My Near-Death Experience

I have a habit of sometimes writing about things on this blog that some people feel veer a little too uncomfortably into the personal; it’s always just been a hallmark of my writing and this blog’s tone, so why not hit y’all with the fact that I just had a colonoscopy?

I did.  Just a few hours ago, in fact.  And let me end the suspense right here at the beginning: I’m fine (or relatively so). However, I’ve spent the last three weeks in an absolute hell of worry, talking myself into near-certainty that I had advanced colon cancer.

I don’t. I very probably have Ulcerative Colitis, and a mild form of it, at that. And I’m usually very good at not talking myself into thinking I’m dying.  I’m not a symptom Googler, I don’t scour WedMD for every little thing that happens to me, but (without giving you uncomfortable details) about a month ago, the things that started happening to me were very troubling and all-but demanded Googling. And anyone who has ever Googled a symptom can tell you: it is not a good idea.

So yeah, I spent the last few weeks planning out my funeral.  I tried so, so hard to not let my mind go there, but I just couldn’t stop it.  All my love and deepest appreciation to my partner Karla for putting up with my paranoia, but also assuring me that even if it WAS the “big C”, well, we’d just deal with it.

So today is one of those days in your life when the sigh of relief is huge.  I can start thinking like a normal person again, pondering the future, and, most importantly, getting back into the gym :)

As a side note, let me tell you, if you have not had a colonoscopy, you’ll want to avoid it.  The procedure itself isn’t so bad (they put you to sleep) but the prep…I had to go something like 36 hours without solid food (this was basically the worst it could be as my procedure was at 3:30pm, is it had been at 8am it would have been much easier) and the…shall we say “cleansing process” is really mind-blowing.  Just.  You don’t want to do it.

So I’m in a special place tonight.  Glowing with a kind of rebirth and with a marvelously full belly.  And plans to get back into the gym soon.  I had plans to write a much longer, more substantive breakdown of the experience, but I am, of course, quite fatigued.  It’s been an interesting day.