My Favorite Music of 2017

Well it is that time again, time for my year-end review of my favorite music! These roll around so fast, it really is a marker for me for how fast time goes!  This year, however, since I am very crunched for free time, it will be a very abbreviated entry, but trust me that I have thought about this long and hard.  I start thinking about my year-end music list sometime around March, and throughout the year roughly 6 or 7 albums at one point in time are poised to take my #1 spot, so I am always thinking about it, but the entries will be short and sweet this year. (If you are interested in seeing how the lists of previous years went, you can see them here: 2016  , 2015 , 2014  , 2013  , 2012  , 2011  , 2010 , 2009  ).  I would also like to say up front that Neil Young recently released an album which unfortunately I have not been able to listen to as of this writing.  Also if you are used to getting a year-end mix disc from me, that will still be coming, they are going out in a few days.  If you don’t get these discs but would like to get them, send me a message! I love sending them. So without further ado, the list:

But first! haha. Some honorable mentions that didn’t make the top ten.  Honorable mentions:

Fleet Foxes, Crack Up, Willis Earl Beal, Turn, The Shins, Heartworms, Tori Amos, Native Invader, St. Vincent,  Masseduction, Bryce Dessner, Sufjan Stevens, Nico Muhly, James McCallister, Plantarium, El Ten Eleven, Unusable Love, Iron and Wine, Beast Epic, and a major shout out to Sufjan Stevens’ live album of Carrie and Lowell songs, which as a live album was released this year, but the songs were from a few years ago, but it was by far one of my favorite things this year.

Now, the top ten:

10.  Grizzly Bear, “Painted Ruins”

Grizzly finally, finally live up to the blissed-out art rock potential the showed on their early releases.

9.  The National, “Sleep Well Beast”

I love the National, and I love this album, but I was expecting it to vie for the top spot, but instead I only love it and am not obsessed with it.  I want to see them evolve more.

8.  Run the Jewels, “Run the Jewels 3”

Ok so this albums was released in December 2016 but the PHYSICAL copies weren’t released until 2017, so I’m backdooring it.  Hey, if you aren’t listening to RTJ, you literally don’t know what’s going on.

7.  Father John Misty, “Pure Comedy”

A few of the songs on “Pure Comedy” are so good they’re practically transcendent; on the strength of those 4-6 songs, this album deserve all the accolades it is getting. Next time, though, we need less fluff.

6.  Godspeed You! Black Emperor, “Luciferian Towers”

End-times post-rock for the new world; instrumental dirge music that manages to be hyper political.  Godspeed is never less than earnestly terrifying, and they haven’t lose their edge.

5.  Mogwai, “Every Country’s Sun”

It’s a rare year for me when out of the two post rock bands on my list, anyone beats Godspeed, but Mogwai’s new album is a leap forward for them (which is saying something, since they have been around for like 20 years).  It is tender, and brutal, and irreverent.

4.  Real Estate, “In Mind”

This band’s entire aesthetic is about being understated and melodic.  Here they’ve cracked the code for how to do that and be dramatic, too.  Each song crackles.  Your nerves feel this album.

3. Prophets of Rage, “Prophets of Rage”

This album has taken a lot of flack, and yes, it is far from perfect.  But the bright spots–“Who Owns Who”, “Living on the 110”, “Unfuck the World”, “Strength in Numbers”, aming a few others–are so glorious (especially after repeat listens) that the downsides of this project should get a pass.  Could they have done better? Sure.  But who else is even doing anything like this? It truly is a soundtrack for the revolution.  Please give it some spins.

2.  The War on Drugs, “A Deeper Understanding”

In all my years making year-end music lists, I’ve never had a harder time deciding between two albums for the top spot.  This album is astonishing.  Rather than try to do it justice, I want to quote from a review of this album in Pitchfork which I found not only perfectly encapsulated my thoughts on the album, but was itself an amazing piece of writing:

“The band’s lyricist Adam Granduciel doesn’t create fully-drawn characters (other people are phantoms or wishes or memories in his lyrics) but there’s always a desire for connection, and he lets in just enough light to make it seem possible. The album’s first single was the epic 11-minute travelogue “Thinking of a Place,” with a glowing synth swell reminiscent of Manuel Göttsching’s E2-E4 and a patient tempo that suggests a slow walk through the woods in the dark, the kind where you keep your hands out in front of you, feeling for branches. It turned out to be an appropriate introduction to this record because “thinking of a place”—somewhere where you can lose yourself, get out of your own head, somewhere else—is what the whole record is ultimately about. A different songwriter—someone like Neil Young, say—might sketch out what this place looks like, tell us about who we might find there. But Granduciel can’t, or doesn’t want to. And that lack of articulation, that inability to identify the source of pain and the path to redemption, becomes another of the record’s themes. But all that happens beneath the surface, almost subliminally; it’s the impossible sweep and grandeur of the music that tells the real story, of how a rush of sound can take us somewhere we can’t explain.”

I mean, yes.

1.  Arcade Fire, “Everything Now”

This album has taken a lot of flack in the press, mostly because (I think) it’s not what anyone expected.  It is markedly different than their previous albums, much shorter, and veers into pop sound.  But the fact is, it is just so good.  There was a point where the CD stayed in my car stereo for over three straight weeks.  The songs are catchy but artistically sound, the theme of the album well-thought out, important, and brilliantly executed.  Yes, there are two clunkers, but the rest of the songs are absolute solid gold.  Time’s going to bear out that “Everything Now” is, in fact, a rock classic.

 

More Hand Gestures for Driving

The other day, I was driving and I saw someone use one of the hand signals you are supposed to use to signal a turn if your turn signals aren’t working.  It got me thinking about nonverbal hand signals we can use to other drivers on the road.  There are the turning hand gestures, the “you go first” gesture, and “the bird”, and that’s about it.  It got me thinking how great it would be if we had a longer list of “official” hand gestures we could use to easily communicate to other drivers.  Here is a partial list of what I think would be very useful for us all to learn, although I have no idea what the actual gestures would look like, but we need some that mean these things:

–“I know you waved me to go first, but really, I think you should go first.”

–“I’m only changing lanes really briefly.”

–“I’d prefer you not drive that close to me.”

–“Are you a police officer?”

–“I really like your sunglasses.”

–“I still buy CDs.”

–“Who is your favorite Golden Girl?”  (note: there would need to be hand signals for each Golden Girl, including Stanley.)

–“I wish I could grow a mustache.”

–“I am not personally responsible for this traffic jam.  Would you like to get to the bottom of who is?”

–“I’m really more of a ‘dog person’.”

–“How about this weather?”

–“I can give you some pointers on how to go vegan, if you’d like.”

–“Do you happen to have a bathroom in your car?”

–“Wow! We’re both going super fast!”

–“Stop texting!”

–“Evolution is not a theory.”

–“You know, fellow traveler, driving down this nondescript highway, in a car I am indebted to, toward a job I hate, has me feeling like just a cog in a sinister capitalist machine.  Good day to you!”

–“I just had carpal tunnel surgery.”

–“*HAZARD LIGHTS*”

–“I wouldn’t mind learning the art of topiary gardening.”

These are just a sampling of the standardized hand gestures that I feel could make our lives easier.  Are there any I have left out? Leave your suggestions in the comments!

Valentine’s Dog Dagurreotype

1.  I know A LOT of people who hate Valentines Day, so it seems.  And every year, most of them feel a need to unleash an anti-V-Day screed of some kind via social media (almost always involving the word “Hallmark”, “corporate”, or “made-up”.  And hey, I get it.  In fact, I essentially ignore almost all holidays, and I’m quite fortunate that my life partner feels the same.  We don’t really hate any holidays, we just don’t really notice them (with a few exceptions).  But what I’m wondering right now, as I continue to see these same people with these same rants about these same holidays year after year after year…why not just ignore it?  Let it pass with zero comment from you.  There is little more that a holiday hates than a complete lack of attention from you, whatever holiday it happens to be that you hate.  Just a suggestion, of course.  Certainly I have lots I like to bitch about, too, but it just seems to me like bitching about a holiday is some wasted bitching.
2. I sure love my dog.  Who doesn’t love dogs?? But I feel a very special way about Benji because I’ve been lucky enough to be brought into his life late.  Benji is 15, which is nearing the absolute oldest he can get for his breed (at the absolute most, he might live two more years but that is unlikely).  I spent almost all of my adult life wishing I could have a dog; almost all of that time, I lived alone and worked jobs with long and erratic hours and was hesitant to own a dog under those circumstances.  But, once I found my love Karla, she came not only with Boy, but with Dog, and my time with Benji has been very special.  Now, he is not without his quirks (a truly obsessive-compulsive licking thing that can literally coat an entire couch if no one is watching) but in just about every way, I could not love him more.  I’m sad that I don’t get more years with him, but the time I do have fills my heart.  Almost anyone who has a dog says “They are part of the family”, and never has anyone meant it more than we do.
3. Here is the earliest known photograph (actually it’s a daguerreotype) taken in the city of Harrisburg.  It is from freakin’ 1860!:
   

Sea of Ice

Famous people I know I would be good friends with if we ever got to know each other:

–Werner Herzog
–Kiefer Sutherland
–Anderson Cooper
–Emily Wells
–Dave Eggers
–Joaquin Phoenix
–Rachel Maddow
–Adam Savage

Oh hey, Karla and I were in line at a store last week.  We were next to be rung out.  We were standing kind of arm-in-arm.   We looked at each other and gave each other two or three quick, successive peck kisses.  The man behind the register threw his arms up in the air and bellowed, “FOLKS!  There’s other people here,” at which point he motioned to the other people in line behind us.  Then he said something along the lines of “Stop that” although I can’t remember his exact wording there.  We were flabbergasted!!  We hadn’t even been close to making out or kissing in any excessive way–whatever that would be!  It’s fair to say my anger was intense.  Karla pointedly asked the man behind us, “Were you offended?” and he said “I’m too tired to be offended.”  We were silent while he rang up our items.  As we walked out I said a very mean thing to him, which I do not feel bad about.

Oh hey, watch this video of Kay Ryan reading her poem “The Turtle”.  I mean wow.  “Her only levity is patience,/ the sport of truly chastened things.”

 

It’s not something you really wanna think about very much, but what songs would you want played at your funeral?  I actually used to think about this a lot, back when I was much more sad all the time, but even now the topic will cross my mind every few months.  Naturally my selections have varied wildly as time goes on and my tastes changed.  For many years I held tightly onto “Light Years” by Pearl Jam being one of the songs played, but that finally slid off the list a few years ago.  And thank goodness–in retrospect I can see that would have been gratuitously sad.  Just way TOO SAD.  Currently I am going with “A Three-Legged Workhorse” by This Will Destroy You, “I’ve Been Asleep For a Long, Long Time” by Hey Rosetta!,  and “Brian and Robert” by Phish.  I recommend trying this exercise yourself.  I think you’ll find it is quite revealing, not just about your musical tastes, but about the entirety of your life.

Here is a (partial) list of things I would try to get good at if I had unlimited time on this Earth:

–playing the guitar
–hiking/camping/climbing
–painting
–the yo yo
–acting
–ice skating

Oh hey, I’m reading a book about the earliest art to depict the polar regions after human exploration had begun there.  It’s a truly intriguing topic and some of this art is just spectacular.  Somewhat realistic based off the descriptions of the men who’d been there but also rather exaggerated and mystical as the place was still one of imagination and perceived danger and death.  Check out “Sea of Ice” by Caspar David Friedrich:

 

 

My Favorite Music of 2016

It’s that time of year again, oh friendy friends!  Time for my favorite music of the year blog!  For those who haven’t slogged through these before, allow me to get these perfunctories out of the way:

1. All music on this list is NEW music that was released in calendar year 2016.
2. A mix CD of songs from my list can be easily obtained by messaging me and asking.  Those on my “mailing list” will receive one without asking.
3. I am not saying this was the “best” music of 2016.  I used to say that but people got their undies in a bunch.  I’m just saying it’s my “favorite”.
4. If you’re interested in lists from years past, they can be found here:
   My Favorite Music of 2009My Favorite Music of 2010My Favorite Music of 2011

   My Favorite Music of 2012

   My Favorite Music of 2013

   My Favorite Music of 2014

My Favorite Music of 2015

And before I proceed with this year’s list, I’d like to address what was probably my biggest disappointment of my music listening life: this year’s Band of Horses release.  When I heard of the album, and learned it’s title, and saw the artwork and read the tracklist, I was perhaps the most excited I’d been for a new release since the height of my Pearl Jam fandom.  I fully anticipated making it the number one album on my list this year.  Instead, it does not even appear.  The reviews were very mixed–some were ecstatic whereas others reacted quite like I did, and many were very neutral.  So obviously it can be heard many ways.  I personally, after listening about ten time during it’s first month of release, may never listen to it again.

I’d also be remiss if I did not mention Prophets of Rage, a supergroup combination of Rage Against the Machine, Public Enemy, and Cypress Hill.  Again, many detested it and many loved it; I loved it and thought it was beyond the bee’s knees.  However, for the most part, it was not new music, and it does not make the list, but it formed a very important part of 2016 for me.  In addition, Neil Young+Promise of the Real released a live album, Earth, that felt as fresh and vibrant as a new studio album and I listened to that thing like crazy, but again: not really new.  Now: my list!

15.  Explosions in the Sky, “The Wilderness”

14.  Ray LaMontagne, “Ouroboros”

13.  Public Enemy, “Man Plans God Laughs”

12.  Kiefer Sutherland, “Down in a Hole”

11.  DJ Shadow, “The Mountain Will Fall”

10.  A Tribe Called Quest, “We Got It From Here…Thank You 4 Your Service”

The Tribe’s triumphant return was well worth the wait, with lyrics poignantly reflecting the temper of the times and thankfully light on misogyny.  And the beats are dope.

9.  M83, “Junk”

M83’s new album is a kind of throwback space funk jam-off, like a ride in a technicolor elevator, with purple felt walls.  Impossible to dislike.

 

 

 

 

 

8.  Warpaint, “Heads Up”

Warpaint have now built upon the dark, groovy introspection they created in their first two albums with more intricate jams and a subtle pop sensibility; their musical landscape is now a universe all their own.

7.  Mexico City, “When the Day Goes Dark”

This powerful Australian band hadn’t released any new music for six years.  Their return was worth waiting for, as they morphed from terrific bar band into a piledriver of country and blues rock.  A potential classic.

 

 

 

 

 

6.  Jim James, “Eternally Even”

The mastermind behind My Morning Jacket didn’t connect with me on his first solo album a few years back, but this year’s “Eternally Even” tickles my Jacket bone.

5.  Paul Simon, “Stranger to Stranger”

Simon is never bad.  But as he ages, I seem to keep thinking he is getting better and better; his lyrics become more adventurous (from The Werewolf: “The fact is, most obits are mixed reviews./ Life is a lottery, a lotta people lose./ And the winners, the grinners, with money-colored eyes/ they eat all the nuggets, and they order extra fries./  But the werewolf is coming.”), his music more modern, playful, daring.  “Stranger to Stranger” is a delight from start to finish, but especially for those familiar with his full body of work; his evolution is a bewildering achievement.

 

 

4.  Emily Wells, “Promise”

Wells is an astonishing talent, and “Promise” proves she’s an artist worthy of canonization.  Eschewing her previous catchy violin hooks and hip hop undertones, here she digs deep–the level of introspection at times becomes hard to watch.  But ultimately, while not an album of happy, singalong songs, “Promise” proves instead to be a key addition to any music library concerned with–frankly–the meaning of life.

3.  Radiohead, “A Moon Shaped Pool”

What’s still to be said about Radiohead?  They are as good as everyone says, as is this album.  Including a studio version of “True Love Waits” (re-worked for piano) nearly broke me in half.

2.  Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, “Skeleton Tree”

Cave’s son died tragically while the band was recording the album, and it can be heard in every sound.  It’s a quiet, low-tempo, mostly spoken-word collection of songs, and it is not for the faint of heart.  It is brave, and it is terrifying, but it does not wallow.

1.  Bon Iver, “22, A Million”

I haven’t said much about this album online, as I grew into it slowly, and it came out shortly after a few albums I’d been talking about at length, so I figured I’d stop clogging up everybody’s feed with my music stuff.  But as I kept listening, and listening, and listening, it became clear this album was not going to go away. It is an album of absolutely confounding elements–it incorporates so many genres, styles, and influences, it’s amazing it is coherent.  And it sometimes approaches unlistenable, as vocalist Justin Vernon simply sings through a synthesizer without any music for long lengths of time.  But ultimately it’s not about being catchy, or easy, or even “artsy”.  The album is a true experience, and one that is deeply felt.

 

Some Stuff I Want

It is lately the generally accepted wisdom of the masses that one should not covet material items too much and you should spend your excess money on having experiences.  At least, this seems to be the generally accepted wisdom of my Facebook feed.  And I think I do fairly well with that; while there are certainly items I not only want but crave, I also spend a lot of my life having pretty great experiences.

All that being said, there remain some persistent bigger-ticket items that just call my name like a siren at sea, and I won’t deny it!  Perhaps it is an illness of our consumerist society, but dammit, there’s some stuff I want!  I thought it might be fun to put them here in a blog.  Please note this is just a fun exercise for me and not a veiled Christmas list.  As an adult I have never taken any joy in making out a list of things for people to buy me.  Some of these things have been bouncing around in my head as items I want for YEARS; I thought it might be therapeutic to get them out in the open.

In no particular order:

–OK, maybe in a SLIGHT order, just because this is definitely number one: Neil Young’s Mirrorball on vinyl.  It’s not my favorite album but it contains my favorite song.  Used would be fine but what I salivate over is the idea of a new, factory-sealed copy.  New copies on eBay generally go for about $100.

–I’m dying for a high-quality Philadelphia Flyers zip hoodie that goes light on the orange (but still has orange) and is heavy enough to wear for all but the coldest winter months.  Turns out all those criterion result in an expensive item.  Basically, I’m talking about this.  This would give me hoodies for all four Philly sports teams, but I don’t want to rush it and get a cheap version.  Hence, I’ve been sitting on this desire for almost two years.  I mean, who has $70 bucks for a hoodie?

–OK, I admit I have some fairly expensive interests.  I’ve been dying to get my hands on some first printings of collections of Philip Larkin poetry.  Now, this is a pretty specific area to deal in.  I am in no way talking about books actually called Collected Poems.  I am talking about the individual collections of poems AS THEY WERE PUBLISHED.  I would only be interested in them if they were FIRST PRINTINGS, which would mean they are hardcovers, usually being shipped from the UK somewhere, published in the 50s, 60s, and 70s.  These titles would be:   The Less Deceived (1955, generally sell on eBay for $60-$150), The Whitsun Weddings (1964, goes for about $150), High Windows (1974, $90-$180.  This is the most desirable one).  There are some lesser collections: The North Ship being the most notable.  I do have a second printing copy of The North Ship, for which I paid $55 in a moment of weakness some years ago.

–I really want a pair of high quality Bose earbuds.  Please note earbuds, not headphones.  I like the crazy colors, too.  Specifically these.  I will never have the cojones to shell out the money for these.

–You might not guess it to look at me, but I love shoes.  It’s just that the shoes I love, which are very specific stylistically, can usually be bought very cheaply at many local retailers.  But it turns out, there are expensive versions of the shoes I like (apparently they are Chukkas), and I will never, ever be paying for them.  But look at them. Look how pretty they are.

–I don’t often feel a need to add many DVDs to my collection nowadays, although I will still add one here and there as I see more movies I fall in love with or as classics become available.  However, there is only one movie that I feel is causing a gap in my collection by its absence.  That movie is They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? and it has been out of print on DVD for so long that new copies are very scarce.  Here look at this: a new copy of the DVD (not Blu Ray) on Amazon costs $100. You can see at that same Amazon page that used copies start at $20, but those are listed in acceptable condition.  I certainly do not mind used copies of DVDs but I balk at acceptable.  Some second-party sellers are offering New copies for $50.  Worth it but of course I can’t spend that on a single-disc, non-special edition DVD, no matter how badly I might want it.

–I love using the Roku to stream entertainment to my television.  In fact, we already own two of them.  However, in our new home, our wifi is terrible and it is a problem we don’t seem able to solve (we have been relegated to streaming Netflix via our Blu-Ray player, which is Ethernet cabled).  The thing is, I love Rokus, and the ROKU 3 has an Ethernet port.  Would this be an item of great excess?  Yes.  But I neeeeeeeeed it.

–My art book collection would basically be complete (for now) with the addition of a HIGH QUALITY, comprehensive, hardback book on Henri Rousseau.  I’m having trouble finding one to link to online, but the kind I’m thinking of is generally not cheaper than $60.  Failing that, I would settle for a framed print of The Dream (no smaller than 32×24) or The Snake Charmer (preferably 40×30).

See, I don’t ask for much!  I also like experiences!

My Favorite Music of 2014

Here we go again.  This yearly list is one of the last remaining rituals from when this blog was much more focused on reviews of and discussions about current art and media; I used to post frequent movie and music reviews, and slowly over the years it morphed into a much more personal blog.  Early on, I posted multiple year-end “favorite” lists (I avoid calling them “best of” lists, but only because it seems to piss some of you off).  One year I went as far to make a Favorite Poetry, Favorite Television, Favorite Magazines, Favorite Movies, and Favorite Music lists!  The last 3 or so years, I have only made a music list.  I still like to closely follow new-release movies, but I can no longer make a pointed effort to see enough of them in a timely fashion to make a comprehensive yearly list.

If you have any interest, you can see past year’s music lists here (they did go even further back, but they were on MySpace blogs that have unfortunately disappeared):

Favorite Music of 2013

Favorite Music of 2012

Favorite Music of 2011

Favorite Music of 2010

Favorite Music of 2009

As per usual, if you are a person who routinely gets mix discs and other neat stuff from me in the mail, a mix disc featuring a selection from all of this year’s listings is already in the mail on it’s way to you.  If you are not one of these people and want to be, leave a blog comment/ send me a Facebook message/ text me/ call me/ hit me up on Tinder (huh?) and I’ll put you on the list!  Now, the winners:

This was an especially fertile year for music for me; I’d estimate I listened to approximately 80 new-release albums this year, and really loved about half of those.  This was by far the most difficult year I’ve had when it comes to narrowing down my selections!  Some of my favorite artists had no releases this year, so it was easier to not play favorites and just judge what moved me the most.  Here are the top fifteen, in order:

15.  Modest Mouse, “Lampshades on Fire”

This is the first time in the history of my lists that I have included a single song instead of an album, but I didn’t see as I had a choice.  Modest Mouse’s new album doesn’t come out until March 2015, but this lead single, which was released about 3 weeks ago, has been almost the only thing I’ve been listening to since it came out.  An absolute piece of snarling perfection.

14.  Real Estate, Atlas

If you have any idea what “shoegaze” rock is, and you haven’t heard this album, may I suggest you stop being an idiot?

13.  Phish, Fuego

Finally a return to form after a number of disappointing releases, Fuego finds the band weaving tight, crisp jams over sparse but giddy lyrics that start to hint at the pains of being post-middle age, with a little bit of supreme confidence thrown in for good measure.

12.  Parquet Courts, Sunbathing Animal and Content Nausea

This New York post-punk-post-pop-pre-rockabilly (huh?  Here I am just joking; the music media loves to label Parquet Courts in so many ways it is ludicrous; they just make “rock” music, albeit kinda…punky?  Amateury?) really hit their stride this year, releasing two back-to-back masterpieces (the second, Content Nausea, being released by their alter ego band, Parkay Quarts).  These taut, coiled, short screeds blast at you like beautiful insults; they are loveable songs that you want to run from.

11.  The Orwells, Disgraceland

The Orwells steamrolled onto everybody’s radar this year with this unforgettable performance on Letterman.  That song (called “Who Needs You”) also features some truly daring lyrics: “You better count your blessings/ kiss your ma and pa/ You better burn that flag/ ’cause it aint against the law!/ Listen up forefathers:/ I’m not your son/ You better save the country/ You better pass the flask/ You better join the army/ I said: no thank you, dear old uncle sam!”.  When their full-length album, Disgraceland, was released shortly after the Letterman appearance, it didn’t much matter that it was a disappointing collection of small-talent noise rock: “Who Needs You” was a song debut good enough to buy them a few years of grace period.

10.  The War on Drugs, Lost in the Dream

These home-grown Philly boys blew me away with the first track on this album (while not their first album, it’s their first ‘major’ album, and the first I’d heard).  The album is aptly titled, as, if I had to name this genre of rock, I’d call it Dream Rock.  Standout track “Under the Pressure” was my anthem of early summer this year, and provided a soundtrack on repeat for my visit home to Central PA and my friend Michael’s wedding.  I have a clear memory of sitting in my dad’s car after arriving to her wedding, blasting the air conditioning, listening to “Under the Pressure” on repeat, and waiting to get out of the car until I saw someone I knew.

9.  El Ten Eleven, For Emily

One of the more unique “post-rock” outfits in the biz, this duo utilizes looping and custom instruments to create full, intensely emotive sounds.  For Emily is just a 5-song EP, but it is far from a toss-off and there is zero filler.  The production is crisper and cleaner than I’m used to from these guys; I can hear the guitarist’s fingers on the strings, a pleasant departure from the more clinical sound of their earlier (and still amazing) records.

8. Willis Earl Beal, Experiments in Time

The supremely “artsy” blues-psychedlia-R&B crooner of last year’s exquisite Nobody Knows came back right away with a solid follow-up; however, Experiments in Time lacks the urgency and necessity of his previous efforts.  Still, Time succeeds where most artists fail: every moment of this is something that could only have been made by Beal.  Everything he does is unmistakably his, a quality that is more and more rare these days.

7.  Hey Rosetta!, Second Sight

Those of you who have followed my blog for years now may be surprised by this band’s new album ranking seventh on my list this year (they’ve released two albums since I started making lists, each one ranking #1 on their release year).  I continue to maintain Hey Rosetta! as my favorite band (although it keeps being by thinner and thinner margins) and my discovery of them about 6 or 7 years ago remains a defining event of my life; alas, nothing stays perfect forever.  There are lots of moments to like on Second Sight, and a few of these songs would turn up on mix CDs I might make of the band; however, the breathless, emotion-drenched moments I crave from them are a bit too infrequent, and the times the band tries to stretch and evolve often sound too under-developed.  Nonetheless: solid, earnest, and soulful.

6.  Mono, The Last Dawn and Rays of Darkness

The premier Japanese post-rock band has finally made their masterpiece in these two simultaneously-released twin albums; Dawn explores the light, uplifting possibilities of this genre, and Darkness its depressing underbelly. Both albums are instant post-rock classics; when listened to back-to-back, it can be a damn-near enlightening experience.

5.  Delta Spirit, Into the Wide

Finally this band, who I have always loved, completely lets loose.  They get big and epic.  These are songs about hearts as big as prairies, unchecked regret, the loss of innocence, and the decay of America.  The tales are told through booming guitar loops and underlying synth structures, long atmospheric intros and cacophonous crescendos.  Singer Matt Vasquez’s voice breaks in just the right places, just the right amount of times, like a pubescent boy finally learning to control the caged beast within.

4.  This Will Destroy You, Another Language

This year, This Will Destroy You entered the small league of BANDS THAT ALWAYS MESS ME UP EMOTIONALLY.  This intense, emotive post-rock group from Texas (where else have we heard of a Texas post-rock band?) started out my year amazingly, as I worked my way through their back catalog and they made my life better.  I was caught off guard late in the year by the release of a new album!  Another Language doesn’t often reach the sublime levels of their early work, but some standout tracks (“Newtopia”, “Dustism”, “Serpent Mound”) can make a comfortable home with their best material.

3. Stars, No One is Lost

This band just keeps on growing on me.  They are wholly unique.  They fuse an indie/alternative vibe with a pop sensibility and then throw in melancholy, defeatist lyrics for a sound and feeling you simply cannot get anywhere else.  No One is Lost absolutely has to be their best album yet.  You leave it dancing your ass off, but with no idea what to feel.  The emotional confusion that Stars provokes is completely intentional and positively riveting.

2.  Warpaint, Warpaint

The album is self-titled, but it isn’t their debut album (it’s their third).  This album slithered under my skin from moment one.  It is sinister, sexy, and deliciously complex.  It is bombastic, mathematical, dynamic, coiled.  It punches, swerves, licks, plays.  The four women in Warpaint refuse to make “chick rock”, but they also do not ignore that they are women; this is rock music made from a woman’s perspective, but for everybody.  It’s not about being a woman, it’s about the experience of life, of living in bodies, the depth of feeling, the smell of smoke, the touch of a raindrop, barely felt.  This album is a sensual gut-punch.

1. Silver Mt. Zion, Fuck Off Get Free We Pour Light on Everything

This is not music for everybody.  This band–and especially this album by this band–is a pretty unhappy affair.  It does not focus on the good things in life.  It’s about dirt, pain, rot.  It is, at times, about rising above these things, about triumph–but it is about triumph as afterthought, as happenstance.  This is perhaps not a complete and accurate portrait of life: but it is not a perspective without its truth.

This downtrodden thematic perspective is accompanied by the band’s usual lengthy, repetitive, droning postpunk post-everything mess rock, but with a little (a little) more typical song structure than usual.  Like I said: this isn’t for everybody.  But you know who it is for?  Me.  While not a single song on this album could ever come even remotely close to being played on the radio (I think most radio stations would pay money to keep it away) it is, to me, one of those rarest things in modern music: true art, worthy of museum display.

 

 

Last-Minute Christmas Gifts You Could Get Me That Would (probably) Not Enrage Me

1.  A shoehorn, large, preferably cherry, with the carved face of a president, preferably Lincoln or earlier.

2.  Really, really dark lamp shades.

3.  A gallon of purest cardamom.

4.  A monocle.  Non-prescription.

5.  Extra-virgin Pepsi.

6.  Hip waders.

7.  Four scalpels.  Don’t ask.

8.  An Etruscan diary.

9.  An honorary degree.

10.  Spanglish rice.

11.  A chimera.

12.  Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.

13.  Tickets to anything Penn and Teller.

14.  Frank frank bo bank, banana fana fo fank, me my mo mank, FRANK

15.  The sound barrier

16.  A bridge over trouble water and/or the River Kwai.

17.  Mens Rea

18.  Tippecanoe.  And possibly Tyler.

19.  That other dude who’s in The Black Eyed Peas

20.  Nobody puts baby in a corner.

Stop Harshing My Groove

1.  Am I, potentially, the only person in America who said to themselves this morning, “Looks like it’s time to buy some more blank CDs!”?

2.  What do you think it would take to get this zany country of ours to do away with this whole “move the clocks back” thing?  Everyone hates it, and even those who have a full understanding of why we do it, even they don’t understand why we do it!  In a country that seems to be waking up from centuries of backward thinking (yay gay marriage! yay legal pot even though I don’t personally smoke it! yay even bigots hate Westboro Baptist!) you’d think we could find a way out of this dark-at-noon bullcrap.

3.  Those of you who are aware of the trend of men wearing fancy socks, I’d like to get your thoughts on it.  Part of me really wants to jump on that train and thinks it is very much me, and the other part of me thinks that is the opposite of me and that I should be very opposed to it.  And please, suggestions like you should do whatever you feel like are pretty pointless since I just told you I’m conflicted!

4.  I’m getting sick of dust.  I mean, when will dust just give up?  Aint nobody got time for that!

5.  Who knew there was an abandoned section of Asbury Park, New Jersey, that seems to border on “ghost town” status??? Not me, and I’ve freakin’ BEEN to Asbury Park!  Brian, why didn’t you ever tell me about this?  Geez Louise, this is right down my alley! (thanks to the lovely Karla for filling me in!)

6.  Boy howdy, do I ever freakin’ love the holidays.  I’ve blogged about this before, but I just don’t understand people’s hatred of the holiday’s “starting early”.  Oh, what’s that, you’d rather not begin feeling a kinship with your fellow man too early in the season?  Too soon for warm nostalgia, quality 50s music (that’s basically what our Christmas songs are, but mostly, as songs, they’re REALLY GOOD), eye-popping decorations, and a general air of joviality?  What is wrong with you people?? Stop harshing my groove.

Some nicknames I wouldn’t mind being known as:

1.  Spittoon Lou
2.  The Absolute Maniac
3.  Chimichanga
4.  The Texas Panhandle
5.  Bose Wave Radio
6.  Bucket o’ Blood
7.  Snubbed by the Oscars
8.  Plantain Plantain
9.  America’s Lapdog
10.  Joseph and the Coat of One Color*
11.  Unnecessary Stitches
12.  Huge Hail Balls
13.  Blogger, Frogger, Central Park Jogger*
14.  Onion Dip
15.  Technical Difficulties
16.  World’s Strongest Hipster
17.  Figgy Pudding
18.  Rolling Brownouts
19.  Dingling Brothers Circus
20.  Michelle Tanner
21.   Crawfish Salad
22.  The Elegant Sky-writer
23.  Pinochle
24.  Sid the Squid
25.  Jailbreak

*must always be said in full

Some Things I Like

Some things I like include, but are not limited to:

Dreams about dinosaurs.  Gel pens.  When fog actually rolls.  Itches you can scratch.  Falsetto.  Twine.  Cheesy films about the struggle for civil rights.  Pepperoni pizza.  A Prairie Home Companion.  Long, slow things that almost hurt.  Pointillist paintings.  My own long shadow dancing in front of me on dying summer afternoons.  Loud guitars.  White-out.  Bobbleheads.  Bubble baths in the dark.  My own horrible Jimmy Stewart impression.  Musty smell of books and basements.  Gallagher smashing watermelons.  The pop and hiss of old vinyl records, and the absence of the pop and hiss on new vinyl records.  Things that just barely tickle.  American cheese.  Cheddar cheese.  New socks.  Neil Young.  When lightning strikes again and again and again really fast but far away.  Plays by Luigi Pirandello.  Socially brazen stray cats.  Funiculars.  Regional history.  Keith Olberman. Those Easter Island statues.  Pandora Radio.  Russian nesting dolls.  Cola.  When pimples pop themselves.  Early Streisand films.  O Canada.  Major League Baseball’s National League rules.  Women wearing fingerless gloves, or who put their thumbs through self-made holes in their hoodie sleeves.  Also women who wear shower caps.  The charming and endearing music of Henry Mancini.  Cheese crackers.  The moment when you know you’re dreaming, but you’re still dreaming.  Lightning bugs.  Unexpectedly making a roomful of people laugh.  Backscratchers.  Dave Eggers.  French kissing.  A good game of hide-and-seek.  Hanging things on walls.  Sporks.  The New York Times.  Lava lamps.  Peeing when you had to pee so bad.  Those pull-down ladders that let you into crawl-space attics.  Polaroids.  Campfires.  Q-tips.  Shoe horns, although I’ve never used one.  Snuggies.  Drum solos.  Red Bull.  Sweating.  Owls.  Notebooks.  The WWII poetry of Randall Jarrell.  Text messages.  Blistex medicated lip ointment.  Umpires who scream every single strike call, all game long, and point emphatically.  Secondhand clothing.  Airplanes.  The Revolutionary War.  Summer, as hot as possible.  The United States Postal Service.  Protein shakes.  Riding my bike.  Skylines.  What people in the past thought the future was going to be like.  Kate Winslet.  The Appalachians.  Discover magazine.  Recently stained wood.  Looking up television commercials from my childhood on YouTube.  Coffee.  Those station wagons with wood paneling.  Anderson Cooper.  Pictures of my parents when they were children.  The Beatles.  Salt.  The Philadelphia concert venue The Electric Factory.  Hotel rooms, and showers in hotel rooms.  Cleveland.  The moment when you know they are bringing your food to the table.  Multi-colored thumb tacks.  The Philadelphia 76ers.  Brita filtered water.  80s movies about small, strange monsters.  When you can see the clouds overhead moving so fast, so fast.  Pennsylvania.  The free purple-ink pens that Planet Fitness gives out.  President Obama.  Flannel.  Escalators.  24 (the TV show).  Yogurt-covered pretzels.  “Boyshorts”.  Dueling pianos.  Postcards, both current and vintage.  The Johnstown Flood.  Big League Chew.  Those moments when you understand life is just life and enjoy a slice of peace.  Aaron Burr. Skinnydipping.  Hiking.  The moment the lights go down in a movie theater.   Black and white photography.  The ACLU.  Advil.  Instant mashed potatoes.  People playing instruments on the street for money.  The Golden Girls.  Pistachio-flavored anything.  The film scores of Hans Zimmer. Craft stores.  Meatloaf.  Roku.  The Philadelphia Inquirer.  Vermeer.  Putting lotion on my feet.  My mother’s lasagna.  The Erie Seawolves.  The ocean.  I’ve never been to the Cape of Good Hope, but I like it.    Netflix.  Elephants.  The Fourth of July.  Kitchen-cut green beans.  Snapchat.  Early-to-mid-90s Marvel Comics.  The Christmas music of Mariah Carey.  Ten minute naps.  Deep dark secrets.  Mall food courts.  Actually just malls in general.  FORA.tv.  Stoppage time.  Planned Parenthood.  Post-its.  Mirror Balls.  Women wearing anklets or makeup with glitter in it.  Amusement parks, even though I don’t ride rides.  Sundae bars.  Waking up four hours before your alarm is set to go off and contentedly drifting back to sleep.  Stretching.  The best poem I’ve ever read and imagine I ever will read, “Aubade” by Philip Larkin.  Sugar plums.  Newville, Pennsylvania, and its “Fountain Festival”.  The Mullica Hill Amish Farmer’s Market, of South Jersey. Gremlins, one and two.  Moments when I think I might have it all figured out.

My Favorite Music of 2013

It is time once again, fair blog readers, for the last remaining “year-end” list that I still do: music.  I’ve been making these lists since 2007, but the first few were on my MySpace blog, which has been destroyed, but you can see past Notes From the Fire music lists here:

Favorite Music of 2009

Favorite Music of 2010

Favorite Music of 2011

Favorite Music of 2012

If you are a person who regularly receives CDs from me in the mail, you’ll be getting a mix disc representing this list.  Don’t get discs from me and want one?  Drop me an e-mail/ text/ blog comment and I’ll send you one.  Oh, and just to be clear, this is my favorite music that was released in 2013, not just the music I loved the most during the year.  That list would look a bit different.

I had to make it a top 11 list, I was unable to take any of these artists off the list.  So, without further ado, in order, the albums I liked most in 2013:

11.  Elvis Costello and The Roots, “Wise Up Ghost”

What seems like an unlikely pairing when you first hear about it turns out to be something that seems like it should have happened all along.  All snarl, no filler.

10.  Editors, “The Weight of Your Love”

These British whiners just keep finding ways to whine that feel like they’re punching you in the goddamn throat.  And they keep building on previous albums and boldly evolving.

9.  Kings of Leon, “Mechanical Bull”

We’re obviously never going back to the shit-kicking jambalaya balling rock of the band’s youth, but this new, outsized punching bag swing will do just fine.

8.  Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, “Push the Sky Away”

An album a little short on excitement, but 100% dripping in atmosphere, as well as what this band does best: the saddest sex songs on Earth.

7.  Deerhunter, “Monomania”

The creepy indie shoegazers are back, and NOT weirder than ever! Bradford Cox and company get a little more structured on this disc, which suits them just fine.  Have four minutes?  Watch this.  All the way through.

6.  Kinski, “Cosy Moments”

The little-known drone-rockers (I just made up that term) get all vocal-y on their best album yet.  Unlike anything you’ve ever heard.

5. “Oblivion” soundtrack by M83

The French electronica duo M83 have here crafted the most jarring, emotionally resonant film score since Hans Zimmer’s “Inception”.

4.  Willis Earl Beal, “Nobody Knows”

Willis Earl Beal

Probably the most thrilling, humbling, disquieting debut from a solo artist that I have ever been witness to.  Please get on the Willis Earl Beal train.  His music is soulful, disturbing, beautiful, and pummeling.  In addition, he’s a personality with clear potential to ascend to the next level in the cultural zeitgeist.  Get on the train early, you heard it here first.  Plus, watch this.

 

3.  Arcade Fire, “Reflektor”

 

Perennially one of my favorite bands, most years this album would have taken my #1 spot, but the competition was stiff this year.  Like their previous outings, “Reflektor” is a true work of artistic genius, both analytical and guttural, not afraid to come at modern topics through academic approaches, and canvassing world music and deep rock history for influences, resulting in a rounded, eclectic-sounding collection of contemplative ass-kickers.

2.   The National, “Trouble Will Find Me”

 

If I were to, right this moment, make a list of my favorite bands, The National would almost certainly be #1.  Matt Berninger’s wickedly free-associative lyrics uncover profound things within me, and the band’s perfectly balanced approach to squeezing life through a hole in a tomato aligns precisely with my temperament.  This album (the first new one to come out since I became a fan of the band) was no disappointment.  I’ve listened to its melancholy bathtub bleedout tunes hundreds of times this year.  Click here to watch the lyric video I made of my favorite song on the album, “Don’t Swallow the Cap”.  It references the Beatles and Nirvana’s “Nevermind”.  You’ll like it, but listen to it twice in a row.

1.  Man Man, “On Oni Pond”

 

Man Man are a band like no other.  They are most often termed “experimental”, but some of the more memorable labels that have been adhered to them are “Viking swing”, “carnival rock” and “voodoo funk”.  They must be experienced to be understood.

While I am always excited for a new Man Man album, they have always been more about the live experience for me.  I do believe this is even the first time one of their albums has made one of my year-end lists, let alone topped it.  I was never expecting “On Oni Pond” to blow me away the way it did.

Here the band actually attempts to “mature” while maintaining their signature quirkiness.  It works in ways I wouldn’t have thought possible.  Honus Honus (the moniker lead singer Ryan Kattner goes by) sings in turns about seemingly silly things like “pink wontons” or Wolf Blitzer (in the song “End Boss”) and then turns around and gently reminds us “nobody knows/ where the time goes./  nobody knows” (in “Fangs”).  The combination of calculated buffoonery and genuine affectation left me wanting more, dancing around my living room.

 

It’s My Thought That Counts

It occurs to me with no lack of regularity that, because of my persistent status as single and childless, that I have significantly fewer opportunities to receive presents as the rest of you romantic and procreating beasts.  And hey, listen, I’m gonna admit something most people avoid saying out loud:  I would like more presents!

So recently, I was thinking, maybe it’s not just the lack of Valentines, Father’s Day, and anniversary (as well as the extra gifts one gets at Christmas and birthdays etc, from your significant other and children) that are preventing me from getting a significant amount of free goods.  Perhaps part of the problem is, when gifting times roll around, many of you potential gifters think my interests are limited to just a few things, like pompous music, post-1930s American and British poetry, and the films of Alfred Hitchcock, and you just don’t know how to buy presents for a guy like that!  And, while it is true that I really love those things, the fact of the matter is, I have literally hundreds of interests, and with the advent of the internet, there is nearly no shortage of ways you can spend money on me! And the internet also means it is very easy for me to re-sell something you may accidentally get me that I already have!

So, in case you have just been hankering to buy a gift for a guy but don’t know who the hell Philip Larkin is, I will here lay out for you a massive list of interests I rarely talk about, but I assure you I am just crazy for!

1.  Soundtracks to movies made before 1980 on vinyl records

2.  Anything to do with early thought on city planning, especially dealing with pioneer Jane Jacobs

3.  I like hats

4.  I like notebooks to write in, but not one with Hallmark-y or sentimental messages printed on the cover

5.  Corduroy clothing

6.  I collect old postcards, preferably with messages written on them, preferably from 1915 and earlier

7.  Single-issue Marvel comics (any title) from between 1993-1997 are usually a good bet

8.  Anything celebrating the state of Pennsylvania, especially including its coat of arms

9.  Back-issues of Discover magazine, pre-2005.

10.  Post-it notes, white-out, index cards, legal pads, mechanical pencils

11.  Owls

12.  Games for the original Game Boy (original only, no Game Boy color!)

13.  First edition of any book by Orson Scott Card, Dave Eggers, Flannery O’Connor, or John Updike

14.  Hoodies or winter coats ordered from the websites of any of my favorite bands.

15.  Anything that you see on this list, if you can find a mousepad that in some way depicts or deals with it, I would like to own that mousepad

16.  I have a genuine interest in the Johnstown Flood.  Aside from the famous book by David McCullough, I own nothing about it.

17.  Aside from the DVDs, any merchandise or materials related to the film “Labyrinth” would be a home run.

18.  I have a high interest in the European particle accelerator known as the Large Hadron Collider, or LHC (sometimes also called CERN).  Yes, there is merchandise.

19.  I love Grey Flannel cologne but haven’t owned any in years.

20.  Any DVD that says it is part of the “Criterion Collection”…you can buy me that.

21.  I am a big fan of motorized inclined planes, or “funiculars“.

22.  I love backscratchers.  It is not possible for me to own too many of them.

23.  Books or materials about early American filmmaking are always great (post 1910 and D.W. Griffiths only, I have no interest in Edison’s important but dreadfully boring experiments).

24.  Dr. Strange is my favorite comic book character.  I have plenty of stuff but feel free to take a leap of faith, there’s a lot out there.  Statues, figures, and busts are especially desired.

25.  The easiest thing on the list:  I love all Philadelphia sports teams.

26.  I have an interest in Quantum Physics.  There are tons of books and DVDs on the subject.  I will read and watch them all.

27.  John Sloan, the painter.  That man painted my soul.

28.  I am intrigued by the lost colony of Roanoke and would love to learn more about it.

29.  Post-Revolution, my favorite historical figure is Aaron Burr.

30.  I could always use a new (good) digital camera.

31.  I have an interest in but have not read much about behavioral psychologist BF Skinner.

32.  I am a major evangelist for Dr. Pepper, and even more specifically Diet Dr. Pepper, and I will, without irony, wear, brandish, or otherwise use merchandise imprinted with this soda’s logo.

33.  I have always been smitten with now-deceased scientist Carl Sagan, and any of his books are welcome.  Likewise, his television series, “Cosmos”, and any materials related to it, are high on my love list.

34.  In the realm of living scientists, I have a bona fide man-crush on Neil DeGrasse Tyson and will gladly accept his books, DVDs, or tickets to see him speak somewhere.

35.  I get weak in the knees for Ben and Jerry’s “Late Night Snack”.

36.  Art Spiegelman’s masterpiece of graphic novel literature, “Maus”, is an all-time fave, but is always priced just out of reach.

37.  Toblerones.

38.  Coffee-table sized books featuring the art of Henri Rousseau, and/or merchandise featuring his paintings “The Dream” or “The Snake Charmer“.  If I listed all of these items in order by what I’m interested in right now, this one might be #1.

39.  I have an odd interest in the history of the Mormon religion, specifically the handcart disaster, the Mountain Meadows massacre, and the early life and “visions” of founder Joseph Smith.

40.  I’d love a Polaroid camera.

41.  I love coffee, of course, and there are a few things I still need, primarily a pour-over set for iced coffee and a French Press.

42.  If I hit the lottery tomorrow, two of the first purchases I’d make would be the complete series of “The Fraggles” and “24” on DVD.  Don’t judge me.

43.  My favorite living poet is Billy Collins.  I have all his books.  See what else you can do.

44.  I love riding my bike.  But I’m not a serious biker, like, wearing spandex, etc.  I do it just to cruise around.  But I could use a new lock, gel seat cover, or other biking stuff you might think of.  I could also use a new bike, but if you want to go that far, we should probably collaborate on that.

45.  Anything relating to the old TV shows “Northern Exposure“, “Twin Peaks“, or “Picket Fences“.  I own the entire series of “Northern Exposure”, but other than that, it’s open season.

46.  I find the Donner party very interesting.  I have read this book on it, but nothing else.

47.  I like to use caramel coffee syrup in my coffee and oatmeal.  I can never have too much of it.

48.  I love newspapers, but it’s not easy to find merchandise regarding them, such as hats, shirts, etc.  My favorite newspapers are The New York Times, The Philadelphia Inquirer, and USA Today.

49.  Museum memberships.  Any kind of museum.  Art, history, whatever.  I can’t imagine a gift I would love much more than a membership to just about any museum.  Currently, I am a member of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, but no other museums.

50.  Old coinage, pre-1900, from early America or other countries.  Confederate money would be very cool.

Umps, Bananas, Walruses, Oh My!

1.  Animals are funky, am I right?  I mean, giraffes, hippos, fucking walruses.  I mean, what the heck?!

2.  Why are street festivals so entertaining and fun? I mean honestly, most of the time, the things occurring at street festivals are only moderately enjoyable, at best (if there were a funnel cake truck set up on a street corner on a normal day, but not part of a street festival, I dare say a majority of people would walk past it), but when a street is closed off and we give the festival a fun name or theme, people flock to it in droves.

3.  It’s surprisingly easy to forget about the fact that somebody you know has a very unfortunate last name.  I know people with last names like Graves, Tomb, Fish, Hair, and Noseworthy.  (sorry if any of you are reading this)  The first time you meet them or get introduced to them, it strikes you as perhaps odd, and you may think, wow, that last name sucks, but in no time at all, you’ve forgotten the real-world meaning of their name, and it is just…their name.

4.  What is going on with baseball umpires this season?  Until now, they’ve been pillars of self-control and poise, almost like they possessed some kind of super-human ability to not inject themselves personally into the sometimes incredibly monumental events they are a part of.  Now all of a sudden, this season, it’s like an umpire reality show going on. What the heck?

5.  A few days ago, I went in to work on an opening shift (I don’t use the name of my employer online, but I work for a very famous international chain of coffeehouses).  I entered the building at about 5am, turned on all the lights, and walked through the “bar” area (that’s behind the counter) to see how the close had gone the night before.  My gaze swept past the front counter where we sell pastries and assorted other goodies, and I noticed a piece of paper of some kind sitting in the basket of bananas.  I approached it.  It was very unusual.  It was a small envelope with just the word “Banana” written on it.  This is the envelope:

I opened it to find a carefully folded piece of paper, with what appeared to be a handwritten poem addressed to the banana.  Before I show you the poem, I’ll skip to the end of the story: that afternoon, the guy who had closed the night before came in, and I asked him what was up with the envelope.  His response: “Some girl came in, who I’d never seen before (read: not a “regular”) and handed it to me and asked me if I’d give it to the bananas.  She said I could read it if I wanted to, but if I did, I had to read it aloud to the bananas.  I left it here cause I figured you’d get a kick out of it.”

Dear Banana,

I am sorry…we may have to split ways.
You’re delicious and nutritious but as far as
most of us can tell, produced in a world that is
fictitious.

I’ve been asking for a very long time,
why can’t you just grow in my backyard?
Why do you have to travel so far?

Please don’t take offense.  I hope you understand,
it’s not you, it’s my foes.
Oh this is too hard, I hope I am making sense,
it would have been awful for me to live at
your expense.

My Favorite Music of 2012

Well well fair blog readers, it is time once again for my year-end favorite music list.  Unlike in years past, this will be the only year-end list here on Notes From the Fire, as I simply haven’t been paying enough attention to anything else to make a decent list.

If you’d like to go back in time, here are links to previous years’ lists:

2011

2010

2009

There were two years of lists before these, but they were on my MySpace blog, which has mysteriously disappeared.  As usual, a mix disc representative of this blog has been made and will be automatically sent to those of you on my “mailing list”; if you aren’t and you want to be, contact me!

All music on this list was released in calendar year 2012.  The list itself is limited to only full-length albums, but there are some runners-up after the list by artists that either didn’t release full-length albums, or whose album sucked, but since this is literally a list of my “favorite music” released this year, it seemed silly to continue limiting it to only full albums.  Now: the list!

10.  Benjamin Gibbard, “Former Lives”

Death Cab for Cutie frontman Gibbard unleashed his first solo effort this year, and of course, it sounds and feels a lot like Death Cab, but lyrically, the album sticks solely to relationships (mostly romantic, but occasionally musing on friendship, too) and never veers onto some of the larger topics Death Cab albums often deal with.  A highlight is Gibbard’s duet with Aimee Mann on “Bigger Than Love“.

9.  Delta Spirit, “Delta Spirit”

The California indie rocker’s, on their second album, grow and evolve from the raw, straight-ahead power they used on 2010’s “History From Below” into a band with more textured, layered sublety, while still retaining their ability to outright gut-punch their listeners.

8.  Alabama Shakes, “Boys and Girls”

The Shakes have spearheaded a new movement of indie Americana, and nobody is going to do it better than they do. They’re not writing songs for the radio.  There are no enormous, sweeping, soundtrack-ready singalong choruses (hello there, annoying second chapter of the Mumford and Sons story), just genuine feeling and the ache of living and working in an America that doesn’t notice you.

7.  Neil Young and Crazy Horse, “Psychedelic Pill”

Young and Crazy Horse had quite a year this year, putting out an album of covers, as well as this album, their first new original music together in many, many years.  And it did not disappoint.  A double-disc album, it only has eight songs on it, as these crunchy blasts of feedback perfection keep stretching over the 20 minute mark.  Not to be missed if you’ve ever been a fan of what Young and Crazy Horse do together.

6.  El Ten Eleven, “Transitions”

Practitioners of the dark art of Post-Rock, this duo uses live looping to replicate their large sound in the live setting.  This year’s album, “Transitions”, found them reaching even further toward the epic, big-idea tomes their genre-mates usually turn out, although they still often give their songs goofy titles, like “Thanks Bill“.

5.  Public Enemy, “The Evil Empire of Everything”

I know what you’re saying!  “Rap?!”  Well, yes.  Way back in the day when I was solely into rap (ie, high school) Public Enemy was one of my favorite acts.  Chuck D is an amazing lyricist and they are very hard-hitting musically.  A review in a magazine prompted me to check out this new album, and I was instantly smitten.  Their music is, in fact, closer to “rock” than most hip hop acts, and Chuck’s radical social conscious speaks to my ever-more-liberal than last year ideals.  But warning: this dude is more liberal than you are (whoever you are), and if you have a problem with a black dude still accusing the white establishment of fucking with black folks (which definitely still happens, black president or not) then you should stay away from Public Enemy (and enjoy your Kenny Chesney concert).

4.  Neil Young and Crazy Horse, “Americana”

The first album Young and Crazy Horse put out this year, “Americana” is a collection of classic American folk songs, re-written in gritty, in-your-face grunge style that goes great lengths of changing (or in some cases, re-enforcing) how we view these songs we’ve all heard hundreds of times.  Read more about it and stream the entire album here.

3.  Emily Wells, “Mama”

Emily Wells, a solo artist who utilizes live looping much like El Ten Eleven, writes haunting, unconventional visions of angst and longing, but on this year’s “Mama” she took things a step further by writing flat-out stunning poetry for lyrics.  On previous albums she had always witten very effective, affecting songs, but on “Mama” she gets subtle, roundabout, and mysterious while keeping things just within reach of accesibility.  If she continues to evolve at this rate her next album will cement her status as a cult hero.

2.  Godspeed You! Black Emperor, “‘Allelujah! Don’t Bend! Ascend!”

Aside from perhaps classical and some jazz, there is absolutely nothing more serious in the world of music than Godspeed You! Black Emperor.  Do not approach this band if you are not capable of listening to music to ponder your absolute and complete reason for existence.  And to explore where the line between perfect joy and utter despiar lies.  The godfathers (and godmothers) of post-rock, Godspeed hadn’t released an album in 10 years, and speculation had asserted they probably were not going to.  So when “‘Allelujah” was announced, it sent shockwaves through the post-rock community, with most people assuming no album they could release would possibly be able to live up to expectations.  But they proved everyone wrong.  The album came out to almost universal acclaim.  Most people are actually somewhat baffled by the post-rock perfection that goes on here, and how, after 5 of their own albums and countless (truly, countless) copycat bands, Godspeed is somehow still able to surprise us and find new, truly incredible ways to make this kind of music.  Also, having purchased the album on vinyl, I have a code for a free download of this album that I will pass along to the first person who asks for it.

1.  Band of Horses, “Mirage Rock”

Over the course of the last few years, Band of Horses have come to the forefront of my music-listening life (although I hesitate to crown them my “favorite band”, as other bands might be more at the forefront if they’d been on the same album release and tour schedule as Band of Horses).  The band’s sound, the lyrical content and the overall subject matter of the songs, and even all the albums’ packaging (every album so far has come with a packet of photographs that don’t say anything on them and are just assumed to be a visual accompaniment to the music) steers me to this band.  This year’s “Mirage Rock” only ramped up this enjoyment all the more.  Songs like “Slow Cruel Hands of Time” seem to not only be about my own feelings, but practically a plot-specific memoir of my life.  For the last six months, “Mirage Rock” has been a steady and constant companion, the true soundtrack to my life, and as such, it gets this year’s number one spot!

Runner-up songs:
Imagine Dragons, “Radioactive”
Bruce Springsteen, “We Take Care of Our Own”
Gary Clark Jr., “When My Train Pulls In”
GROUPLOVE, “Itchin’ on a Photograph”
Silversun Pickups, “Skin Graph”
Grizzly Bear, “Yet Again”
Kaiser Chiefs, “Little Shocks”
Mogwai, “San Pedro”
Hey Rosetta!, “New Year Song”

Lists

Chances are, you care about none or almost none of my top ten lists presented here.  But you have to live with the fact that this post exists anyway.

It’s no secret that I love making top 10, top 5, or even top 100 lists of the things I love.  Not only do I love making them, but I find having them in the public sphere (ie, my blog) handy from time-to-time, as I’m discussing my favorites of something with someone and I can say, hold on, I actually have my list made, let me link you to it.

Over the past few years, I’ve made a few big lists (bands, books, directors, etc), but I find that some of these change so fast, use of the list in any sort of real-time discussion becomes moot.  So I am here updating them, although a few of them remain relatively the same as their original lists, others have changed drastically.

I am including a list of my top ten favorite movies for the first time since I made a very controversial top-100-movie list 6 or 7 years ago on my MySpace blog (most of which has disappeared for no reason).  This movie list will no doubt cause quite a stir with Kyle; it would also doubtless cause a stir with many of my other movie-centric friends, if in fact any of them still read my blog, the bastards.

All lists are in order, and are a list of my favorites, not what I consider “the best”.

My top ten favorite poets

10.  Randall Jarrell
9.   Jane Kenyon
8.  William Carlos Williams
7.   Sylvia Plath
6.  Billy Collins
5.  Denise Levertov
4.  E.E. Cummings
3.  Robert Creeley
2.  John Updike
1.  Philip Larkin

My top 5 favorite hockey teams

5.  San Jose Sharks
4.  Phoenix Coyotes
3.  Buffalo Sabres
2.  Columbus Blue Jackets
1.  Philadelphia Flyers

My 10 favorite (non-documentary) film directors

10.  Lars von Trier
9.  Sidney Lumet
8.  Terrence Malick
7.  Christopher Nolan
6.  Darren Aronofsky
5.  Danny Boyle
4.  Stanley Kubrick
3.  Werner Herzog
2.  Paul Thomas Anderson
1.  Alfred Hitchcock

My 5 favorite sodas

5.  Coke Zero
4.  Mr. Pibb
3.  RC Cola
2.  Tab
1.  Dr. Pepper

My top five football teams

5.  Detroit Lions
4.  Seattle Seahawks
3.  Buffalo Bills
2.  Cleveland Browns
1.  Philadelphia Eagles

My four favorite seaons

4.  Winter
3.  Autumn
2.  Spring
1.  Summer

My top ten radio shows

10.  Tell Me More (NPR)
9.  Science Friday (NPR)
8.  Mike and Mike in the Morning (ESPN Radio)
7.  On the Media (NPR)
6.  MLB Roundtrip (MLB Radio)
5.  A Praire Home Companion (NPR)
4.  Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me!  (NPR)
3.  Talk of the Nation (NPR)
2.  On Point (NPR)
1.  Car Talk (NPR)

My top ten bands

10.  The Beatles
9.  Pearl Jam
8.  Godspeed You! Black Emperor
7.  Seven Mary Three
6.  Death Cab For Cutie
5.  Explosions in the Sky
4.  My Morning Jacket
3.  Band of Horses
2.  The National
1.  Hey Rosetta!

My top ten favorite TV shows

10.  Firefly
9.   Mythbusters
8.  Breaking Bad
7.  Seinfeld
6.  Picket Fences
5.  Carnivale
4.  24
3.  Mad Men
2.  LOST
1.  Northern Exposure

My top 5 baseball teams

5.  Baltimore Orioles
4.  New York Mets
3.  Kansas City Royals
2.  Cleveland Indians
1.  Philadelphia Phillies

My top ten favorite movies

10.  12 Angry Men
9.   Rope
8.  Citizen Kane
7.  Fitzcarraldo
6.  Children of Men
5.  Night of the Hunter
4.  Magnolia
3.  Where the Wild Things Are
2.  I’m Still Here
1.  The Tree of Life

My five favorite novelists

5.  Orson Scott Card
4.  Mark Twain
3.  Dave Eggers
2.  John Kennedy Toole
1.  Kurt Vonnegut

My top 5 (pre-my-birth) presidents

5.  John Adams
4.  Abraham Lincoln
3.  James K. Polk
2.  George Washington
1.  Franklin D. Roosevelt

My ten favorite books

10.  “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” by Dave Eggers
9.  “Maps in a Mirror” by Orson Scott Card
8.  “Slaughterhouse-5” by Kurt Vonnegut
7.  “Dubliners” by James Joyce
6.  “Letters From the Earth” by Mark Twain
5.  “Cat’s Cradle” by Kurt Vonnegut
4.  “The Sun Also Rises” by Ernest Hemingway
3.  “Lord of the Flies” by William Golding
2.  “A Confederacy of Dunces” by John Kennedy Toole
1.  “The Grapes of Wrath” by John Steinbeck

My ten favorite friends of all-time

Ha!  You thought I was gonna do this one???

My ten favorite albums

10.  “Plans” by Death Cab for Cutie
9.   “Infinite Arms” by Band of Horses
8.   “Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Live Forever” by Explosion in the Sky
7.   “Seeds” by Hey Rosetta!
6.  “The Fire in Our Throats Will Beckon the Thaw” by Pelican
5.   “Secret Samadhi” by LIVE
4.   “Abbey Road” by The Beatles
3.   “RockCrown” by Seven Mary Three
2.   “High Violet” by The National
1.  “Into Your Lungs (and Around in Your Heart and On Through Your Blood)” by Hey Rosetta!

Top women I’ve slept with

1.  Seriously, read this

My 100 Favorite Books, In Order

Well, I don’t know about you, but I saw this entry coming a mile away.  Over the last few years, I just sort of got this bug in me to get definitive all-time favorite lists out in the public sphere.  Thankfully, there aren’t many left to do!

I did my 100 favorite movies a few years ago on my old MySpace blog, which MySpace recently and inexplicably deleted—but that’s a good thing, as that list has now pretty much changed entirely, and I doubt I’ll be trying that one again anytime soon.  More recently, here on this blog, I’ve done my 100 favorite bands, viewable here, although that was 2 and a half years ago, and that list would also look considerably diferent today.  Also, there is my list of 100 favorite albums, which can be seen here–that list is a little more slow to change.  Then there’s the list of my 50 favorite directors, right here, which would look the same right now.  And of course there’s the ongoing favorite song list—entries to date can be seen by clicking here.

OK, if you’re new to my lists and have even the slightest interest how I do them, here’s my method:  I imagine I’m on a desert island and compile a list of the 100 books (or whatever I’m doing for that list) I’d want on the island.  That’s the list I start with.  Then I imagine, once on the island, I have to get rid of one book.  The first one to go is number 100.  Then I do the process all over again until I get to number one.  If any of you have a truly staggering amount of free time, I highly suggest doing this, as it always surprises me.  I honestly found myself surprised by my top 10 books.

Now, for the obligatory ground rules I gave myself.  I didn’t use any poetry, just because that complicated the whole process too much.  I could use collections of short stories, but not “Collected Short Stories” (short story readers understand the difference here).  I also disallowed graphic novels, but I’m not sure why.  “Maus” really should be on this list.  Maybe I’ll do a 50 Favorite Graphic Novels list sometime.  I also didn’t include any plays, even though I actually do enjoy reading plays quite a bit; it just seemed odd to compare plays to other forms of literature.

I’ve tried as best as possible to represent my favorite books from all eras of my reading life, and what is interesting is how it has made apparent to me that I’ve gone through, essentially, three distinct phases: my first days as an avid reader were spent mostly with soft science fiction (which still makes up about ten percent of my current reading.  Seriously, it’s really cheap), followed by a period of contemporary or recent classic literature, followed by my current taste for history and sociology.  Of course, there are plenty of exceptions throughout.  It’s been an incredibly interestng experience making the list; I actually hadn’t realized the different stages I had gone through in my reading life.

I have actually linked every entry here in case anyone sees a title that strikes their fancy or are reminded of something they once read or wanted to read.  Also, clicking back and forth will increase my view count, upon which I hang a disproportionate amount of my self-esteem.  Peace out!

100.  “Travels With Charley” by John Steinbeck
99.  “Sometimes a Great Notion” by Ken Kesey
98.  “Devil’s Gate” by David Roberts
97.  “Treason” by Orson Scott Card
96.  “Stones of Summer” by Dow Mossman
95.  “The Postman” by David Brin
94.  “What is the What” by Dave Eggers
93.  “Five Against One” by Kim Neely
92.  “Dream Park” by Larry Niven and Steven Barnes
91.  “Watership Down” by Richard Adams
90.  “Lake Wobegon Days” by Garrison Keillor
89.  “In a Sunburned Country” by Bill Bryson
88.  “Winesburg, Ohio” by Sherwood Anderson
87.  “Flowers in the Attic” by VC Andrews
86.  “Downtown Owl” by Chuck Klosterman
85.  “The Lost City of Z” by David Grann
84.  “The Man-Kzin Wars” by Larry Niven
83.  “Fight Club” by Chuck Palahniuk
82.  “A Million Little Pieces” by James Frey
81.  “Don Quixote” by Miguel de Cervantes
80.  “Swamplandia!” by Karen Russell
79.  “Four Hats in the Ring” by Lewis L. Gould
78.  “Time’s Arrow” by Martin Amis
77.  “Columbine” by Dave Cullen
76.  “Rabbit, Run” by John Updike
75.  “Angela’s Ashes” by Frank McCourt
74.  “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?” by Philip K. Dick
73.  “Bluebeard” by Kurt Vonnegut
72.  “Rising Sun” by Michael Crichton
71.  “The Long Walk” by Stephen King (writing as Richard Bachman)
70.  “As I Lay Dying” by William Faulkner
69.  “Seventh Son” by Orson Scott Card
68.  “Hyperion” by Dan Simmons
67.  “You Shall Know Our Velocity” by Dave Eggers
66.  “The Shining” by Stephen King
65.  “Mars” by Ben Bova
64.  “Into the Wild” by Jon Krakauer
63.  “The Subterraneans” by Jack Kerouac
62.  “The Illustrated Man” by Ray Bradbury
61.  “O Pioneers!” by Willa Cather
60.  “Polk” by Walter Borneman
59.  “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” by Jonathan Safran Foer
58.  “Desperate Passage” by Ethan Rarick
57.  “Fahrenheit 451” by Ray Bradbury
56.  “The Invisible Man” by Ralph Ellison
55.  “The Road” by Cormac McCarthy
54.  “The Bluest Eye” by Toni Morrison
53.  “This Side of Paradise” by F. Scott Fitzgerald
52.  “Black Like Me” by John Howard Griffin
51.  “Bleak House” by Charles Dickens
50.  “The Corrections” by Jonathan Franzen
49.  “Mason & Dixon” by Thomas Pynchon
48.  “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” by C.S. Lewis
47.  “Forward the Foundation” by Isaac Asimov
46.  “The Problem of Pain” by C.S. Lewis
45.  “A Walk in the Woods” by Bill Bryson
44.  “So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish” by Douglas Adams
43.  “Breakfast of Champions” by Kurt Vonnegut
42.  “A Farewell to Arms” by Ernest Hemingway
41.  “One Hundred Years of Solitude” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
40.  “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” by Robert Pirsig
39.  “Fallen Founder: The Life of Aaron Burr” by Nancy Isenberg
38.  “On the Road” by Jack Kerouac
37.  “Light in August” by William Faulkner
36.  “The Johnstown Flood” by David McCullough
35.  “In Cold Blood” by Truman Capote
34.  “Utilitarianism” by John Stuart Mill
33.  “Tropic of Capricorn” by Henry Miller
32.  “Almost a Miracle” by John Ferling
31.  “The Mysterious Stranger” by Mark Twain
30.  “A Clockwork Orange” by Anthony Burgess
29.  “A Good Man is Hard to Find” by Flannery O’Connor
28.  “House of Leaves” by Mark Z. Danielewski
27.  “Love in the Time of Cholera” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
26.  “The Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger
25.  “The Fountainhead” by Ayn Rand
24.  “The Death and Life of Great American Cities” by Jane Jacobs
23.  “Deadeye Dick” by Kurt Vonnegut
22.  “Speaker for the Dead” by Orson Scott Card
21.  “The Colony” by John Tayman
20.  “The Air-Conditioned Nightmare” by Henry Miller
19.  “Cosmos” by Carl Sagan
18.  “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” by Mark Twain
17.  “Helter Skelter” by Vincent Buglioso
16.  “The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test” by Tom Wolfe
15.  “Ender’s Game” by Orson Scott Card
14.  “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” by Douglas Adams
13.  “Nine Stories” by J.D. Salinger
12.  “Catch-22” by Joseph Heller
11.  “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand
10.  “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” by Dave Eggers
9.  “Maps in a Mirror” by Orson Scott Card
8.  “Slaughterhouse-5” by Kurt Vonnegut
7.  “Dubliners” by James Joyce
6.  “Letters From Earth” by Mark Twain
5.  “Cat’s Cradle” by Kurt Vonnegut
4.  “The Sun Also Rises” by Ernest Hemingway
3.  “Lord of the Flies” by William Golding
2.  “A Confederacy of Dunces” by John Kennedy Toole
1.  “The Grapes of Wrath” by John Steinbeck

My 64th Favorite Song of All-Time

is:

“Ants Marching” by Dave Matthews Band

The song that got me “into” this band initially, making them my favorite band for a good while until I discovered other stuff, and making them the band I saw live the most times until well into my sobriety, when I caught the Pearl Jam live bug.  First, it’s a super catchy song.  And I just love the way it ties in the drudgery of everyday modern life with the inner, intensely emotional and rich lives all of us “ants” have.  The part, “Goes to visit his mommy.  She feeds him well, his concerns he forgets them, and remembers being small…playing under the table and dreaming” constantly chokes me up, almost two decades after I first heard it.  I’ve posted just a live video (which is superb) on account of the band’s reputation as a live act (which is quite earned):

My Favorite Movies of 2011

I don’t have a whole lot to say by way of a prelude here.  Just remember I am calling this list my favorites, not “the best”.  There are very few that I wanted to see that I didn’t get to see; the only ones I can think of off the top of my head are “The Artist”, “Carnage”, and “We Need to Talk About Kevin”.  As in the past, I have not included documentaries in the list, but I have put a non-ordered list of my favorite docs from 2011 at the end of this entry. OK, without further ado, my list:

10.  Mission Impossible:  Ghost Protocol

Just because a movie is a big budget crowd pleaser that isn’t, at it’s core, about deeply held human values or sad things, doesn’t mean it isn’t a hum-dinger of a film.  “MI4” is an expertly-crafted action-spy-drama that at times literally had me on the edge of my seat.  Although I knew Tom Cruise’s Ethan Hunt was not going to perish at any point, director Brad Bird somehow makes you believe he’s going to pull the trigger on him anyway.  And back for his second “mission”, Simon Pegg adds true humor and some believable heart that stops short of being hokey.

9.  Beginners

Hopefully someday our culture can get to a point where we can tell stories about gay folks without everyone having to make a big deal about the fact that it is about gay folks.  That sure was an unwieldy sentence.  Anyway, “Beginners” tells a new kind of story about gay folks: the story of a man in his twilight years, after his wife has died, finally able to “come out” in his final few months before his death; we get to see (in various flashbacks and flash-forwards) how this intense experience effects him and his son.  The father and son are played absolutely perfectly by Christopher Plummer and Ewan McGregor, respectively.  Would be on my short list for a Best Original Screenplay Oscar.

8.  Paranormal Activity 3

This choice will probably get me killed by some of you.  Listen, for all I know, these movies might be horrible.  All I know is, they scare the crap out of me.  I am a full-on believer in the “Blair Witch”-style realism, found-footage method.  Not that I find them all good (see: “The Last Exorcism”), but for the most part, they really scare the crap out of me, and when a horror movie can successfully scare the crap out of me, I am highly appreciative.  And “PA3” scared me even more than the first two.  The Paranormal Activity films continue to do well what most horror films—even found-footage horror films—don’t have the balls to do:  keep quiet and let the content of the film scare us.  That’s what “Blair Witch” did so well and that tradition is very much alive and well in this installment.

7.  The Beaver

  It’s a shame that the controversy surrounding Mel Gibson’s oversize problems all but buried this tiny little drama (directed by Jodie Foster, who also co-stars) about a man so overcome with depression that he resorts to communicating with the outside world through a hand puppet of a beaver.  What’s so amazing is that the premise is, of course, totally ridiculous, but the film pulls it off pitch-perfect, never too serious and never too ridiculous so that by the time the film ends, you are 100% on board.  This is thanks in no small part to keen direction from Foster, but also the best performance of Gibson’s career, which I do not think is faint praise (even in film’s like “Signs” Gibson is an underrated powerhouse).  Hopefully, someday the pallor surrounding Gibson’s off-screen persona will lift, and the world might discover this gem for the first time.

6.  Melancholia

Really, there is not enough space here for me to properly ruminate on director Lars von Trier’s most ambitious (and most commercially successful) film to date.  There is a ton going on, from infidelity, to calm depression, to a rogue planet colliding with the earth causing the end of all life as we know it.  Somewhere in there are metaphors both interesting and obvious, a tremendous use of Wagner’s opera “Tristan and Isolde”, Keifer Sutherland, and some of the most breathtaking cinematography of the year (courtesy of Manuel Alberto Claro, who hasn’t worked with von Trier before, which explains why this doesn’t look like a von Trier movie).  This one really has to be seen to be explained; I implore you to see it.

5.  Hugo

The true genius of Martin Scorsese’s “Hugo” is its ability to play on many intellectual and emotional levels at once without ever coming off as a hoity-toity movie for film snobs, even though one of its most potent undercurrents is an emotional homage to the history of film.  Mixed up in that homage to film are themes on the loss of the ones we love, the desire to live forever, and the infinite sadness of childhood; all these themes are viewed through the prism of the world of “Hugo” as well as through the prism of film itself.  Scorsese manages to make us care about the characters he’s crafted as well as the medium they inhabit with equal passion.  If you are looking for a wonder-filled cinematic thrill ride with an emotional punch, this is for you; if you want to shed a few tears and also try to piece together exactly why you’re crying, “Hugo” will work for that, too.  Oh, and if you missed seeing it in 3D, you missed out big time.

4.  Drive

Ryan Gosling is beyond badass in this highly-stylized, atmospheric mood piece, and Carey Mulligan provides an emotional center in what I consider her true breakthrough performance.  Here, just watch this:

3.  The Future

This all-but ignored sophomore indie drama from Miranda July (her of the extraordinary first-feature “Me and You and Everyone We Know” from 2005) blew me away so much that after I saw it, I sat in stunned silence in my darkened apartment for at least 15 minutes, then showered in the dark for another 15 minutes.  I was no longer thinking about the movie, but my own life.  It is a “drama” about “relationships”, and certainly no film that fits that category has ever been so well-aligned with my own thoughts on the subject (currently largely cynical) while also enlightening me.  Warning: it is told very unconventionally and some elements of it are intentionally annoying, but I have never seen a movie quite like it, and it is deserving of much more acclaim than it has received.

2.  Meek’s Cutoff

In this quiet, deceptively-rambling “Western” (one must call it a Western due to its subject matter, but it hardly fits the genre) very loosely based on real events, the viewer is often unsure exactly what events are transpiring, whose side we are on, or what, really, we’re watching.  Dialogue can be difficult to hear and characters meld together.  And ultimately, the mystifying, vague ending leaves many viewers feeling cheated and let down.  So of course, I found it to be one of the most amazing things I’d ever seen.  The film defiantly skirts film convention in non-flashy ways to tell a story that is mystifying and vague, that questions the way we see good and evil, and leaves us feeling as lost and hopeless as the characters must feel.  How is that for a film being successful:  making the viewers feel the same powerful, horrid emotions it’s characters feel, just as the credits roll and we are left to our own lives with the lights going up.

1.  The Tree of Life

“The Tree of Life” is more than a movie.  It is more than a great film.  It is the guttural, visceral, all-nerves-and-tears experience of love, life after death, and the birth of the cosmos;  “The Tree of Life” is the questions we ask of eternity, and it is even the answers that come back.  Perhaps you think this sounds corny, or that I am overstating the case?  Well, maybe I am, but I don’t think so.  Be warned that this movie is told unconventionally.  It does not (for the most part) have a linear plot.  It has many sections that are designed more to be felt than understood.  It means to convey through images and sound the experience of being alive, and being dead, and being alive after others have died before you have; it means to tie these small, individual human experiences in with the whole of the universe from the beginning of time; it asks what our human presence means to the universe, what it means to us.  And yes, very famously, there are dinosaurs.  And Brad Pitt.  Just watch it.  You might not like it, but it also might change your life.

Movies I also really liked that just missed the cut, in no particular order:  “Margin Call”, “Albert Nobbs”, “The Descendants”, “A Better Life”, “The Conspirator”, “Red State”, “The Muppets”, “Midnight in Paris”, “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close”, “Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas”, “The Ides of March”, “J. Edgar”, “Bellflower”, “Insidious”, “Certified Copy”, “Win Win”, “Your Highness”, “Skateland”, “Take Shelter”, “The Rum Diary”, “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy”

And my favorite documentaries of 2011:  “The Interrupters”, “Cave of Forgotten Dreams”, “If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front”, “We Were Here”,  “Page One: A Year Inside the New York Times”, “Honest Man: the Life of R. Budd Dwyer”, “Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop”.

All the women I’ve slept with, ranked in order of greatness.

467.  Stewbuilder Janice
466.  Holly the Yegg
465.  Jen Williams
464.  Jill Frill
463.  Lord Dora Still-Dancing
462.  Marion Fitzfancy
461.  Bazino Bazino
460.  Ram Hair-on-Fire
459.  Nit Louse
458.  Gretta Dinsmore Tackadoo
457.  Character Zero
456.  The Silver Jacket Woman
455.  No-Shoulders Jones
454.  Kelly Franklin
453.  Sister Brothery Nabob
452.  Fanny Bannister, the Tree Surgeon
451.  Tarnose Cohen
450.  Mrs. Wilson Fancypants
449.  Flo Dangler
448.  Shawna Stoopback
447.  Wicked Paula Fourteen-Toes
446.  Normal-Faced Olga
445.  Tammy
444.  Tearbaby Hannity
443.  The Damned Swede
442.  Carla Tin-hat
441.  Jammie Jane
440.  Ol’ Barb Stab-you-quick
439.  Mrs. Whist
438.  James Fenimore Cooper
437.  Scoliosis Sarah
436.  Sweet Momma Champagne
435.  Senator Julie Scoffpossum
434.  Monk, the Monkey Man (which is to say: “the Man”)
433.  Nicole the Bunter
432.  Balloonpopper Chillingsworth
431.  Heloise Dummychuck
430.  Finnish Lynn
429.  Roadhouse Ogilvy
428.  A prostitute
427.  Jokestealer Jana
426.  Rhonda Johnson
425.  Dr. Brenda Stainchin
424.  Gila Monster, Jr.
423.  Irontrousers the Strong
422.  Reynaldo Reynaldoson, the father-killer
421.  Henrietta Hsu
420.  Fran Ox-Hands
419.  Ponytail Winthrop
418.  A leather glove
417.  Lil’ Jess Songbird, the songbird eater
416.  Marcy Miller
415.  Meep Meep, the Italian Seamstress
414.  Maria Pumpkin
413.  Bix Shmix
412.  Stun Gun Simpson
411.  Caramel Macchiatto
410.  Female Fonzie
409.  Prostate Debbie
408.  Jemma Jamey
407.  Nora Niggletoggle
406.  Tina Tinasimie
405.  Flea Stick
404.  Niles Butterball, the Frozen Turkey
403.  Chelsea Four-Flush
402.  Stick-Legs McOhio
401.  The Unanswered Question of Ida
400.  Mindy the Human Resources Officer
399.  Guesstimate Jones
398.  Goofus Rendohar
397.  The Duchess Roundbelly DeDelight
396.  Newton Fig
395.  Sue
394.  Chicken Nugget Marge
393.  Bathsheba Ditz
392.  Alice Pockmark, Esquire
391.  Lolly Hoot Holler
390.  Von Skump
389.  Lacy Choke
388.  Chisolm Chesthair
387.  Freak le Freak, the Freakster
386.  Veronica Spangler
385.  The Bedazzler
384.  Rita Mouth-harp
383.  Anderson Cooper
382.  The Fishin’ Physician
381.  Mariah Nix
380. Chrysler LeBaron
379.  Persuasive Francine
378.  Molly Bewigged
377.  Celestial Stubbs
376.  Teary-Eyed Fingal
375.  Cthulhu Cathy
374.  Del Folksy-Beard
373.  Booper O’Montauk
372.  Lois “Charles” Ladyfinger
371.  Zaxxon Galaxian
370.  No-Banjo Brenda.  It’s actually a pretty interesting story about No-Banjo Brenda.  I met her while riding the rails, hobo-style, between Antwerp and Cincinnati.  She wore an afghan as a cape and was as bald as Yul Brenner, but she offered me a can of sardines with bacon sauce and I was immediately in love.  Even hobos hate sardines but we have to pretend; they are like a commodity in the hobo community, much like the Euro, or Spud Webb jerseys.  We rode together for many hours, No-Banjo Brenda and I—in fact, it may have even been days.  At some point, she started telling me about all the songs she had written.  There were no words.  They were instrumentals, written almost entirely for the banjo.  The only problem was, No-Banjo Brenda didn’t have a banjo.  In fact, she had never had a banjo.  In fact, she had never even seen a banjo.  I think she was lucky she’d even heard of a banjo (she may never have, at that, if it hadn’t been part of her name!).  She had composed her banjo tunes entirely in her mind, and had been waiting her whole hobo-drifting life just trying to find a banjo and let the world hear the amazing tunes that had been welling up inside her forever.  She told me about them, and tried humming them, but you know how that goes, humming music.  Everything sounds a little but like a Yngwie Malmsteen solo.  Oh, then we had sex, and she died right afterward.  Damn shame.
369.  Zane Scary
368.  Claire Richards
367.  Norma Miller
366.  Huckle Smothered
365.  MmmmmmmDandy Dundee
364.  Mountain-Humper Edith Ames
363.  Cheesequake Lennox
362.  Terry Gross.  Really.  She’s gross.
361.  Zipgun Gluck
360.  Spooky Night Spooky-Day
359.  Lorna Chickenstock
358.  Sherlock-Holmes-Hat Cindy
357.  Ambidextrous Stang
356.  Yum-Yum Sinclair Snowballeater
355.  Ponzi Scheme Jenny Ponzi
354.  Toodles Skunk
353.  Monkeybars Melinda Manx
352.  Robert the Child-Size
351.  Robert the Wee
350.  Robert Fits-in-a-Case
349.  Missy the Pagan
348.  Black Bolt, King of the Inhumans
347.  Strictly Local Henrietta Bobtail
346.  Fry-Pan Tina Fry
345.  Joan
344.  Knee-Brace Wilma
343.  Cleats Omnipocket
342.  Gyppo Moot
341.  Mastiff Mama
340.  The couch cushion
339.  Cecelia Graveside
338.  Ma Churchill
337.  Pa Churchill
336.  The Ritual Master
335.  Laura Delite
334.  Sausage Patty
333.  The Nine Doctor Whos
332.  Thermos H. Christ
331.  Woody Damn
330.  Extra-Skin Betty
329.  Marnie No-Ears
328.  Linty Sullivan, the lint collector
327.  Dora the Explorer
326.  Ms. Mary Marley, the tailless cat
325.  Free-Peanuts Doug
324.  Enola Coughblood
323.  Zelda Goatflirter
322.  Muriel Mookadooka
321.  The Unshakeable Will of Wade Terps
320.  Tittytwister Francine Horrid
319.  Mallory Many-Bruises
318.  Big-Tipper Silas Fake-Nickel
317.  A box of hair
316.  Kneepants Erasmus
315.  Antlered Maxine
314.  Scarlett Omaha Omaha
313.  Honeypalms Gordon Lips
312.  Scabpicker Sandyrump
311.  Whiskeyblood Judith Sot
310.  Xtina Doublemunch
309.  Accusing Tim
308.  Tennessee Dust Helmet
307.  Telekinetic Darla
306.  Sarah Gluesniff
305.  Bell’s Palsy Brennan
304.  Pamela Chickeneggs
303.  Elihu Skinpockets
302.  Flora Smazell
301.  Carrie Coreleoleo
300.  Don Tomasino di Shit-the-Bed
299.  Markansas
298.  Magnetized Meg
297.  Jemma Brainache
296.  The Black Squirrel Fairy
295.  Andrea Caboose.  I actually once wrote a poem for Andrea Caboose, that goes like this:

Oh Andrea, oh Andrea,
your name rhymes with Pangea,
well…almost,
and I just wanted to mention Pangea
because nothing makes you seem
more intelligent than mentioning Pangea
in a poem,
oh Andrea, oh Andrea,
everyone loves your caboose.

294.  Kid Silverhair, the Person of Indeterminate Age and Gender
293.  Nutrition-Shake Emery
292.  Rheumy Sven
291.  Queen Cotton
290.  Georgeann Gravelshirt
289.  City Hall
288.  Julie Jingle-Jinglehar
287.  Trixie of the East
286.  Trixie of the West
285.  Canadian Trixie
284.  Lowly Highly
283.  Neckfat Trestle
282.  Pansy Overpass
281.  Dilly Shinguards
280.  Not the Goose
279.  Unnervingly Candid Nikki Thain
278.  Business Class Carla
277.  Princess Oystershuck
276.  Prettydimes, the Lamb
275.  Kandee, that Cheerful Fuck
274.  Clareece Dirigible Marsh
273.  Ashen Ashley Buzzard
271.  Tiffany Wilson
270.  El Boot
269.  Three-Bean Otz
268.  Gretchen Amityville Horror
267.  Panzo Spiral-Cut Ham
266.  Amanda Until
265.  Sasha Creak-Knees
264.  Phyllis Marijuana
263.  Bee Beard
262.  Crispus T. Muzzelwitt
261.  Questionable-Judgement Theodore Stomachbrace
260.  Edwina Winnipeg
259.  The Car-Bomb Killer
258.  Lil’ Shorty Longhorn
257.  Katarina Witt.  Well…a picture of Katarina Witt.  It actually may or may not have been a picture of Brian Williams.
256.  Cheryl Simonsimon
255.  Eyepatch Reese Andiron
254.  Stain-Sucker
253.  Heloise False-Lips Real-Teeth
252.  U.S. Fool
251.  Chili-Mix Shar Benson
250.  Whitman Sampler
249.  The Scientist
248.  Helga Gutthrower
247.  Angie Augiemarfel
246.  Crispy Morton
245.  The Moor of Venice
244.  Lord Winston Two-Monocles
243.  Food-Eating Emma
242.  The Hat.  I actually once wrote an incredibly interesting based-on-fact short story about the incredibly interesting day I met the hat.  At the time, she called me “the suit”.  Here it is:

I leaned up against the wall waiting for the scholarship dinner to officially start, my eyes roving back and forth over all the others milling around, engaging in small talk.

Hearing a girl mention a familiar name, I cocked my head to the left to better overhear.

“You should have seen Dr. Noteck’s last exam.  It was crazy!  For one of the questions, we had to draw a pair of pants.  What do pants have to do with English literature?!”

I grimaced sympathetically at this.  Have had Dr. Noteck two semesters in a row, I was very familiar with his, shall I say, eccentric testing style.

I saw her making her way through the crowd of people.  She moved from one group to another, jumping into any conversation that caught her fancy.  From her manner, and that of those with whom she spoke, it was often difficult to tell whether she was acquainted with these people or not.  She seemed to engage with complete strangers as easily as good friends.  Like me, she didn’t seem to belong to any one group.

As she passed nearby (she almost never stopped moving completely), I felt compelled to say something.

“That’s a very…interesting hat you have there,” I said.

She halted and turned around, quickly evaluating me with her eyes.  A wide smile broke out on her face and she answered, “Why, thank you, Suit!  You don’t look bad yourself.”

And a very nice suit it was: black with a jade green tie, gold cuff-links and a tie pin.  My shoes were also black, you may say they were polished to a mirror shine, but no one had bothered to check for a reflection.  My hair was too long; I had kept meaning to shave it all off like I usually did but I’d let it go too long.

Her hat—by far the most conspicuous part of her outfit that night—was a brightly colored jester’s cap, complete with bells.  Out from under it poured a mass of golden-red hair that tumbled all around her bare shoulders.  She wore a camoflage dress not exactly skin-tight, but not far from it, either.

Hat held out her hand.  I—not expecting such a positive reaction—looked at her with a quizically raised eyebrow for a moment before we shook hands.

“Where exactly—”

“—did I get the Hat?”

Irritated at her interruption, I took a short, audible breath (something like a sigh in reverse) before I responded, “Yes.”

“That’s always the first question people ask me.  You would not believe how much attention this hat attracts.”

My expression here hopefully indicated that I could indeed believe how much attention the hat attracted.  Her rapid flow of words, however, continued without pause.

“Me, Michelle, Jen, and Ron went to Ocean City for a week two years ago.  I think the whole purpose of going somewhere like the beach with your friends if for them to drag you into doing things that you’d never do on your own.”

My imagination reeled momentarily trying to imagine just what exactly this girl would do on her own.

She continued, “I’m not sure it’s legal to have that much fun in one week.  We went bungee jumping and water skiing.  If you want a cure for any possible desire to commit suicide by leaping, bungee jumping is your therapy.”

I was about to make it clear that I’d never had any such desire (for leaping suicide or bungee jumping) but I never got the opportunity.

“What else happened that week?” she asked herself and paused briefly before continuing.

I was beginning to be truly amazed at how fast and how long she could speak without pausing for a breath.  I took this brief pause as an opportunity to try to steer her back on topic.

“Yes, but where…?”

“Oh yeah!”  Hat said, with a light-bulb tone.  “I got my ichthus tattoo!  I knew there was something else important that happened that week!  And we—”

Finally I interrupted her.  “Yes, this is all very fascinating, but where did you get the hat?”

“I’m getting to that,” she scolded me.  “As I was saying, while the others lay out on the beach roasting—I have yet to see the attraction in such activities, I can tan perfectly well while in motion—I usually explore some of the shops along the boardwalk.  Most of them are colorful, but boring.  Occasionally, though, some of them have the most incredible—” she looked down a moment and softly muttered “right word, right word”, before looking up suddenly, “outlandish merchandise.  The particular trip I had managed to resuscitete Jen into accompanying me.  I heard her groan oh no.  She saw this hat and knew I couldn’t resist it.  She was right.”

“Ah,” I said, glad to have finally extracted the information from her.

“This summer, we’re planning on going back for a month.  I love the beach.”

“I love everything about it except for sunburn,” I said.

“Until the sheer heat of it drives you into the cool, pulsing ocean.”

The conversation reached a pause her, and just as Hat was turning around to go find someone else to talk to, I asked, “So what’s your major, anyway?”

She looked over her shoulder and then turned to face me again.  “I was thinking of becoming a teacher, but I realized I don’t have the patience.  I finally decided on music.  I play the flute.  Well, I play several instruments.  I play the guitar, too, but I do that quite badly.”  After a brief pause to think, she added, “I play the flute well,” and nodded in satisfaction with this summary.  “My parents were so frustrated with me when I told them my choice.  I believe they said I was ‘wasting the wonderful opportunity of my scholarship’.  As if music were a waste!  How about you, what’s your major?”

Before I could answer, she hit me with another question.

“So, do you think it’s legal to have that much fun in one week?” she asked in a very serious tone.

I drew my breath to answer, then wrinkled my brow in perplexion at the question.

Before I could begin explaining my understanding of the laws on enjoyment quotas, someone on stage tapped the mic a couple times, and people started moving toward their seats.

“Looks like the dinner’s getting started,” I said.  “I guess we’d better get to our tables.  It was nice meeting you.”  I held out my hand to shake hers.

With a wild grin, hat bent down and kissed the back of my hand, spun around, and disappeared into the crowd.

241.  Janice Shortwave
240.  Singleminded Hubbard
239.  No-stick McGee
238.  Merle Buzzard
237.  Nick Nolte
236.  Baldy Lutz
235.  Pickled-Noggin Nettles
234.  Handformed Hamburger Helen
233.  Doris Pitchfork
232.  Two G-Forces
231.  Lucy Burned-Beyond-Recognition
230.  El Caballo, the Spanish Steed
229.  Microbrew Sharon
228.  Rhythmic Abbey
227.  Overload-the-Dishwasher Octavia
226.  Crumbjacket Rachel
225.  Ramona Riprippy
224.  Happy Horace Noosemaker
223.  Mademoiselle Dookie
222.  Wanda Waverly
221.  http://www.crazycats.com
220.  Wendi Frickinfrack
219.  Abelard “Sunken Treasure” Lowtrousers
218.  Bo Bo
217.  a slinky
216.  Somersalting Mark Spitz
215.  Really Redneck Fatnuts
214.  Yakira and her Quaker Oats Box Drum
213.  Pirandello, the Many-Bearded
212.  Caitlyn Bindlestick
211.  Salami Sunshine
210.  Whatever that lizard is that walks on water
209.  Bleedingtoe the Barefoot
208.  Nick Chintz
207.  Treesap-covered Candace
206.  Thor Hammerskold, the Mexican
205.  Bambi Harlequin-Horsefart
204.  One of my closest friends’ mom
203.  Beatrice-Who-Lacks-Fingerprints
202.  Smoke-Collecting Meg
201.  Gunderic Godigiselson
200.  Pontius Cornstalk
199.  Hot Gnome Jimmy Jackson
198.  Shadow (“Blinky”) Preston
197.  Buttery-Cheeks Kacey
196.  Four-Fisted Jock Socko
195.  Dr. Zizmor
194.  Kami Kawasaki
193.  Arizona Ludwig
192.  Silas Swollen
191.  Mountain Woman
190.  “Taxachusetts” Tera
189.  Matter-Hater Leona
188.  Grumple Graxon
187.  Low-Carb Aleks Stovepipe
186.  Salt and Pepper Chest
185.  Huge Crybaby McWeepy
184.  Elffriend Weingarten
183.  Forktongue Fork
182.  Hairlip Libby
181.  Solid First Draft Patton Taylor
180.  Paige Pennyloafers.  I actually drew a picture of Paige Pennyloafers once.  This is it:

179.  Modem Guntherson
178.  Half-Albino Aaliyah
177.  The Treasurer
176.  Captain Slick-Talk
175.  Roundhouse Farter
174.  Fake Cockney Accent Adele Strippe
173.  Red Ball Pnutz
172.  Zahara Zimbalist
171.  Air and Whiskey Doris McGlue
170.  Yasmin RC Airplane
169.  Narcotic Morgan Suds
168.  Narcotic Nelson Suds
167.  Sir Frances Drank
166.  Mahayana
165.  Czech Czarlie Czill
164.  Ssssssssssssssssssssss, the hisser
163.  Thanatos Kelp
162.  Spiderwoman
161.  Gluttonous Slim
160.  Ragweed Wanda
159.  Moray Eel Wilhemina Elmer
158.  Plastic-Moutache Jennifer Tall
157.  Val Gel Insole
156.  Crispy Whiskers
155.  Astonishing Vanna Eyelash
154.  Prabhnoor Jones
153.  Owlie
152.  Johnny Johnny
151.  Anwar the Bionic
150.  Fibery Dana
149.  Cranberry Oppenheimer
148.  Holy Hannah Hottentot-Smythe
147.  Fleabottle Boone
146.  Stupefying P., the Riddle-Maker
145.  The Juror
144.  Yancy something-or-other
143.  Mariah Duckface
142.  Waspwaist Fritz
141.   Sally Hoot-Hoot
140.  Saves-Reciepts Dave
139.  Mrs. Pendleton
138.  Chelsea Bacon
137.  Annie Axe
136.  A Shapeshifting Demon
135.  Sir Walter British
134.  Amanda CeeCee Strobelight
133.  Ida Alva Edison
132.  Leather Apron
131.  Saint Sorryass
130.  Overly Familiar Fung
129.  Chalmers, the Bridge Champ
128.  Clingy
127.  Elephantine Samsonite
126.  Neekerbeeker Perry Tomaz
125.  Teatime BB Stiles
124.  Hubbel “I Predicted the Lindy Hop” Deerblind
123.  Hubie Hewitt, the Broadway Legend
122.  Poo-Knickers Iesha
121.  Amesy Squirrelstomper, the Chipmunk-Preferrer
120.  Baked Salmon Salad Finn
119.  Gabriella Donaldson
118.  Smokestack-Hugger Jools Nygaard
117.  Huge-Calves Edna
116.  Elaine Crackknuckle
115.  William Carlos Williams
114.  Snoops Lightstep Trenchcoat
113.  Ironbelly Norton
112.  Stool Sample Ellen
111.  Monkey’s Paw Patterson
110.  Slim Jim
109.  Mermaid Betty Scales
108.  Myron Biscuitspear, the Dumpster Archaelogist
107.  Old Pliny Dance-for-Ham
106.  Fay Charles
105.  Catscratch Tremont Nude
104.  Warbling Timmy Tin-Voice and his Voice-Box
103.  Rubber Chess
102.  Top Hat Swindlefingers
101.  Jane Crouton
100.  Nbdego Tch!ck
99.   Wormy Glenn and the Nootka Flatworm
98.   Hidalgo, the Artiste
97.   The Fucky from Kentucky
96.   The Man in the Foil Mask
95.   Cambridge Massachusetts Clara
94.   Cyrus the Persian Sturgeon
93.   Little Felicia Spittle
92.   Scrunchie
91.   Jaclyn “the lifestyle” Dammers
90.  Chicken Butt, Five Cents a Cut
89.   Wise Jackayla Babysplitter
88.   Uranus Nancy, the Star-Traveller
86.   Natalie Holowell
85.   The Unformed Twin of Tennessee Dust Helmet
84.   Turkeyballs Paco
83.   Eileen the Indianapolist
82.   Acid-Saliva Curley Stokes
81.   Candy Brennan.  Candy and I spent a lovely holiday together in the Swiss Alps a few years back.  She was a contestant in the World Paper Airplane Loop-the-Loop tournament that was taking place there, and I was doing research for my book, “Why I Hate Tidal Pools and What I Intend to Do About It”, and in between those intense activities, we met in our hotel room for what could only be described as marathon sessions of me pitifully failing to please her and then her crying in the shower.  But somewhere in there, we fell in love.  The problem, however, arose when my hetero life-mate, Ron Gutshall (please read all about our exploits here) showed up while Candy was out flying her paper airplane and I was researching my hatred of tidal pools, and as part of some strange experiment he had been working on for weeks beforehand, he filled our hotel room with rabid Spider Monkeys, mouse traps, and 16oz red Solo cups half filled with bleach.  Needless to say, when Candy returned and I blindly defended Ron (as one is forced to do for one’s hetero lifemate), Candy attempted to storm off in a bout of anger, but Ron silently suffocated her with the palm of his gargantuan right hand while checking his stock updates on his Blackberry with his left hand.  We buried her in the hotel shower and then Ron and I got some Benihana.
80.  Utility-Belt Deana
79.  Smokehouse Frankie Jowl-Poker
78.  Windowkisser Suzanna
77.  Twistback John, the Cracked Disc Sufferer
76.  Horus, the Bird-Headed Fool
75.  Foriegn Tammy, the Strangetalker
74.  Bianca Bettlegrebber
73.  Tabatha Tresselwreck
72.  JR Paperstockings
71.  “X”, the anonymous man or woman
70.  Ghostly Nose Sylvie
69.  Beef-or-Chicken Bob Nubbins
68.  Canadian Football Tasha
67.  Beanface
66.  Sir Mix-a-Lot
65.  The Gimp
64.  Whistling Anus Meacham
63.  Juicepockets Moone
62.  Moosecloak
61.  Sabrina Smith
60.  Ventriloquism Sadie and “Madame”, her talking bean can
59.  Fake Noam Chomsky
58.  Klonopin Claudia
57.  Marian May Wyomingsong
56.  Samantha Warbledarble
55.  Mad or Sad Judd (no one can tell)
54.  Aesop Bedroll
53.  Rocky Shitstain Mankiewicz
52.  Shakira Tiny-Bites
51.  Mayonaisse
50.  Betty the Exorcist
49.  Atlas Flatshoulders
48.  Gin-bucket Greg
47.  Philatelist Joey Licks
46.  Stinging Polly Papercuts
45.  Shanequa Sha-na-na
44.  Billy Butterfly Net
43.  Nicknameless Norris Shine
42.  Sugarhouse Morris the Sapper
41.  Zaphod Beeblebrox
40.  The Honorable Janis Weedfarmer
39.  Nightblind and Snowblind, the Blind twins
38.  Marley Mingle
37.  Shagrat, Orc of the Ozarks
36.  Eustace Feetbeer
35.  Benny Twenty-birds
34.  Amnesiac Jared Stringy
33.  Antigone Spit
32.  PomPom the Texas Dancing Dog
31.  Yuri Trimble, the Alien Pod Person
30.  Sarah Lardblood
29.  Beery Clyde the Eunuch
28.  Milosz the Anarchist Pupeteer
27.  Donna Pina Colada
26.  Ursala Bobenfob
25.  Jonas Tugboy, Professional Masturbator
24.  Cinderfella Dana Dane
23.  Kerosene-Soaked Vivian
22.  Black Bottle Priam
21.  Socks
20.  Pinprick Butell
19.  Tailstump Gunther
18.  Nooney Rockjelly
17.  Ambassador Roasting Pan
16.  Chuck McKindred: No So Holy, but Very Moley
15.  Paula Chiclets
14.  Q the Quantum Woman
13.  Not-So-Raven
12.  Jane the Beekeeper
11.  Unpronounceable
10.  The Beloved Rebecca Thankyounote
9.    Thad Thadly
8.    Chiselchin Cathleen Man
7.    Candle-Eyed Sally
6.    Daphne Zuniga
5.    Fran Frijole
4.    Hazel Marlborough
3.    Not-Racist Whitey
2.    Trombone Snout
1.    Janet Howard.  She was really good.

I don’t plan on updating my favorite directors list every single time something on it changes, but seeing as how I just posted the list, I thought I would share that my list of top 3 films directed by Robert Redford has just changed, after seeing “The Conspirator” yesterday.  I might like it a bit more than your average Joe, for it being about a subject I already have much interest in.  Anywho, my Redford list now looks like this:

3.  Ordinary People
2.  The Conspirator
1.  A River Runs Through It

Also, before the movie played, there was a trailer for the new Terrance Malick film.  If you’re not a silly movie dork like myself and you don’t know Terrance Malick, well, listen, new Malick films are big deals.  They come about once every ten years and they’re pretty much instant classics.  And not in the way “Titanic” is a classic, but more in the way that Kurosawa or Fellini’s films are classics.  The guy is a serious artist.  And I am a big fan.  And Brad Pitt and Sean Penn are in his new movie.  So needless to say, I was fucking rapt while watching this trailer.  And it was an amazing trailer.  It was one of those rare trailers that made me feel legitimately moved.  As I type this, the only one I can think of in recent memory was this trailer for “Revolutionary Road”.  So, while I know that watching the trailer here on my blog won’t have the same effect as it did for me in the theater, I implore you to watch this trailer for the upcoming Terrance Malick film “Tree of Life”…I find the visuals, sounds, and scant dialogue to be enormously evocative, despite very little (almost zero) plot being revealed:

My 50 Favorite Directors, in order

Taking a page from my buddy Kyle‘s blog, I have decided to rank my favorite film directors (see Kyle’s list here.)  However, while Kyle blessedly knows the virtue of restraint, I know only overkill.  So I have ranked my top 50 directors, in order.  After #25, I also rank my top 3 favorite of each of their films, and for the top 10 directors, I rank my five favorite of their films.

Notes on the rankings

To rank the directors, I considered the whole of their filmography that I have seen.  I did not consider the reputations of films I have not seen.  It is also important to note that all rankings—both the director rankings and the films within those rankings–are rankings of my favorites; these are not “best” rankings.  In essence, this is a subjective, not objective, excercise.  Additionally, for directors who also write many or all of their films, I weighted their screenwriting skills the least in my decision-making process, as screenwriting and directing are two different arts, but it is impossible to fully seperate a writer-director’s scripts from their finished products.  I also did not rank any directors who may have made one of my favorite films, but have only made one film.  Directors had to have two or more directing credits to make the list (sorry, Zach Braff). Directors who make fictional films as well as documentaries: I did not consider their documentaries; documentarians would be a seperate list.  The truth is, the ranking is mainly in answer to the very unscientific question, “Who do I get most excited by hearing they have a new film coming out?” (and if they’re dead…how excited would I be to hear that a long-lost film of theirs had been unearthed?)  Also, following Kyle’s lead, I did not rank Steven Speilberg.  He is a fantastic director, but his body of work is so varied and vast that it is impossible to figure out where he lands on this list.  And now, the list:

50.  Michael Haneke
49.  Guilermo del Toro
48.  Tom Tykwer
47.  Bob Rafelson
46.  Philip Kaufman
45.  Tobe Hooper
44.  John Hillcoat
43.  Joe Swanberg
42.  Spike Jonze
41.  Cameron Crowe
40.  Alexander Payne
39.  Michael Mann
38.  Milos Foreman
37.  Ridley Scott
36.  Richard Linklater
35.  John Huston
34.  M. Night Shyamalan
33.  Frank Darabont
32.  Todd Haynes
31.  Terry Gilliam
30.  Sofia Coppola
29.  Rob Reiner
28.  Orson Welles
27.  Elia Kazan
26.  Todd Field

25.  Joel and Ethan Coen
          3.  The Big Lebowski
          2.  Barton Fink
          1.  No Country For Old Men

24.  Sam Peckinpah
          3.  Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia
          2.  The Wild Bunch
          1.  Straw Dogs

23.  Ang Lee
          3.  Lust, Caution
          2.  Brokeback Mountain
          1.  The Ice Storm

22.  Billy Wilder
          3.  The Seven Year Itch
          2.  Sabrina
          1.  Sunset Blvd.

21.  Woody Allen
          3.  What’s Up, Tiger Lilly?
          2.  Annie Hall
          1.  Husbands and Wives

20.  Robert Altman
          3.  A Praire Home Companion
          2.  Brewster McCloud
          1.  The Long Goodbye

19.  Robert Redford
          3.  The Milagro Beanfield War
          2.  Ordinary People
          1.  A River Runs Through It

18.  Sam Mendes
          3.  Away We Go
          2.  Revolutionary Road
          1.  American Beauty

17.  Quentin Tarantino
          3.  Death Proof
          2.  Reservoir Dogs
          1.  Pulp Fiction

16.  Kevin Smith
          3.  Mallrats
          2.  Chasing Amy
          1.  Clerks 2

15.  Roman Polanski
          3.  Chinatown
          2.  Knife in the Water
          1.  Repulsion

14.  David O. Russell
          3.  Three Kings
          2.  The Fighter
          1.  I Heart Huckabees

13.  Terrence Malick
          3.  The New World
          2.  Days of Heaven
          1.  Badlands

12.  Noah Baumbach
          3.  Kicking and Screaming
          2.  Greenberg
          1.  The Squid and the Whale

11.  Lars von Trier
          3.  Antichrist
          2.  Breaking the Waves
          1.  Dogville

10.  Todd Solondz
          5.  Life During Wartime
          4.  Palindromes
          3.  Storytelling
          2.  Welcome to the Dollhouse
           1.  Happiness

9.  Sidney Lumet
          5.  Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead
          4.  Dog Day Afternoon
          3.  Network
          2.  Equus
          1.  12 Angry Men

8.  David Fincher
          5.  The Game
          4.  Zodiac
          3.  The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
          2.  Seven
          1.  Fight Club

7.  Christopher Nolan
          5.  Insomnia
          4.  The Prestige
          3.  The Dark Knight
          2.  Memento
          1.  Inception

6.  Darren Aronofsky
          5.  Pi
          4.  Requiem for a Dream
          3.  The Wrestler
          2.  Black Swan
          1.  The Fountain

5.  Danny Boyle
          5.  Trainspotting
          4.  Slumdog Millionaire
          3.  127 Hours
          2.  28 Days Later…
          1.  Millions

4.  Stanley Kubrick
          5.  Barry Lyndon
          4.  The Shining
          3.  A Clockwork Orange
          2.  Eyes Wide Shut
          1.  2001: A Space Odyssey

3.  Alfred Hitchcock
          5.  The 39 Steps
          4.  Psycho
          3.  The Lady Vanishes
          2.  I Confess
          1.  Rope

2.  Werner Herzog
          5.  Cobra Verde
          4.  Stroszek
          3.  The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser
          2.  Aguirre: The Wrath of God
           1.  Fitzcarraldo

1.  Paul Thomas Anderson
          5.  Boogie Nights
          4.  Hard Eight
          3.  Punch-Drunk Love
          2.  There Will Be Blood
          1.  Magnolia

Believe it or not!

1.  I almost forgot to mention, about my recent trip home:  I had more fun riding around aimlessly in a car with my momma for two hours than I would have had on a round-the-world cruise.  Pure bliss. 

2.  I stopped for dinner at this small town of Zelienople for dinner yesterday.  I Facebook’d and Tweeted it just because I thought it was a cool town name and a rather adorable tiny, town-that-time-forgot kinda place.  And of course 6 of my FB friends replied that they knew the town, and it led me eventually to IMDB and finding out that it was one of the filming locations of the original “Night of the Living Dead” (and a few other movies)…kinda crazy!  Now I’ll have to go back sometime on purpose to sightsee the filming locations!

3.  I love this line from a song by The Band:  “Life is a carnival, believe it or not.”  Ha!  That shit is funny.

4.  I am very annoyed that my buddy Kyle mentioned Tim Allen’s ubiquitous voice-over presence in a blog entry before I could.  I’ve been bitching about it IRL for months!

5.  Just about every day lately, I am reminded of this great line from one of Kurt Vonnegut’s most famous short stoires, “Harrison Bergeron”, which is set in the year 2081:  “April, for instance, still drove people crazy by not quite being spring-time.”  Good to know this was a problem in the fifties, when the story was written, and will continue to plague folks well into the 2080s.

In an effort to make the “You Would Not Survive a Vacation Like This” blog post a little shorter, I did not include the photos that I took in the countryside around my dad’s house in Newville.  So now here some of them are:

 

 

 

A Few More Things I Just Don’t Understand

—Iced Tea

—The NCAA Tournament

—Bluetooth technology

—Extreme Home Makeover

—Hot Sauce

—Henna Tattoos

—Those car headlights with the blue-ish tint

—People celebrating half birthdays

—Gary Snyder

—Gel shaving creams

My Oscar Picks, the official list

As in years past, I shall now present a full list of my Oscar predictions, so as to have the list in one place in the public sphere, on the off-chance I hit it 100%, I can point to it and do a winner’s dance.

I have bolded who I think is going to win.  The people I want to win have an asterisk after them.  I have predicted one major upset (in the animated film category). I don’t make predictions in either of the shorts categories, as I know nothing about them at all.

Best Picture
“Black Swan,” Mike Medavoy, Brian Oliver and Scott Franklin, Producers
“The Fighter” David Hoberman, Todd Lieberman and Mark Wahlberg, Producers
“Inception,” Emma Thomas and Christopher Nolan, Producers
“The Kids Are All Right,” Gary Gilbert, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte and Celine Rattray, Producers
“The King’s Speech,” Iain Canning, Emile Sherman and Gareth Unwin, Producers
“127 Hours,” Christian Colson, Danny Boyle and John Smithson, Producers
“The Social Network,” Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca and Ceàn Chaffin, Producers
“Toy Story 3″ Darla K. Anderson, Producer
“True Grit” Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
“Winter’s Bone” Anne Rosellini and Alix Madigan-Yorkin, Producers*

Actor in a Leading Role
Javier Bardem in “Biutiful”
Jeff Bridges in “True Grit”
Jesse Eisenberg in “The Social Network”
Colin Firth in “The King’s Speech”
James Franco in “127 Hours”*

Actor in a Supporting Role
Christian Bale in “The Fighter”
John Hawkes in “Winter’s Bone”*
Jeremy Renner in “The Town”
Mark Ruffalo in “The Kids Are All Right”
Geoffrey Rush in “The King’s Speech”

Actress in a Leading Role
Annette Bening in “The Kids Are All Right”
Nicole Kidman in “Rabbit Hole”
Jennifer Lawrence in “Winter’s Bone”*
Natalie Portman in “Black Swan”
Michelle Williams in “Blue Valentine”

Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams in “The Fighter”
Helena Bonham Carter in “The King’s Speech”
Melissa Leo in “The Fighter”*
Hailee Steinfeld in “True Grit”
Jacki Weaver in “Animal Kingdom”

Animated Feature Film
“How to Train Your Dragon” Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois
“The Illusionist” Sylvain Chomet*
“Toy Story 3″ Lee Unkrich

Art Direction
“Alice in Wonderland”
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1″
“Inception”*
“The King’s Speech”
“True Grit”

Cinematography
“Black Swan,” Matthew Libatique
“Inception,” Wally Pfister*
“The King’s Speech,” Danny Cohen
“The Social Network,” Jeff Cronenweth
“True Grit,” Roger Deakins

Costume Design
“Alice in Wonderland,” Colleen Atwood
“I Am Love,” Antonella Cannarozzi
“The King’s Speech,” Jenny Beavan
“The Tempest,” Sandy Powell
“True Grit” Mary Zophres*

Directing
“Black Swan,” Darren Aronofsky*
“The Fighter,” David O. Russell
“The King’s Speech,” Tom Hooper
“The Social Network,” David Fincher
“True Grit,” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen

Documentary (Feature)
“Exit through the Gift Shop,” Banksy and Jaimie D’Cruz*
“Gasland,” Josh Fox and Trish Adlesic
“Inside Job,” Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
“Restrepo,” Tim Hetherington and Sebastian Junger
“Waste Land,” Lucy Walker and Angus Aynsley

Film Editing
“Black Swan”
“The Fighter”
“The King’s Speech”
“127 Hours”*
“The Social Network”

Foreign Language Film
“Biutiful,” Mexico
“Dogtooth,” Greece
“In a Better World,” Denmark
“Incendies,” Canada
“Outside the Law (Hors-la-loi),” Algeria

Makeup
“Barney’s Version,” Adrien Morot*
“The Way Back,” Edouard F. Henriques, Gregory Funk and Yolanda Toussieng
“The Wolfman,” Rick Baker and Dave Elsey

Music (Original Score)
“How to Train Your Dragon,” John Powell
“Inception,” Hans Zimmer*
“The King’s Speech,” Alexandre Desplat
“127 Hours,” A.R. Rahman
“The Social Network,” Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

Music (Original Song)
“Coming Home” from “Country Strong,” Music and Lyric by Tom Douglas, Troy Verges and Hillary Lindsey
“I See the Light” from “Tangled,” Music by Alan Menken Lyric by Glenn Slater
“If I Rise” from “127 Hours,” Music by A.R. Rahman Lyric by Dido and Rollo Armstrong*
“We Belong Together” from “Toy Story 3,” Music and Lyric by Randy Newman

Sound Editing
“Inception,” Richard King*
“Toy Story 3,” Tom Myers and Michael Silvers
“Tron: Legacy,” Gwendolyn Yates Whittle and Addison Teague
“True Grit,” Skip Lievsay and Craig Berkey
“Unstoppable,” Mark P. Stoeckinger

Sound Mixing
“Inception,” Lora Hirschberg, Gary A. Rizzo and Ed Novick*
“The King’s Speech,” Paul Hamblin, Martin Jensen and John Midgley
“Salt,” Jeffrey J. Haboush, Greg P. Russell, Scott Millan and William Sarokin
“The Social Network,” Ren Klyce, David Parker, Michael Semanick and Mark Weingarten
“True Grit,” Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff and Peter F. Kurland

Visual Effects
“Alice in Wonderland,” Ken Ralston, David Schaub, Carey Villegas and Sean Phillips
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1,” Tim Burke, John Richardson, Christian Manz and Nicolas Aithadi
“Hereafter,” Michael Owens, Bryan Grill, Stephan Trojanski and Joe Farrell
“Inception,” Paul Franklin, Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley and Peter Bebb*
“Iron Man 2,” Janek Sirrs, Ben Snow, Ged Wright and Daniel Sudick

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
“127 Hours,” Screenplay by Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy
“The Social Network,” Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin
“Toy Story 3,” Screenplay by Michael Arndt; Story by John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich
“True Grit,” Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
“Winter’s Bone,” Adapted for the screen by Debra Granik & Anne Rosellini*

Writing (Original Screenplay)
“Another Year,” Written by Mike Leigh
“The Fighter,” Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson; Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson
“Inception,” Written by Christopher Nolan*
“The Kids Are All Right,” Written by Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg
“The King’s Speech,” Screenplay by David Seidler

Sellouts

–Denis Leary
–The Who
–Johnny Depp
— Jeff Koons
–Harry Knowles
–The Clash
–Greta Gerwig
–Todd McFarlane
–Margret Cho

Bathing with Army Men

 

1.  I just don’t understand baths.  I mean, you can scrub-a-dub yourself until you’re red all over, but at the end of the day, you’re still sitting in the dirty water.  You may smell and look clean afterward, but I suspect that’s an illusion.  Now, I sometimes take a bath for relaxation purposes (I have a TV and DVD player in my bathroom, too), but before I get out, I turn on the shower and actually clean myself.  Thoughts?

2.  It’s been a somewhat annoying year to start paying attention to sports again.  Pennsylvania teams made it to the World Series, the Stanley Cup Championship, and the Super Bowl—and lost all three.  Granted, I’m sure just about any area of the country would like to have those problems, but it has also been rather annoying.

3.  I’m addicted to this.   You should be too.  HILARIOUS:

4.  I was strolling the local Wegmans late at night a few nights ago (Wegmans is an upscale supermarket) when I came across gummy army guys.  Maybe I’m late to the party on this, but this is the best form of TOYS that BECOME candy ever!!!  I must admit, I ate a pound in 24 hours. (that’s really not as disgusting as it sounds)  I can’t quite place the flavor, but I suspect it is apple.  Anyone else have experience with this?

5.  I very recently came across my first exciting vinyl “find” in quite some time.  Perusing the local independent record store, which usually does not have any “indie rock” among it’s paltry selection of new vinyls, I found The National’s new album, High Violet, which I love LOVE LOVE, and I picked it up for less than the used copies are selling for on eBay.  And it is a very handsome product.  Check it:

Front cover...a work of art unto itself.

Folded open: a picture of two of the band members, NEITHER of whom is the lead singer. I count that as badass.

Open with both sleeves pulled out...even more badass.

The Oscar Nominations…

…were just announced a few hours ago.  Here they are.  I’ll have some comentary on them at some point but have no time at the moment…

Best Picture
“Black Swan,” Mike Medavoy, Brian Oliver and Scott Franklin, Producers
“The Fighter” David Hoberman, Todd Lieberman and Mark Wahlberg, Producers
“Inception,” Emma Thomas and Christopher Nolan, Producers
“The Kids Are All Right,” Gary Gilbert, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte and Celine Rattray, Producers
“The King’s Speech,” Iain Canning, Emile Sherman and Gareth Unwin, Producers
“127 Hours,” Christian Colson, Danny Boyle and John Smithson, Producers
“The Social Network,” Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca and Ceàn Chaffin, Producers
“Toy Story 3” Darla K. Anderson, Producer
“True Grit” Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
“Winter’s Bone” Anne Rosellini and Alix Madigan-Yorkin, Producers

Actor in a Leading Role
Javier Bardem in “Biutiful”
Jeff Bridges in “True Grit”
Jesse Eisenberg in “The Social Network”
Colin Firth in “The King’s Speech”
James Franco in “127 Hours”

Actor in a Supporting Role
Christian Bale in “The Fighter”
John Hawkes in “Winter’s Bone”
Jeremy Renner in “The Town”
Mark Ruffalo in “The Kids Are All Right”
Geoffrey Rush in “The King’s Speech”

Actress in a Leading Role
Annette Bening in “The Kids Are All Right”
Nicole Kidman in “Rabbit Hole”
Jennifer Lawrence in “Winter’s Bone”
Natalie Portman in “Black Swan”
Michelle Williams in “Blue Valentine”

Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams in “The Fighter”
Helena Bonham Carter in “The King’s Speech”
Melissa Leo in “The Fighter”
Hailee Steinfeld in “True Grit”
Jacki Weaver in “Animal Kingdom”

Animated Feature Film
“How to Train Your Dragon” Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois
“The Illusionist” Sylvain Chomet
“Toy Story 3” Lee Unkrich

Art Direction
“Alice in Wonderland”
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1”
“Inception”
“The King’s Speech”
“True Grit”

Cinematography
“Black Swan,” Matthew Libatique
“Inception,” Wally Pfister
“The King’s Speech,” Danny Cohen
“The Social Network,” Jeff Cronenweth
“True Grit,” Roger Deakins

Costume Design
“Alice in Wonderland,” Colleen Atwood
“I Am Love,” Antonella Cannarozzi
“The King’s Speech,” Jenny Beavan
“The Tempest,” Sandy Powell
“True Grit” Mary Zophres

Directing
“Black Swan,” Darren Aronofsky
“The Fighter,” David O. Russell
“The King’s Speech,” Tom Hooper
“The Social Network,” David Fincher
“True Grit,” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen

Documentary (Feature)
“Exit through the Gift Shop,” Banksy and Jaimie D’Cruz
“Gasland,” Josh Fox and Trish Adlesic
“Inside Job,” Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
“Restrepo,” Tim Hetherington and Sebastian Junger
“Waste Land,” Lucy Walker and Angus Aynsley

Documentary (Short Subject)
“Killing in the Name”
“Poster Girl”
“Strangers No More”
“Sun Come Up”
“The Warriors of Qiugang”

Film Editing
“Black Swan”
“The Fighter”
“The King’s Speech”
“127 Hours”
“The Social Network”

Foreign Language Film
“Biutiful,” Mexico
“Dogtooth,” Greece
“In a Better World,” Denmark
“Incendies,” Canada
“Outside the Law (Hors-la-loi),” Algeria

Makeup
“Barney’s Version,” Adrien Morot
“The Way Back,” Edouard F. Henriques, Gregory Funk and Yolanda Toussieng
“The Wolfman,” Rick Baker and Dave Elsey

Music (Original Score)
“How to Train Your Dragon,” John Powell
“Inception,” Hans Zimmer
“The King’s Speech,” Alexandre Desplat
“127 Hours,” A.R. Rahman
“The Social Network,” Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

Music (Original Song)
“Coming Home” from “Country Strong,” Music and Lyric by Tom Douglas, Troy Verges and Hillary Lindsey
“I See the Light” from “Tangled,” Music by Alan Menken Lyric by Glenn Slater
“If I Rise” from “127 Hours,” Music by A.R. Rahman Lyric by Dido and Rollo Armstrong
“We Belong Together” from “Toy Story 3,” Music and Lyric by Randy Newman

Short Film (Animated)
“Day & Night,” Teddy Newton
“The Gruffalo,” Jakob Schuh and Max Lang
“Let’s Pollute,” Geefwee Boedoe
“The Lost Thing,” Shaun Tan and Andrew Ruhemann
“Madagascar, carnet de voyage (Madagascar, a Journey Diary)” Bastien Dubois

Short Film (Live Action)
“The Confession,” Tanel Toom
“The Crush,” Michael Creagh
“God of Love,” Luke Matheny
“Na Wewe,” Ivan Goldschmidt
“Wish 143,” Ian Barnes and Samantha Waite

Sound Editing
“Inception,” Richard King
“Toy Story 3,” Tom Myers and Michael Silvers
“Tron: Legacy,” Gwendolyn Yates Whittle and Addison Teague
“True Grit,” Skip Lievsay and Craig Berkey
“Unstoppable,” Mark P. Stoeckinger

Sound Mixing
“Inception,” Lora Hirschberg, Gary A. Rizzo and Ed Novick
“The King’s Speech,” Paul Hamblin, Martin Jensen and John Midgley
“Salt,” Jeffrey J. Haboush, Greg P. Russell, Scott Millan and William Sarokin
“The Social Network,” Ren Klyce, David Parker, Michael Semanick and Mark Weingarten
“True Grit,” Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff and Peter F. Kurland

Visual Effects
“Alice in Wonderland,” Ken Ralston, David Schaub, Carey Villegas and Sean Phillips
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1,” Tim Burke, John Richardson, Christian Manz and Nicolas Aithadi
“Hereafter,” Michael Owens, Bryan Grill, Stephan Trojanski and Joe Farrell
“Inception,” Paul Franklin, Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley and Peter Bebb
“Iron Man 2,” Janek Sirrs, Ben Snow, Ged Wright and Daniel Sudick

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
“127 Hours,” Screenplay by Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy
“The Social Network,” Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin
“Toy Story 3,” Screenplay by Michael Arndt; Story by John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich
“True Grit,” Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
“Winter’s Bone,” Adapted for the screen by Debra Granik & Anne Rosellini

Writing (Original Screenplay)
“Another Year,” Written by Mike Leigh
“The Fighter,” Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson; Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson
“Inception,” Written by Christopher Nolan
“The Kids Are All Right,” Written by Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg
“The King’s Speech,” Screenplay by David Seidler

Seth’s Favorite Movies of 2010

 

I swear, I am not trying to just be “different” with my list this year, although it does look a bit different from most of the year-end lists I’ve seen so far.  It just felt like a year of great movies being overlooked (or, in my opinion, completely mis-read by the critics).  It was a great year for movies, with both a plethora of hidden gems and a healthy dose of well-publicized quality films.  And don’t get me wrong: a lot of the much-talked-about Awards-bait movies really are great, and they made the list, too.  Also make sure to see the “honorable mentions” section after the list for movies that just barely missed the cut.

This year I’ve been able to see just about every movie with major awards buzz (or major indie cred) so I feel as though this is the best year-end movie list I’ve done.  The only movies I wish I could have seen before making the list are: “Blue Valentine”, “Rabbit Hole”, “Another Year”, “I Love You Philip Morris” and I haven’t seen “Toy Story 3”, but I have never cared about the Toy Story movies.

So, here’s the list:

10.  Ondine

Neil Jordan’s mermaid-out-of-water film is absolutely the saddest, most serious mermaid film ever made.  It’s a fantastic show of cinematography meets soundtrack, and is a career best performance for Colin Farrell.  It’s also a pretty good movie about alcoholism!

(“Ondine” is currently available to watch instantly on Netflix)

 

 

9.  Exit Through the Gift Shop

 

 

 

 

This was definitely the year of the “meta-doc”; documentaries wherin you could not tell exactly what was real, how much was fictional, who exactly was making the documentary, and what they were “trying to say”.  “Exit Through the Gift Shop” seperates itself from the pack by being a movie claiming to be made by Banksy (the world’s most famous graffiti artist and also probably the world’s most elusive human being, to the point that one could have a lengthy discussion about whether he actually exists.  But–he does, ok?)  But aside from the intriguing Banksy element, the entire film (without for a moment actually seeming like it) is a long meditation on the nature of art unlike anything on film since Orson Welles’ “F for Fake”.  In the end, the film manages to ask if itself, as a film, is even worth your time; in essence, is the question even worth asking? (and what does it mean if a painting is worth more than a house?)

8.  Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

 

 

 

 

 

This was a cult classic the moment it was released.  In turns hilarious, action-packed, and heartfelt,  it’s also chock-a-block full of insider cultural references and populist brain candy.  Plus, the best Brandon Routh cameo since “Zack and Miri Make a Porno”

 

7.  Let Me In

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had been a huge fan of the original version of this film, 2008’s “Let the Right One In”.  That film, a slow-moving, quiet Swedish meditation on childhood, eternal love and–oh yeah, vampires–is certainly an acquired taste and a nearly singular event in the world of movies.  When I heard there was going to be an American remake, I feared the worst.  (American re-makes of recent horror movies tend to make them all look like teenage slasher flicks).  I didn’t even go to see the this year’s remake until it was in the dollar theater (and Mary had harangued me about it enough, insisting it was really good.)  So I wnet, and it was really good.  In fact, some days I think I like it better than the Swedish original.  It maintains the contemplative, dirge-like heart of the original while satisfying what I did not realize was my desire to see just a little bit more vampire ass-kicking.  (and the one-shot interior of a car rolling down a cliff is joltingly energizing.)  And much kudos to the remake for maintaining the subtle yet gut-wrenching end of the first film and not feeling the need to show us more than we needed to see.

6.  127 Hours

 

 

 

 

Danny Boyle’s movie about the real-life hiker who had to cut his own arm off is as mesmerizing as the reviews would have you believe:  visually arresting, sometimes shocking, with the performance of a lifetime by James Franco (who I crown this year’s all-around Most Talented Man); Boyle, Franco and crew explore the very pit of human nature in what could have been a treacly, overcoming the odds story but what is instead a “Trainspotting” for the 2000s.

5.  Black Swan

 

 

 

 

 

It’s not very often that a gothic horror dance drama opens wide in American theaters, and rarer still that one of today’s most exciting filmmakers (Darren Aronofsky) teams up with some of the most under-utilized actresses in the business to make a movie that gradually makes them very unattractive.  (that is praise)  It’s not quite as creepy as the commericials make it look, but it was more “unsettling” than I’d expected.  Points scored for guts alone.  Also, like “Ondine”, a gorgeous pairing of visuals and music, often in hideous juxtaposition.

4.  Jack Goes Boating

 

 

 

 

 

Philip Seymour Hoffman’s directorial debut (from a screenplay by Bob Glaudini based on his celebrated play) is certainly the most ignored film of the year.  It’s theme of life never quite being the way we envision it—that relationship that is not perfect, the dinner that didn’t taste right, the car that you allowed to get dirty—is a difficult nut to crack, but Hoffman pulls it off with brio via a series of scenes in which his character, Jack, mimes his visualizations for his ideal life in the hopes that they’ll come to fruituion (including, naturally, boating).  More than any film this year, “Jack Goes Boating” has stuck with me and influenced my worldview (it doesn’t score higher on the list due to a few minor characterization flubs).  Also, thanks go to this movie for breathing renewed life into hipster-favorite band Fleet Foxes’ masterpiece self-titled album.

3.  Inception

 

I’ve probably blogged more than enough about this movie this year already.  You know how I feel about it.  A nutty head-trip on the level of huge blockbusters like “Star Wars” that is actually about the sanctity of the human mind and the mysteries of memory, filmed like a technicolor Escher painting and sporting the most adventurous film score in decades.  If Hans Zimmer doesn’t win an Oscar for this score, I’m moving to Canada.

2.  Winter’s Bone

 

 

 

 

 

To simply read the plot synopsis of “Winter’s Bone” makes the film sound trite and cliche: a young girl living in the country, taking care of her nearly comatose mother and two young siblings, must find her absentee bail-jumping father or the bank will take the family home.  But the plot itself is nearly forgotten in a maze of bizarre complications, both byzantine and grotesque.  We follow our lead character (a breaking-through Jennifer Lawrence) through a series of back-country set pieces so authentic and abyssmal that you can almost smell the cat piss inside, and the cow shit outside.  Although it is neither set in nor was it filmed in Pennsylvania, it is a world I recognize: backyards alitter with empty chicken coops, car engines and sun-bleached plastic swingsets, and in the houses men and women with rusty shotguns and unwashed flannel shirts and lice infestations.  This is a world filled with angry people who do vicious things, and they do not want to help Jennifer Lawrence’s character on her mission to save her family.  There is very little redemption in “Winter’s Bone” (though there is some) but it is a vivid, disheartening snapshot of a world almost never portrayed.

1.  I’m Still Here

 

 

 

 

 

That’s right.  My #1 movie is the Joaquin Phoenix “documentary” that just about everybody seems to hate.  Well, first, it is not in any way a documentary, and second, it’s totally amazing.

I admit, on first viewing, I was also unsure how much was real and how much was fake.  Either way, I knew immediately that I loved it.  The “character” of Joaquin is a horrible man undergoing an almost comically difficult transformation.  His friends (including Casey Affleck) seem to care very little, and facilitate his destruction to the very end.  The final shot of the film is a cinematic kick to the balls that, quite literally, haunts my dreams.

A viewing of the filmmaker’s commentary on the DVD (which includes tracks by both Affleck and Phoenix) reveals in no uncertain terms that not one moment of the film is “documentary”.  This is a fictional movie, which had a screenplay and everything.  The one major difference between “I’m Still Here” and other fictional films is that, built into the story is a need for the film to be played out in public, with the world at large believing the events to be real.  Rather than a “hoax”, this is just a natural necessity of the plot of the film.  When viewed 20 years from now, after Phoneix’s “public meltdown” is long since forgotten, “I’s Still Here” will be able to be seen context-free and the nature of the masterpiece might then finally become clear.

(on a sidenote, mere weeks ago Entertainment Weekly quizzically wondered why “I’m Still Here” had not submitted itself for consideration in the Documentary category of the Oscars.  Needless to say, this enflamed me. Had nobody at the world’s foremost entertainment magazine watched the film and then the commentary track?  I promise you, world, there is no doubt that this movie is fictional and is intended to be seen as fictional.  For instance, just a few minutes into the film—when watching the commentary track—Joaquin Phoneix’s “assistant” is seen on screen, at which point he says her “real name” and tells us “she’s the actress that played my assistant in ths movie.”  This kind of reveal is repeated over and over again thoughout the commentary.  You know.  Like in a real movie.)

Never have I seen such bold, ballsy, artful filmmaking.  There is, in the end, little “point” to the exercise.  It is not a meditation on the nature of fame, or on the heriditary nature of drug-addled falls-from-grace.  It is a character study, but an intensive one, and like all character studies, in the end analysis it makes us come face to face with our own characters, who we are, and what is right with us and what is wrong with us.

 (“I’m Still Here” is currently available to watch instantly on Netflix)

 

Honorable mentions:

“True Grit”, “The Social Network”, “The Town”, “The Kids Are All Right”, “The Fighter”, “Ghost Writer”, “Greenberg”, “Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work”, “Babies”, “Tron Legacy”, “Fair Game”, “Paranormal Activity 2”, “The Tempest”, “Jackass 3D”, “Secretariat”, “Please Give”, “A Solitary Man”

 

The One Where I Whine About Things

1.  Everyone who gets my phone number here in Erie says, “Oh, 717, that’s the New York area code!”  No, no it’s not.

2.  We are almost at the shortest day of the year!!!  Which means soon they’ll start getting longer! Yaaaayyyy!!!

3.  After a very promising start, the Columbus Blue Jackets are once again in last place in their division.  They started as one of the best teams in the NHL!  Granted that was just in the first few weeks, but still, I was getting excited.  And still, even while it was happening, I could find NO mention of them in the press or anywhere, and in all the sports-themed stores at the mall (3 of them) I cannot find a single item with their logo, whereas I can find almost every other pro team in every sport.  Why does the whole world ignore the Blue Jackets???

4.  Entertainment Weekly‘s year-end top ten list of novels did not include—anywhere on the top ten—Jonathen Franzen’s Freedom.  This goes beyond bizarre.  I mean, for it to not even BE ON the top ten list seems like it must be an actual accident.  (for those not into books, this omission is like “Avatar” not being on a top ten list of movies in 2009, except the book doesn’t suck.)

5.  Just because you see I very recently posted soemthing on Facebook does not mean I am all of a sudden obligated to text you back.  I am not just laying around, posting to Facebook in a void of activity.  I often post something right in the middle of the stream of life. I’ll text you back when I’m good and ready!

(sorry, just doing some venting)