culture have we fostered where a band simply playing with a bit of abandon on a talk show makes the front page of Rolling Stone‘s website?  How neutered has our art become?  How boring are we?  Watch the performance here, and make sure you stay all the way to the end to see how unexpected Dave and Paul found the performance:

My 7th Favorite Song of All-Time

is:

“Rearviewmirror” by Pearl Jam

No song in my life has meant as much to my sobriety—and hence my continued existence—than “Rearviewmirror” (also known as RVM) by Pearl Jam.

RVM is a song with lyrics that are vague, but are about the narrator overcoming an abusive (or at the very least, very shitty) relationship of some kind.  Eddie Vedder’s intention with these lyrics was almost certainly to convey the triumph over abuse by either a parent or a romantic partner, but thousands of people the world over feel a deep connection to the song, as everyone in the world has some bullshit in their past that once sucked, but they feel they have conquered it.

When I was still a drinking man, I already had a connection to the song: the woman who had broken my heart was the focus of the song’s energy.  I didn’t have a good reason for hating her—she just didn’t love me like I loved her, but it sucked a lot, anyway—but I latched onto the song’s air of “fuck you, I’m better off” and broke a lot of shit in my garage while I was wasted and this song blared.

Later, after I got sober, I was listening to this song sometime during the first few weeks of sobriety, when it occurred to me the lyrics worked perfectly if I made the antagonist alcohol (or alcoholism, if you wish, but that’s a thorny differentiation).  It didn’t take long for me to label it my “sobriety anthem” (along with this song, which sadly missed the cut for this list).  I understand that the term “sobriety anthem” could be a turnoff, and strike some as too self-serious, but if so, you’ve probably never had to go from day to day, not knowing if you’d drink, and if you did, if you’d drink until you lost your job, your friends and family, and died.  If you need a fucking anthem to not do that, you get yourself a fucking anthem.

I latched onto this song more than almost anything during my first two years of sobriety.  My first few blogs borrowed their titles from the lyrics (“The Shades Are Raised” was one, “I Gather Speed” was another).  But nothing could ever beat the first time I saw it played live.  I’ve had plenty of crying fits during songs I have emotional connections to in concerts, but my first RVM (at my second-ever Pearl Jam concert, in Hershey, Pennsylvania, on July 12th, 2003) was a moment of purest emotional astonishment, surely never to be equaled.

I took a drive today,
time  to emancipate.
I guess it was the beatings made me wise.
But I’m not about to give thanks
or apologize.
I couldn’t breathe,
holdin’ me down.
Hand on my face,
kissin’ the ground.
Enmity gauged,
united by fear,
Supposed to endure
what I could not forgive…

I seem to look away,
wounds in the mirror waved.
It wasn’t my surface most defiled.
Head at your feet.
Fool to your crown.
Fist on my  plate,
swallowed it down.
Enmity  gained,
united by fear.
Tried to endure what I could not forgive.
Saw things clearer
once you were in my
rearviewmirror.

I gather speed from you fucking with me.
Once and for all, I’m far away.
I hardly believe, finally the shades are raised.

My 13th Favorite Song of All-Time

is:

“Hard to Imagine” by Pearl Jam

I formed my long-held adoration of Pearl Jam during my most serious drinking years.  They were years filled with mostly sorrow, self-doubt, regret, and love-sickness.  The music and lyrics of Pearl Jam meshed perfectly with this era of my life, and fewer songs left such an impression as “Hard to Imagine”.

I am far from alone in feeling such an intense connection to this song.  It never appeared on an official Pearl Jam album, but is certainly one of their more famous “b-sides”.  Until the mid-2000s, it had only been played live a handful of times, and it became notorious for it’s absence from the band’s live sets as more and more fans expressed their intense emotional connection to the song.  Eventually, around 2007, the band started putting it in setlists to wide acclaim (I knew I’d seen the band too many times when I actually started to feel annoyed by them opening with ‘Hard to Imagine’ again).

What’s interesting about the song is the completely interpretable lyrics.  Sure, Eddie Vedder doesn’t always write the world’s most straight-forward lyrics, but “Hard to Imagine” tells a story that can be viewed from about a hundred angles.  That’s part of what lends itself so well to a wide emotional connection, as well as it’s universal chorus of “Things were different then.  All is different now.  I try to explain…somehow.”  I mean, who doesn’t feel that in your GUT, no matter what you’re going through in life?

Below are the (very short, so read them!) lyrics, and then the studio version of the song, and then the best live version I could find.  I highly encourage everyone to watch and listen to this (everyone!).  I promise—promise!–you will be emotionally affected.

Hard to Imagine
by Pearl Jam

Paint a picture using only grey.
Light your pillow. Lay back. Watch the flames.
I’ll tell a story but no one
would listen that long.

It’s hard to imagine.

Tear into yourself, count days on your arm.
Ah the beating ticking like a bomb.
After having seen all that they saw,
it’s hard to imagine.

Things were different then. All is different now.
I tried to explain, somehow.

Things were different then. All is different now.
I tried to explain. I hope this works somehow.

My 39th Favorite Song of All-Time

is:

“Education” by Pearl Jam

A b-side that didn’t see the light of day until Pearl Jam released an album of b-sides and rarities, “Education” has a funkiness and swagger that is atypical of the band.  Lyrically, it is straight-forward while also containing vast, simplistic wisdom and insight into human nature.  While Eddie Vedder is a tremendous lyricist, “Education” doesn’t approach the subject matter in his usual style.  In many ways, “Education” is wholly unique in the Pearl Jam canon.  I highly encourage you to check out the lyrics after the video.

I’m questioning my education.
Is my education all I am now?
While you’re deciding, I’ve been finding,
Looking around in the here and now.

If I’d been taught from the beginning,
Would my fears now be winning?

I’m questioning my own equation.
Is my own equation relevant somehow?
The flags will wave and the news is breaking.
See the man who can’t pick out his own tie?

If I’d been taught from the beginning
Would my fears now be winning?
A wide world, figured out the answers.
I’ll be in my own, dancing out.

I’m questioning my education.
Rewind it, what does it show?
Could be, the truth, it becomes you.
I’m a seed wondering why it grows.

Even Flow

 

 

 

My 67th Favorite Song of All-Time

My 67th favorite song of all time is:

“Last Exit” by Pearl Jam

Oddly, I didn’t really know I liked this song THIS MUCH until I was making this list and the song just refused to go away.  But it’s true:  literally countless times in my life, this song has pumped me up, made me dance in my car, or dance in my living room, or turn to the person next to me and say, “You know why this song is so good?  It’s dramatic.”  And that’s exactly true.  I have no idea what this song is really about.  Probably suicide, but there are convincing theories of all kinds.  But whatever it’s about, I know it makes me feel like I’m surrounded on all sides by a filthy kind of rock and roll, which is a good feeling.

My 71st Favorite Song of All-Time

is:

“Life Wasted” by Pearl Jam

One of my main “recovery anthems” (and the only one released after I got sober), “Life Wasted” as well as the band Pearl Jam in general, have played a major role in defining who I am today and how I live.  I once wrote this blog entry about how it has affected my life.

You’re always saying that there’s something wrong,
I’m starting to believe it was your plan all along.
Death came around, forced to hear its song,
and know tomorrow can’t be depended on.
I seen the home inside your head,
all locked doors and unmade beds,
open sores unattended.
Let me say just once that
I have faced it,
a life wasted.
I’m never going back again.
I escaped it,
a life wasted.
I’m never going back again.
Having tasted,
a life wasted,
I’m never going back again.

The world awaits just up the stairs.
Leave the pain for someone else.
Nothing back there for you to find,
or was it you, you left behind?
You’re always saying you’re too weak to be strong.
You’re harder on yourself than just about anyone…

Why swim the channel just to get this far?
Halfway there, why would you turn around?
Darkness comes in waves,
tell me, why invite it to stay?
You’re warm with negativity, yes, comfort is an energy,
but why let the sad song play?
I have faced it,…  A life wasted,… I’m never going back again.
Oh I escaped it,…  A life wasted,… I’m never going back again.
Having tasted,…  A life wasted,… I’m never going back again.
Oh I erased it,…  A life wasted,… I’m never going back again.

My 83rd Favorite Song of All-Time

Click here to learn about this list, or click here to see all previous entries.

My 83rd favorite song of all-time is:

“Fits” by Stone Gossard

Not all my favorite songs are from pleasant memories.  I love Stone’s (Pearl Jam’s rhythm guitarist) solo album, Bayleaf, but the entire album was the soundtrack to one of the darkest periods of my life.  None of the songs more so than “Fits”.  It still makes me feel icky…but I can’t deny I have plenty of love for it, too.

All the static in my attic shoots down my side nerve.

I struggle with knowing myself.  I try to be a very self-aware human being, understanding any changes I am going through, my motivations, the way I treat other people.  For most of my adult life (or at least my P.S. life [Post-Sobriety]) I have thought I was pretty good at it.  But lately it’s become more and more clear that that was a foolish, illusory notion.  I have only a glancing understanding of what powers me.  The only thing I am sure of is that I am complicated–not simple–and that my motivations and desires are a shifting, fluid grab-bag.  Go figure.

Dear NFL:  I am a somewhat new convert to enjoying your game and your league.  I can still be won over for life, or lost.  I understand your reasons behind your complicated system for which games get televised in which markets.  I get it and I approve; however, I think sometimes you need to just televise the really desired games.  This season, you’ve got a fantastic story in Tim Tebow.  The drama and storybook quality of it has helped reel me in to your league even more this year, but I’ve only been able to follow it via highlight reels, newspapers, and talk radio.  Not a single Denver Broncos game has been broadcast in my area (unless there was a Monday or Thursday game, in which case, I had to work, but still…not a single Sunday game).  Now today, they are playing the Patriots in a game I would very much like to see.   When you’ve got a golden soap-opera opportunity like this one, you should capitalize on it, not make me watch Bengals vs. Rams.  A glance at the games being televised in my area today reveals nary a single game of interest, either nationally or locally.  I understand you want me to GO to the game, but shouldn’t you, secondarily, at least want me to watch?

I note often (in conversation at least, perhaps not online) how surprised I constantly am by how drastically my likes and dislikes are changing over time, as this strange process of aging continues.  There are obvious things such as my taste in music and movies (which is changing more than my public persona admits to; probably my favorite discovery this year has been this).   But even bigger things are changing;  nothing like my basic philosophical outlooks, but here’s a big one:  this year, I don’t really hate winter.  Previously, hating winter has been a large part of the public image I present to the world, and much like any time these large blocks change, I’ve been hesitant to admit to it publicly (people like keeping you the same in their minds), but I can’t deny it any longer.  I am kind of enjoying the frigid darkness.  I’m curious to see if it lasts.

The title of this entry is just a line from a Pearl Jam song that I was listening to today.  It has no significance.

My hometown (OK, my second hometown) of Carlisle, PA is home to something known as the Carlisle Indian School.  In Carlisle, there is a sense of pride concerning our place in history, as the Indian School is indeed more than a footnote in our national history.  It is just recently that I’ve begun to fully comprehend the vile, evil nature of what our nation did with the Carlisle school and other “Indian schools” that came after it.  So I just want to put it out there, now, that I am no longer proud of the Carlisle Indian School.

When I’m really attracted to a woman, I can be viscerally affected by even her handwriting.

 

I Can’t Quit

When I quit drinking, I substituted caffeine for alcohol.  That wasn’t quite enough so I substituted buying Pearl Jam bootlegs for alcohol, as well.  And then I subsituted working extra hours for alcohol, as well.  And then I ran out of Pearl Jam bootlegs to buy so I substituted DVDs for Pearl Jam bootlegs.  And things still weren’t enough so I substituted sex for alcohol.  And then I tried to quit caffeine so I substituted lifting weights for caffeine.  But I still wanted alcohol so I substituted going to concerts for alcohol.  And I got tired of lifting weights so I substituted hiking for that.  And then I got re-addicted to caffeine.  And then I was having too much sex so I substituted eating for sex.  And then concerts were getting too expensive so I substituted going to the movies for concerts.  And then it was winter so I couldn’t hike so I substituted more eating for that.  And then I tried to quit caffeine again so I substituted going to concerts for that.  And then it was spring so I substituted hiking for going to concerts.  And then I got addicted to caffeine again.  And then I quit smoking and I substituted eating for that.  And then I was eating too much so I substituted working out for that.  But I did too much too fast so I had to substitute even more caffeine for working out.  And then I started eating again.  And I’m still buying a ton of DVDs.  I can’t quit.

Monday’s Song, Sobriety Anniversary Edition: “Rearviewmirror” by Pearl Jam

It had been my goal to never repeat a band on Monday’s Song (believe it or not, I have not used a band twice yet) but in light of yesterday’s anniversary, as well as the fact that I used Pearl Jam very early on in the Monday’s Songs, I felt the need to use “Rearviewmirror” today.  This song was a huge help to me during the early years of my recovery, when I would often refer to it as my “recovery anthem”.  It still is, I just need to go to it less often, but it’s power remains.  It clearly is written about a poisonous human relationship, but to me, it represented me speaking to alcohol.  Make sure you enjoy the fantastic live performance in the video.

 

Rearviewmirror

by Pearl Jam

I took a drive today.
Time to emancipate.
I guess it was the beatings,  made me wise…
but I’m not about to give thanks or apologize.

I couldn’t breathe,
holdin’ me down.
Hand on my face,
pushed to the ground.
Enmity gauged, united by fear.
forced to endure what i could not forgive…

I seem to look away.
Wounds in the mirror waved.
It wasn’t my surface most defiled.
Head at your feet, fool to your crown.
Fist on my plate, swallowed it down.
Enmity gauged, united by fear,
tried to endure what I could not forgive.

Saw things clearer once you were in my
rearviewmirror.

I gather speed from you fucking with me.
Once and for all i’m far away.
Hardly believe… finally the shades are raised.

Check out this link right here.   Days after my top 15 albums of the year post, the Grammy nominations are in, and it’s clear that I’ve got my finger on the pulse!  Nominations for Arcade Fire, Band of Horses, Kings of Leon, and even a Best New Artist nomination for Mumford and Sons!  (also, a nomination for Pearl Jam, which is cool, but it’s for that damn album that I hate more and more every day, which shall not be named, and which I could swear is 2 years old, but still…go PJ!).  Just figured I’d take this opportunity to point out that I know what’s up.  :)

Vote for my new mousepad

So, it’s time for me to get a new mousepad, and I figured since I was having trouble deciding on one, I’d open a poll and let you folks decide for me.  Currently I have a kickass Jack Bauer mousepad that has served me well for a few years, but the bottom of it is becoming frayed and is annoying my wrist.  You can see the fray in this picture I just took of it:

So, here are the options for the replacement pad, with the poll at the bottom.  Thanks for voting!

A Pearl Jam mousepad themed after their "avocado album"---one of my favorite albums of theirs.

 

A super-funky Mr. T mousepad!

Super badass "LOST" mouse pad

Is There a Ghost in My House?

We all know I have a habit of writing a preparatory blog about artists I am about to see in concert a few days before I see them; I do this because most of the bands I like are completely unheard-of, and maybe partly because I’ve run out of truly interesting things to write about, but whatever, you’re here, and that’s all that counts.  I’ll try to keep it short.

Band of Horses is one of those indie bands that is super, super hip inside the indie rock community but will probably never break through to the mainstream, as their music is simply not commercial (though they do have a song, “The Funeral”, that has been used in a few car commercials).  Although, they are quite reminiscent of My Morning Jacket, a band that, despite never having a song on the radio, now plays to sold-out stadiums, so I suppose there’s hope for a large audience for Band of Horses. 

They’re actually a fairly new band.  I’m too lazy to look it up but I wanna say they’ve been around since 2005.  A little over a year ago, I put them at #80 on my list of 100 Favorite Bands.  Now, after a third album has been released, I’m sure they’d enter my top 30.

Here’s their only moderately “famous” song, “The Funeral”.  Lyrics are on the video:

They’re a difficult band to amply describe.  Like My Morning Jacket, they seem to draw equal influence from country, rock, and seventies standards, melding all the sounds into something so cool it’s almost corny, or so corny it’s almost cool.  (“The Funeral” is much more “rock-y” than their typical song).  Witness this song, “Factory”, which seems to meld Big Band, Americana (think The Band or Gov’t Mule) and freak-era Bowie. 

Band of Horses also contains one of the more interesting figures in Indie Rock–Ben Bridwell, lead singer/songwriter.  Much in the way The Lemonheads were not a very famous band, but their lead singer Evan Dando was a major spokesman for the music of their time, Bridwell fronts a laregly ignored band but is one of the more interesting figures in indie rock at the current time.  Couple that with the fact that the band doesn’t tour very much and their tours are very brief, and it does in fact feel very special that I’ll be seeing them next week.

Also, opening for them is a band called Brad.  I do not know Brad’s music very much, but I do know that Brad is a side project of a man named Stone Gossard.  Stone is the rhythm guitarist for Pearl Jam!!!  He’s also my third favorite member of Pearl Jam and my favorite guy named Stone, as well as my favorite guy to ever wear an all-orange outfit!  So even though I don’t know the band’s music very well, it’ll be awesome to see Stone up close and see him playing music in a small venue.

Back to Band of Horses:  this is my favorite song of theirs.  I simply cannot get enough of it!

Monday’s Song: Pearl Jam, “Hard to Imagine”

Hard to Imagine
by Pearl Jam

Paint a picture using only grey.
Light your pillow. Lay back. Watch the flames.
I’d tell a story but no one would listen that long.
It’s hard to imagine.

Tear into yourself, count days on your arm.
Ah, the beating ticking like a bomb.
After having seen all that they saw,
it’s hard to imagine.

Things were different then.
All is different now.
I tried to explain, somehow.

(I hope this works, somehow.)

My 100 Favorite Albums, in Order

Some of you may remember, about a year ago I made a list of my 100 favorite bands in order (that post is here).  Well, here’s a list of my 100 favorite albums!  This list follows (roughly) the same rules and principles as the bands list.  To re-cap those principles:

1.  This is a list of my favorites.  It is not meant to be a definitive “best” list, hence there are no right or wrong entries and you can’t exactly argue with the list, though disagreements are encouraged.

2.  How I made my choices: I pretended I was on a desert island with all 100 discs, then imagined I could only have 99.  Which would I get rid of?  And so on, down the line.  This method creates interesing and unexpected results.

3.  Unlike the bands post, the albums list is not limited to only bands.  However, I did not allow live albums, compilations, or other such anomalies.

4. Much like the bands list, it is clear to me that this list must be in a constant state of flux; this is far from my “permanent” list of favorite albums.  I can’t encourage you enough to do this yourself periodically, it really does reveal sea changes and trends in your own personal tastes.  Without further ado, here is the list:

100. Rage Against the Machine, Evil Empire
99.  Woodpigeon, Treasury Library Canada
98.  Do Make Say Think, You, You’re a History in Rust
97.  Death Cab for Cutie, We’ve Got the Facts and We’re Voting Yes
96.  Nirvana, Nevermind
95.  Drive-By Truckers, The Big To-Do
94.  Working For a Nuclear-Free City, Businessmen & Ghosts
93.  Radiohead, In Rainbows
92.  Seven Mary Three, day&nightdriving
91.  Cold War Kids, Loyalty to Loyalty
90.  Phish, Farmhouse
89.  Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here
88.  Kings of Leon, Because of the Times
87.  The Decemberists, Picaresque
86.  The Ghost is Dancing, The Darkest Spark
85.  Pearl Jam, Binaural
84.  Seven Mary Three, The Economy of Sound
83.  My Morning Jacket, It Still Moves
82.  Barenaked Ladies, Gordon
81.  Pearl Jam, Yield
80.  The Frames, Fitzcarraldo
79.  Death Cab for Cutie, Something About Airplanes
78.  Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Nocturama
77.  Radiohead, OK Computer
76.  The Presidents of the United States of America, The Presidents of the United States of America
75.  Neil Young, Everybody Knows This is Nowhere
74.  Pearl Jam, Riot Act
73.  Explosions in the Sky, All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone
72.  Modest Mouse, Good News For People Who Love Bad News
71.  Tracy Chapman, Tracy Chapman
70.  Nirvana, In Utero
69.  The Cribs, Ignore the Ignorant
68.  Sven Gali, Inwire
67.  Fire on Fire, The Orchard
66.  The National, High Violet
65.  The Pixies, Surfer Rosa
64.  Mogwai, Come On Die Young
63.  Emily Wells, Dirty
62.  Pelican, The Fire in Our Throats Will Beckon the Thaw
61.  Radiohead, Hail to the Thief
60.  Phish, Billy Breathes
59.  Mooney Suzuki, Have Mercy
58.  TV on the Radio, Dear Science
57.  The Arcade Fire, Neon Bible
56.  We Are Scientists, Brain Thrust Mastery
55.  LIVE, Mental Jewelry
54.  Primitive Radio Gods, Rocket
53.  Indigo Girls, Swamp Ophelia
52.  Godspeed You, Black Emperor!, F#A#
51.  The Beatles, Revolver
50.  Hey Rosetta!, Plan Your Escape
49.  Seven Mary Three, Orange Ave.
48.  Pearl Jam, Pearl Jam (The Avocado Album)
47.  Grinderman, Grinderman
46.  My Morning Jacket, Evil Urges
45.  Editors, In This Light and on This Evening
44.  Bush, Sixteen Stone
43.  The Postal Service, Give Up
42.  The Cape May, Glass Mountain Roads
41.  Pearl Jam, Ten
40.  Rage Against the Machine, Rage Against the Machine
39.  Dave Matthews Band, Under the Table and Dreaming
38.  Yeasayer, Odd Blood
37.  Eddie Vedder, Into the Wild Soundtrack
36.  Pink Floyd, Meddle
35.  Stars, In Our Bedroom After the war
34.  Stone Temple Pilots, Purple
33.  Death Cab for Cutie, Narrow Stairs
32.  The Beatles, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club
31.  Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, The Lyre of Orpheus
30.  Silversun Pickups, Carnavas
29.  Neil Young, Mirrorball
28.  Kings of Leon, Only by the Night
27.  The National, The Boxer
26.  Chris Walla, Field Manual
25.  Pearl Jam, Vitalogy
24.  The Cribs, Men’s Needs, Women’s Need’s, Whatever
23.  Cold War Kids, Robbers & Cowards
22.  My Morning Jacket, Z
21.  Phish, Rift
20.  Pink Floyd, The Wall
19.  Explosions in the Sky, The Earth is Not a Cold, Dead Place
18.  Modest Mouse, We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank
17.  Death Cab for Cutie, Transatlanticism
16.  The Airborne Toxic Event, The Airborne Toxic Event
15.  LIVE, Throwing Copper
14.  Seven Mary Three, American Standard
13.  Radiohead, Kid A
12.  The Decemberists, The Crane Wife
11.  Godspeed You, Black Emperor!, Raise Yr Skinny Fists Like Antennae to Heaven
10.  The Arcade Fire, Funeral
9.   The Beatles, Abbey Road
8.  Pearl Jam, Vs.
7.  LIVE, Secret Samadhi
6.  Death Cab for Cutie, Plans
5.  Explosions in the Sky, Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Live Forever
4.  The Beatles, The Beatles (The White Album)
3.  Pearl Jam, No Code
2.  Seven Mary Three, RockCrown
1.  Hey Rosetta!, Into Your Lungs (and Around in Your Heart and on Through Your Blood)

An Armada of Underwater Robots

1.  A few hours ago, I was at a place called Chloe Pizza here in Carlisle.  I was there because, even though it seems to be your typical “strip mall” pizza shop (it’s the place by Giant supermarket) I have found it to have the best pizza in town.  So I was eating a coupla slices, watching CNN on the TV they have in there.  During a commercial break, some commerical comes on (I have no idea what it was for) and it started out with this line:  “What if taking a chance didn’t exist?”  I found this line so ridiculous and phony that I shouted “Oh my God!”.  Note:  I was far from the only person in the joint, but I was dining alone.  Can you say embarrassing?

2.  There’s certainly going to be a long blog about this in the near future, but I just want to put it out there that Pearl Jam is most likely not my favorite band anymore.  I know to some of you, this seems like no big deal, while others of you may find this news mortifying.  PJ was such a big part of how I defined myself for so many years.  What’s keeping me from making an official announcement is that I have no idea what replaces PJ as my favorite band;  I may no longer have just one favorite band.  Things just don’t seem that cut-and-dried to me anymore.  I still do and always will love Pearl Jam—big problem is, I don’t really listen to them much anymore.  I’ll update on this once I’ve got it all worked out.

3.  It’s official:  something’s wrong with my back.

4.  I just watched this.  You should too:

5.  As I was getting out of my car after I ate at Chloe Pizza, the NPR program I had been listening to (“Talk of the Nation”)—which I hadn’t really been paying attention to—must have been discussing something terribly interesting.  I heard this just before I turned this ignition off:

“—and the world’s largest armada of advanced underwater robots is on it’s way—”

I daren’t turn the ignition back on to hear the rest.

My 100 Favorite Bands…IN ORDER

So, let me stop you before you post the comment…no, I do NOT have “too much time on my hands”!  This is just what I decided to do with the time on my hands!

OK, with that out of the way…yes, you are not reading that wrong.  I have in fact ranked my one hundred favorite bands in descending order.  You may ask…why, and how?

Well, I’ve just always been curious how my favorite bands would rank if I spent the time to do it.  I mean, I pretty much knew what 1,2 and 3 would be, but after that, it was a bit hazy.  So I figured I’d devise a way to rank the top 50.  I brainstormed my favorite bands randomly, and when I counted the brainstorm results, there were seventy-some, so I figured I’d shoot for the stars and go for the top hundred.

I also figured I needed a way to narrow down who I could use.  The only criteria was they had to be bands, not just musical artists.  No solo artists or R&B groups. This meant I could use Neil Young and Crazy Horse, but not Neil Young.

This is the method I used for ranking them:  I thought about a desert island situation, and then I thought, If I could only take one album from these bands, which band do I choose? I didn’t spend any time pondering WHICH album it would be, just…which band would I want an album from?  Then after a band was chosen, I crossed them off and asked myself the desert island question again, but now had to choose from the remaining bands.  When thinking about Neil Young and Crazy Horse (or, say, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers) I only allowed myself to consider the work of the collaboration.  So, I could have Everyone Knows This is Nowhere, but not After the Gold Rush.

Now, I am open to the fact that I may have missed something and may have to revise this list, so please, leave a comment and let me know your thoughts, but remember, this is not a best list, but a favorite list, so you can’t really argue with the list, but I am actually afraid I forgot something, so please point out anything that seems amiss.  (But for the record, I did NOT forget:  Tool, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Led Zeppelin, or The White Stripes—I just don’t like them all that much.  And post-rock fans:  I didn’t forget A Silver Mt. Zion, Surface of Eceyon, or Mono.  Just not my favorites).

I hear you….why should you care?  Well, you shouldn’t care about mine, necessarily, but may I suggest you do something like this yourself?  It’s more interesting than you may think.  You can discern changes in yourself by analyzing your list.  For instance, 15 years ago, Dave Matthews Band would have been in my top 5.  Now, they’re 41.  What would they have been 8 years ago?  25?  So they’re on a slow slide.  Does this have something to say about changes in me beyond simple musical taste?  I’m not sure, but it’s fun to think about.  And some bands will pop into and out of my life quickly, as I’m constantly on the prowl for new music.  It’s intriguing to look at this list and wonder which bands will soon not make this list, and which bands that are currently in the 80s or 90s will be in the top 20 next year.  It’s certainly not a concrete list, I’m sure it is in constant flux.

Oh, and here’s a fun thing:  you’ll see it appears to be a list of 101 bands.  That’s because one of them is a fake band name, made up by me, right now.  If you are the first to identify which of them is the fake, I’ll send you a prize!!  And it will be a real prize, not some mix disc I made or something.  Good luck!

I’ve also linked to a few bands here or there, to some interesting or awesome song, video, or website, if you ever find yourself terribly bored with extra time on your hands.

Without further ado, the list:

101.  MGMT
100. I’m From Barcelona
99.   Oppenheimer
98.  Invert
97.  Constantines
96.  Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
95.  Mother Mother
94.  Hollerado
93.  We vs. Death
92.  Interpol
91.  I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness
90.  Thursday
89.  Stone Temple Pilots
88.  Mooney Suzuki
87.  Razorlight
86.  The Great Depression
85.  The Two Koreas
84.  The Mercury Project
83.  Tea Leaf Green
82.  This Will Destroy You
81.  Iron & Wine
80.  Band of Horses
79.  The Stills
78.  Jefferson Airplane
77.  Monsterpants
76.  The Walkmen
75.  Drive-By Truckers
74.  Black Mountain
73.  Pelican
72.  Animal Collective
71.  dd/mm/yyyy
70.  Cage the Elephant
69.  We are Scientists
68.  TV on the Radio
67.  Tegan and Sara
66.  Yeasayer
65.  Editors
64.  The National
63.  Islands
62.  Library Voices
61.  Caribou
60.  Stars
59.  Grizzly Bear
58.  The Presidents of the United States of America
57.  Fuel
56.  Low
55.  The Talking Heads
54.  The Hold Steady
53.  Kaiser Chiefs
52.  Mogwai
51.  Arctic Monkeys
50.  Bush
49.  Franz Ferdinand
48.  Do Make Say Think
47.  Jets Overhead
46.  The Ghost is Dancing
45.  Architecture in Helsinki
44.  Fire on Fire
43.  The Emily Wells Trio
42.  Creedence Clearwater Revival
41.  Dave Matthews Band
40.  The Shins
39.  Deerhunter
38.  Primitive Radio Gods
37.  Barenaked Ladies
36.  Nirvana
35.  Sven Gali
34.  The Trews
33.  The Cribs
32.  Doves
31.  The Cape May
30.  Man Man
29.  Indigo Girls
28.  Sigur Ros
27.  Neil Young and Crazy Horse
26.  The Violent Femmes
25.  Grinderman
24.  Rage Against the Machine
23.  The Postal Service
22.  Fleet Foxes
21.  Kings of Leon
20.  The Frames
19.  Cold War Kids
18.  Silversun Pickups
17.  The Airborne Toxic Event
16.  Modest Mouse
15.  Hey Rosetta!
14.  The Decemberists
13.  My Morning Jacket
12.  Phish
11.  Pink Floyd
10.  Godspeed You Black Emperor!
9.    Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
8.    Radiohead
7.    The Arcade Fire
6.    Explosions in the Sky
5.    LIVE
4.    Death Cab For Cutie
3.    The Beatles
2.    Seven Mary Three
1.    Pearl Jam

Pearl Jam – Just Breathe

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The Four Amazing Pearl Jam setlists

So, Pearl jam just wrapped up the American leg of their tour with four shows in Philly, culminating in a show on Halloween night.  Us in the “fanatical” Pearl Jam club were HIGHLY anticipating these shows.  Firstly, Pearl Jam always blows the roof off the joint in Philly; PA and PJ have a long history of mutual love.  Secondly, the band has just really been something special this whole tour, pulling out incredible rarities, being funny, and doing lots of unexpected stuff.  Thirdly, this was wrapping up their tour in the states.  Fourthly, these shows were to be the final rock concerts in the Spectrum, a very storied arena in Philly that the band is very fond of.  Fifthly, the World Series was taking place at the same time as the shows…not really important, but it just added to the insanity of the whole thing. I implore you to check out the tour stats at the end of the blog for a notion of how amazing these guys are as a live band, aside from just the performance itself.  NO BAND of Pearl Jam’s level works this hard to have this many actively played songs, and setlists this varied.  And, as expected, all four setlists were fucking insane. Here they are, with commentary from me:

NIGHT ONE

Set List: Corduroy, Whipping, Hail Hail, Supersonic, Dissident, Unthought Known, Faithfull, Parachutes, Unemployable, Immortality, Green Disease, Not For You/Modern Girl, Rival, Nothingman, Ghost, Do The Evolution, Why Go

1st encore: Bee Girl, Just Breathe with string quartet, The End with string quartet, All Those Yesterdays, State Of Love And Trust, Mankind, The Fixer, Go

2nd encore: Daughter, Love Reign O’er Me, Black, Leash, Rearviewmirror, Rockin’ In The Free World

Most fans don’t consider this the best set of the four, but honestly, if I could turn back time and go to only one, it would probably be this one.  I’m one of the only “Ghost” fans in the world, and nobody really saw it coming (and no one but me seemed to notice).  “Rival” has been on my wish list for years.  I can’t even contemplate how amazing it is that they played “All Those Yesterdays”.   Stone sings “Mankind” and it’s a serious concert rarity.  Also, night one we discovered that for the Philly shows, the band’s entrance music would be the theme from “Rocky”–you’ve got to see it happen in the YouTube videos to understand how awesome it is!  The first YouTube clip below is of their entrance on night one–it’s not the best video but it really gives you a feel for the entrance.

NIGHT TWO

Set List: Animal, All Night, World Wide Suicide, Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town, I Am Mine, Johnny Guitar, Nothing As It Seems, Gone, Evacuation, Even Flow, Come Back (intro only), No Way, 1/2 Full, Down w/Mike Ness & Jonny “2 Bags” Wickersham, Wishlist, Grievance, Given To Fly, The Fixer, Save You

1st encore: Just Breathe w/string quartet, Lukin w/string quartet, Speed Of Sound, Push Me, Pull Me, Garden, Blood

2nd encore: Last Kiss, Wasted Reprise, Better Man/Save It For Later, The Real Me, Porch, Yellow Ledbetter/Little Wing

“Animal” opener?  Yowza! “No Way” was pulled out earlier in the tour but I’m still not used to seeing it in setlists.  “Push Me, Pull Me”…are you serious?????

NIGHT THREE

Set List: Gonna See My Friend, The Fixer, In My Tree, Given To Fly, Tremor Christ, Untitled/ MFC, Hold On, Unthought Known, In Hiding, Deep, Habit, Cropduster, Off He Goes, Force Of Nature, Present Tense, Got Some, Do The Evolution1st encore: Just Breathe w/string quartet, Parting Ways w/string quartet, Jeremy w/string quartet, Breath, Light Years, Rearviewmirror

2nd encore: Whipping, Crazy Mary, Footsteps, Once, Alive, Sonic Reducer, Baba O’Riley

Holy shit.  There’s almost too much here to mention.   “Tremor Christ” is always a surprise.  “Hold On” gets played for only the second time ever.  The four songs starting with “Deep” through “Cropduster” are all setlist rarities.  I have no idea when the last time was I saw “Parting Ways” on a setlist.   “Jeremy” WITH STRING QUARTET?  “Breath” is one of the songs they pull out when they want the moment to be “special”.

NIGHT FOUR

Set List: Why Go, Last Exit, Corduroy, Severed Hand, The Fixer, Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town, You Are, Amongst The Waves, Even Flow, Pilate, Unthought Known, Daughter/Another Brick In The Wall Part 2, Johnny Guitar, Rats, I’m Open, I Got Shit, Glorified G, Out Of My Mind, Black, Insignificance, Life Wasted

1st encore: Just Breathe w/string quartet, The End w/string quartet, Low Light, Speed Of Sound, Jeremy w/string quartet, Inside Job, Bugs w/string quartet, Spin The Black Circle, Porch

2nd encore: Whip It, Got Some, Crown Of Thorns, Satan’s Bed, Sweet Lew, Do the Evolution, Better Man/Save It For Later, Smile, Alive, Rockin’ In The Free World, Yellow Ledbetter/Star Spangled Banner

First “Pilate” since 2000.  “Out of My Mind” was a fucking IMPROV they played in like 1994, but they put it on the “Not For You” single.  Nobody in the whole world ever expected it to be played again, ever.  “Bugs” had never been played live, and NOBODY EVER EXPECTED IT TO BE.  “Whip It”–the Devo song–was played by Pearl Jam for the first time, and THEY WERE DRESSED UP LIKE DEVO IN THE FAMOUS “WHIP IT” VIDEO.  “Crown of Thorns” is THE ‘special’ song (it was by the band Mother Love Bone, whose lead singer died of a heroin overdose.  Two members of Pearl Jam were in that band.)  “Sweet Lew” is a really shitty but interesting deep track B-side about basketball, sung by bassist Jeff Ament.  Once agian, NO ONE EVER EXPECTED THIS TO BE PLAYED, EVER.  Eddie bounced a basketball into a microphone for extra percussion.

Tour stats:

Openers:

Why Go (6)
Long Road (4)
Sometimes (3)
Of the Girl (2)
Gonna See My Friend (2)
Small Town (1)
Release (1)
Hard to Imagine (1)
In My Tree (1)
Interstellar Overdrive–>Corduroy (1)
Last Exit (1)
Corduroy (1)
Animal (1)

Main Set Closers:

Rearviewmirror (5)
Go (3)
Do the Evolution (3)
Life Wasted (3)
Alive (2)
Blood (2)
Porch (2)
Got Some (1)
Blood (1)
Spin the Black Circle (1)
MFC (1)
Why Go (1)
Save You (1)

Closers:

Yellow Ledbetter (15)
Rockin’ in the Free World (7)
Indifference (2)
Alive (2)
Fuckin’ Up (1)
Baba O’Riley (1)

SONG COUNT:

The Fixer (25)
Got Some (23)
Alive (21)
Even Flow (21)
Do The Evolution (20)
Elderly Woman… (18)
Given To Fly (17)
Why Go (17)
Daughter (15)
Yellow Ledbetter (15)
Corduroy (14)
Unthought Known (14)
Better Man (13)
Black (13)
Just Breathe (11)
Severed Hand (11)
The End (11)
The Real Me (11)
Amongst The Waves (9)
Johnny Guitar (9)
Porch (9)
Present Tense (9)
Rearviewmirror (9)
Save You (9)
Life Wasted (8)
Red Mosquito (8)
Dissident (7)
Down (7)
Go (7)
Hail, Hail (7)
Insignificance (7)
Lukin (7)
Not For You (7)
Rockin´ In The Free World (7)
State Of Love And Trust (7)
Animal (6)
Crazy Mary (6)
Last Exit (6)
Love Reign O’er Me (6)
Spin The Black Circle (6)
Supersonic (6)
Unemployable (6)
All Night (5)
Brother (5)
Faithfull (5)
Gonna See My Friend (5)
I Got Shit (5)
In My Tree (5)
Inside Job (5)
Low Light (5)
Off He Goes (5)
Rats (5)
Wasted Reprise (5)
World Wide Suicide (5)
Bee Girl (4)
Blood (4)
Comatose (4)
Force Of Nature (4)
Grievance (4)
I Am Mine (4)
In Hiding (4)
Indifference (4)
Light Years (4)
Long Road (4)
MFC (4)
Nothingman (4)
Once (4)
Whipping (4)
Wishlist (4)
1/2 Full (3)
Footsteps (3)
Gone (3)
Immortality (3)
Jeremy (3)
Last Kiss (3)
No Way (3)
Sad (3)
Smile (3)
All Those Yesterdays (2)
Brain Of J. (2)
Breakerfall (2)
Breath (2)
Come Back (2)
Crown Of Thorns (2)
Free Jazz (2)
Glorified G (2)
Gods´ Dice (2)
Green Disease (2)
Hard to Imagine (2)
I Believe In Miracles (2)
Leash (2)
Nothing As It Seems (2)
Of The Girl (2)
Parachutes (2)
Satan´s Bed (2)
Sometimes (2)
Sonic Reducer (2)
Speed of Sound (2)
The Needle and the Damage Done (2)
Tremor Christ (2)
You Are (2)
All Along the Watchtower (1)
Alone (1)
Baba O’Riley (1)
Big Wave (1)
Bugs (1)
Cropduster (1)
Deep (1)
Driven To Tears (1)
Evacuation (1)
Fuckin´ Up (1)
Garden (1)
Ghost (1)
Habit (1)
Happy Birthday (1)
Hold On (1)
Hunger Strike (1)
I’m Open (1)
Interstellar Overdrive (1)
Kick Out the Jams (1)
Leaving Here (1)
Little Wing (1)
Man of the Hour (1)
Mankind (1)
Marker In The Sand (1)
Mountain Song (1)
No More (1)
Out Of My Mind (1)
Parting Ways (1)
Pilate (1)
Push Me, Pull Me (1)
Release (1)
Rival (1)
Save It For Later (1)
Sleight Of Hand (1)
So You Want To Be A Rock ‘n Roll Star (1)
Soldier of Love (1)
Sugar Mountain (1)
Sweet Lew (1)
The Golden State (1)
Throw Your Hatred Down (1)
Untitled (1)
Whip It (1)
You´ve Got to Hide Your Love Away (1)

All 4 L.A. Pearl Jam setlists, plus a festival setlist

September 30, 2009 Universal City, California, Gibson Amphitheater (LA night one)

Set List: Why Go, Animal, World Wide Suicide, Got Some, Tremor Christ, Force Of Nature, Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town, Unthought Known, Even Flow, Amongst The Waves, Insignificance, Rats, Present Tense, Big Wave, Down, The Fixer, Porch

1st encore: Just Breathe w/string quartet, The End w/string quartet, Red Mosquito w/Ben Harper, Black, Life Wasted

2nd encore: State Of Love And Trust, Alive, Rockin’ In The Free World

Tremor Christ from LA night One:

October 1, 2009 Universal City, California, Gibson Amphitheater (LA night 2)

Set List: (Interstellar Overdrive)/Corduroy, Severed Hand, Got Some, Do The Evolution, Dissident, Given To Fly, Johnny Guitar, Amongst The Waves, I Got Shit, Daughter, Jeremy, Unthought Known, Small Town, Driven To Tears, The Fixer, Rearviewmirror

1st encore: Just Breathe w/string quartet, The End w/string quartet, Lukin w/string quartet, Red Mosquito w/Ben Harper, Jazz Odyssey, Better Man/(Save It For Later)

2nd encore: Gonna See My Friend, I Believe In Miracles, Once, Alive, Yellow Ledbetter/(Star Spangled Banner)

Lukin w/ Strings from LA night 2 (literally the funniest moment I’ve ever seen from a PJ show):

Austin City Limits Festival

October 4, 2009 Austin City Limits, Austin, Texas

Set List: Why Go, (Interstellar Overdrive)/Corduroy, Got Some, Not For You/(Modern Girl), Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town, Given To Fly, World Wide Suicide, Even Flow, Unthought Known, Daughter/(WMA), Hail Hail, Insignificance, Present Tense, State Of Love And Trust, The Fixer, Go

Encore: Jazz Odyssey, Red Mosquito w/Ben Harper, Do The Evolution, The Real Me, Alive, Mountain Song w/Perry Farrell, Rockin’ In The Free World

October 6, 2009 Universal City, California, Gibson Amphitheater (LA night 3)

Set List: Sometimes, Breakerfall, (Interstellar Overdrive)/Corduroy, Save You, Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town, Got Some, Unthought Known, Faithfull, Even Flow, Unemployable, Daughter, Johnny Guitar, Given To Fly, Off He Goes, Comatose, The Fixer, Do The Evolution

1st encore: Just Breathe w/string quartet, The End w/string quartet, Lukin w/string quartet, Red Mosquito w/Ben Harper, Jazz Odyssey, Rearviewmirror

2nd encore: Once, Footsteps, Hunger Strike w/Chris Cornell, Alive w/Jerry Cantrell

CHECK THIS OUT!  Jerry Cantrell (Alice in Chains) comes out at the end solo and plays guitar.  Mike takes his guitar off and runs around the stage.  And kudos to this YouTuber for getting great shots of the crowd “fist pump” during the solo–always a highlight of the experience for me:

Los Angeles, 10/7 Gibson Amphitheater (LA night 4)

Main Set: Long Road, Animal, Hail, Hail, Gonna See My Friend, Got Some, Alone, Nothingman, Amongst The Waves, Even Flow, Untitled/Unthought Known, All Those Yesterdays, Why Go, Wishlist, Present Tense, Force of Nature, The Fixer, Spin The Black Circle, Porch

Encore: Just Breathe w/ String Quartet, The End w String Quartet, Lukin w/ String Quartet, Red Mosquito w/ Ben Harper, Jazz Odyssey w/ strings, Love Reign Oer Me, Blood(atomic dog)

2nd Encore: State of Love and Trust, Crown of Thorns, Kick Out The Jams w/ Jerry Cantrell, Alive, Indifference w/ Ben Harper

Tour stats:

Openers:

Why Go (5)
Long Road (4)
Sometimes (3)
Of the Girl (2)
Small Town (1)
Release (1)
Hard to Imagine (1)
Gonna See My Friend (1)
In My Tree (1)
Interstellar Overdrive–>Corduroy (1)

Main Set Closers:

Rearviewmirror (3)
Go (3)
Do the Evolution (3)
Alive (2)
Life Wasted (2)
Blood (2)
Porch (2)
Got Some (1)
Blood (1)
Spin the Black Circle (1)
MFC (1)

Closers:

Yellow Ledbetter (11)
Rockin’ in the Free World (4)
Indifference (2)
Alive (2)
Fuckin’ Up (1)

3 most recent Pearl Jam setlists

Note: to the best of my knowledge, the Vancouver show is the only time “In My Tree” has ever been the opener.

September 28, 2009 Salt Lake City, UT, E Center

Set List: Of The Girl, Breakerfall, Hail Hail, Severed Hand, The Fixer, Low Light, Marker In The Sand, Even Flow, Unthought Known, Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town, Got Some, Given To Fly, Immortality, Satan’s Bed, Amongst The Waves, Do The Evolution, Blood

1st encore: Bee Girl, (Fan brought on stage for wedding proposal), Just Breathe, Red Mosquito w/Ben Harper, Daughter, Supersonic, Spin The Black Circle

2nd encore: I Believe In Miracles, Crazy Mary, Alive, Yellow Ledbetter

September 26, 2009 Clark County Ampitheater, Portland, OR

Set List: Gonna See My Friend, Last Exit, Why Go, The Fixer, In Hiding, Johnny Guitar, Green Disease, Amongst The Waves, Even Flow, Off He Goes, Unthought Known, Daughter, Supersonic, Present Tense, Got Some, Once, Life Wasted

1st encore: Golden State w/Corin Tucker, The End, Red Mosquito w/Ben Harper, Inside Job, Go

2nd encore: Do The Evolution, Not For You /(Modern Girl), Black, Porch
Yellow Ledbetter/(Star Spangled Banner)

September 25, 2009 Vancouver, BC, GM Place

Set List: In My Tree, Save You, The Fixer, Severed Hand, Johnny Guitar, Given To Fly, MFC, Even Flow, Amongst The Waves, Sad, Unthought Known, Light Years, Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town, Grievance, No Way, Got Some, Rearviewmirror

1st encore: I Got Shit, Love, Reign O’er Me, Breath, State Of Love And Trust, Alive

2nd encore: Last Kiss, Indifference w/ Ben Harper, Wasted Reprise, Better Man/(Save It For Later), Yellow Ledbetter

Tour stats:

Openers:

Why Go (3)
Long Road (3)
Sometimes (2)
Of the Girl (2)
Small Town (1)
Release (1)
Hard to Imagine (1)
Gonna See My Friend (1)
In My Tree (1)

Main Set Closers:

Do the Evolution (2)
Alive (2)
Go (2)
Rearviewmirror (2)
Life Wasted (2)
Blood (2)
Got Some (1)
Blood (1)
Spin the Black Circle (1)
MFC (1)

Closers:

Yellow Ledbetter (10)
Indifference (1)
Rockin’ in the Free World (2)
Fuckin’ Up (1)
Alive (1)

Song Counts:

Got Some (15)
The Fixer (15)
Even Flow (14)
Alive (13)
Do The Evolution (13)
Elderly Woman… (11)
Given To Fly (11)
Why Go (11)
Yellow Ledbetter (11)
Better Man (9)
Black (9)
Daughter (9)
The Real Me (9)
Corduroy (8)
Severed Hand (8)
Save You (7)
Brother (5)
Crazy Mary (5)
Dissident (5)
Down (5)
Go (5)
Life Wasted (5)
Not For You (5)
Porch (5)
Present Tense (5)
Supersonic (5)
Unthought Known (5)
All Night (4)
Amongst The Waves (4)
Hail, Hail (4)
In My Tree (4)
Inside Job (4)
Insignificance (4)
Johnny Guitar (4)
Last Exit (4)
Love Reign O’er Me (4)
Low Light (4)
Rearviewmirror (4)
Spin The Black Circle (4)
The End (4)
Unemployable (4)
Wasted Reprise (4)
Animal (3)
Bee Girl (3)
Comatose (3)
Faithfull (3)
Grievance (3)
I Am Mine (3)
In Hiding (3)
Indifference (3)
Just Breathe (3)
Light Years (3)
Long Road (3)
Lukin (3)
MFC (3)
Off He Goes (3)
Rats (3)
Rockin´ In The Free World (3)
Sad (3)
State Of Love And Trust (3)
1/2 Full (2)
Blood (2)
Gods´ Dice (2)
Gone (2)
Gonna See My Friend (2)
Hard to Imagine (2)
I Got Shit (2)
Immortality (2)
No Way (2)
Nothingman (2)
Of The Girl (2)
Red Mosquito (2)
Smile (2)
The Needle and the Damage Done (2)
Whipping (2)
Wishlist (2)
World Wide Suicide (2)
All Along the Watchtower (1)
Brain Of J. (1)
Breakerfall (1)
Breath (1)
Come Back (1)
Footsteps (1)
Fuckin´ Up (1)
Glorified G (1)
Green Disease (1)
I Believe In Miracles (1)
Interstellar Overdrive (1)
Last Kiss (1)
Leash (1)
Leaving Here (1)
Man of the Hour (1)
Marker In The Sand (1)
No More (1)
Nothing As It Seems (1)
Once (1)
Release (1)
Satan´s Bed (1)
Save It For Later (1)
Sleight Of Hand (1)
Soldier of Love (1)
Sometimes (1)
Sonic Reducer (1)
Sugar Mountain (1)
The Golden State (1)
Throw Your Hatred Down (1)
You´ve Got to Hide Your Love Away (1)

Slackspacer: Why Pearl Jam’s New Album is Unnecessary

Hypothetical situation:  one of the most successful rock bands–at a time when rock is the biggest-selling genre out there–decides they actually have too many fans and makes a conscious decision to evolve their music away from the mainstream.  With each subsequent album, they go in a slightly different, unexpected direction, with varying degrees of accessibility.  They shed millions of fans, but those who remain are devout, as their musical tastes just happen to have evolved along the same unexpected lines of the band’s.  Now, what happens when that band, some twenty years into the grand experiment, stops evolving?  Not going backward, per se, but they just stagnate, make the same album twice, and seem to have run out of new things to say?  Well, for starters, most of those faithful fans are going to remain just as faithful, as by this point being a fan of this band is practically a lifestyle choice.  Also, we’re left to deal with Pearl Jam’s completely unnecessary album Backspacer.

It begins promisingly enough.  The opening track, “Gonna See My Friend”, features Eddie Vedder’s signature growl, and is thematically the opposite of the opening track on their previous album.  That song, “Life Wasted”, was an uplifting, life-affirming anthem.  This lead track, however, is a depressed, angry rant.  About what, we can’t be sure.  This turnabout in tone is thrilling because it’s unexpected.  And the song is a fist-pumping rocker, but far from anything new.  The old standby formula of verse-chorus-verse-chorus-breakdown/bridge-chorus which Pearl Jam have used so well in the past just feels forced here.  I’ve worn these shoes before.  The song isn’t bad, but it’s completely unnecessary.

The second track is the standout on the album.  “Got Some” is a musical marvel, as McCready and Gossard layer guitars over each other with ever-increasing intensity, Matt Cameron drives the start-stop-start-stop stutter of the song along until it finds it’s dramatic footing when Jeff Ament pops in a Spy Hunter-esque bass line about halfway through the song, and at that point we know something special really is happening.  Vedder has found a great refrain for the song in “I got some if you need it”, but we’re lucky we can’t understand the rest of the lyrics, because they’re pretty inane (“Precipitation, which side are you on?/ Are you on the rise?”), but they’re still highly sing-able once you know them.  This song feels fresh, new, kinda a little daring.

Third comes “The Fixer”, the first single off the album, and to this listener’s mind, the first true pop song the band has written. And it’s great.  It’s the yin to “Gonna See My Friend”‘s yang.  It’s positive, uplifting, a joyful noise, and highly addictive.  Not new, really.  It’s another list song, and Vedder loves writing list songs (“Wishlist”, “Sometimes”, “Rats”), and he’s good at them.

Then the album takes a downturn.  There is one failed experiment (“Johnny Guitar” bumbles to its unsatisfying conclusion) and lots and lots of rehash.  The songs aren’t bad, exactly.  Just not exciting or compelling, and most are unoriginal.  The quiet, tinkly “Just Breathe” is a nice enough song, but I liked it better the first time, when it was called “Guaranteed” and it was on Vedder’s Into the Wild soundtrack album.  “Just Breathe” also utilizes a string quartet, which displays a shameful lack of creativity, and dare I say, a bit of audience pandering.  The closing track, “The End” (an early fan favorite, and I apologize to the faithful here) is one of the worst Pearl Jam songs ever put to record.  It, too, shamefully uses a string quartet instead of the band conveying the feeling from the instruments they actually play, as well as containing the absolutely most annoying vocal rhythm Vedder has ever contrived, and some of the worst rhymes, too.  Most of it reads like it was written by a fourth grader: “Don’t leave me so cold/ or buried beneath the stones. / I just want to hold on/ and know I’m worth your love.”  Ug.  Is this really where we’re at, Pearl Jam?

And the rest:  “Amongst the Waves” is the second surfing song in two albums.  It’s a shame it’s so sonically pleasant but lyrically inaccessible to me, and I liked it before when it was “Loveboat Captain”, “Gone” and “Marker in the Sand”–songs from previous Pearl Jam albums.

“Unthought Known” is the first Pearl Jam song that comes right out in the open with being pretentious.  I was more comfortable when they were a thinly-veiled pretentious band.  It is also a sonically pleasing song, but I liked it better when it was “Inside Job”.

“Supersonic”, “Speed of Sound” and “Force of Nature” are all regrettably forgettable and, something deep inside me fears, attempts to appeal to the masses and sell records.  I can’t blame them.  Everyone wants a come back.  But I just have to ask:  their last album didn’t sell incredibly well, so if they’re trying to break through to a mainstream audience, why did they make it a second time?

Pearl Jam, “No Way”, Seattle night 2, 2009

Pearl Jam Unleashes “No Way”

I had no plans to post this setlist tonight; I was going to lump the next few together to avoid filling my blog up with Pearl Jam sets, and besides, there are only 4 or 5 PJ fans still reading my blog anyway.  But then they had to go and have an amazing set.  First and most importantly, they played “No Way”, which you’ll only know how badass that is if you follow what they’re up to.  We’ve been asking for it for a loooong time.  And then, without using any more rarities, they strung together an incredible set through some genius song order, and it’s tough to impress me with song order anymore (yes, I admit I’ve read every single Pearl Jam setlist–ever).  For instance, this five song sequence to end the main set is a master stroke: Comatose–>Insignificance–>Present Tense–>Got Some–>Go.  Go ahead.  Put that sequence on your iPod.  You’ll see.  Also, that is a rather unique first encore.  And also quite notable:  there is no “Even Flow” or “Alive”, which would upset me a bit (which other hardcore “fans” are cheering the songs’ absences), but it’s quite odd for neither of them to appear.  The only thing that really bugs me about the show is the “Ledbetter” closer.  How tired am I of this?  Real tired.

Main Set:  Sometimes, Why Go, All Night, The Fixer, Dissident, Johnny Guitar, Faithfull, Lukin,  Not For You/Modern Girl, No Way, Unthought Known, Unemployable, Comatose, Insignificance, Present Tense, Got Some, Go

Encore 1: Just Breathe, The End, Black, In My Tree, Spin The Black Circle

Encore 2: Supersonic, Do The Evolotion, The Real Me, Porch, Yellow Ledbetter

Tour stats:

Openers:

Why Go (3)
Long Road (3)
Sometimes (2)
Small Town (1)
Release (1)
Of the Girl (1)
Hard to Imagine (1)

Main Set Closers:

Do the Evolution (2)
Alive (2)
Go (2)
Got Some (1)
Rearviewmirror (1)
Blood (1)
Spin the Black Circle (1)
MFC (1)
Life Wasted (1)

Closers:

Yellow Ledbetter (7)
Indifference (1)
Rockin’ in the Free World (2)
Fuckin’ Up (1)
Alive (1)

Click here to see the poster.  It’s rad!

A video of tonight’s “No Way” isn’t up yet, but here’s the last time it was played, in 1998:

Pearl Jam setlist: Seattle, 9/21

Songs in bold made their live premiere.

Main Set: Long Road, Corduroy, Gonna See My Friend, Got Some, Hail Hail, Amongst the Waves, Daughter(no tag), Evenflow, Johnny Guitar, Unthought Known, Worldwide Suicide, Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town, Off He Goes, Down, Save You, The Fixer, Life Wasted

Encore 1: Just Breathe, The End, Inside Job, Rearviewmirror

Encore 2: Given To Fly, Do the Evolution, Betterman, The Real Me, Indifference, Alive

Tour stats:

Openers:

Why Go (3)
Long Road (3)
Sometimes (1)
Small Town (1)
Release (1)
Of the Girl (1)
Hard to Imagine (1)

Main Set Closers:

Do the Evolution (2)
Alive (2)
Got Some (1)
Go (1)
Rearviewmirror (1)
Blood (1)
Spin the Black Circle (1)
MFC (1)
Life Wasted (1)

Closers:

Yellow Ledbetter (6)
Indifference (1)
Rockin’ in the Free World (2)
Fuckin’ Up (1)
Alive (1)

The poster:

Pearl Jam’s very own end cap at Target!

More love for new Pearl Jam in the media:

From the current issue of Entertainment Weekly, coming in at #3 on their “Must List”:

“The Fixer” video, Pearl Jam

PJ could’ve gone high-concept, but this live vid directed by Cameron Crowe gets to the heart of who they are–one of the best concert acts around.

If you haven’t seen this great new video, watch it right here!: