My Near-Death Experience

I have a habit of sometimes writing about things on this blog that some people feel veer a little too uncomfortably into the personal; it’s always just been a hallmark of my writing and this blog’s tone, so why not hit y’all with the fact that I just had a colonoscopy?

I did.  Just a few hours ago, in fact.  And let me end the suspense right here at the beginning: I’m fine (or relatively so). However, I’ve spent the last three weeks in an absolute hell of worry, talking myself into near-certainty that I had advanced colon cancer.

I don’t. I very probably have Ulcerative Colitis, and a mild form of it, at that. And I’m usually very good at not talking myself into thinking I’m dying.  I’m not a symptom Googler, I don’t scour WedMD for every little thing that happens to me, but (without giving you uncomfortable details) about a month ago, the things that started happening to me were very troubling and all-but demanded Googling. And anyone who has ever Googled a symptom can tell you: it is not a good idea.

So yeah, I spent the last few weeks planning out my funeral.  I tried so, so hard to not let my mind go there, but I just couldn’t stop it.  All my love and deepest appreciation to my partner Karla for putting up with my paranoia, but also assuring me that even if it WAS the “big C”, well, we’d just deal with it.

So today is one of those days in your life when the sigh of relief is huge.  I can start thinking like a normal person again, pondering the future, and, most importantly, getting back into the gym :)

As a side note, let me tell you, if you have not had a colonoscopy, you’ll want to avoid it.  The procedure itself isn’t so bad (they put you to sleep) but the prep…I had to go something like 36 hours without solid food (this was basically the worst it could be as my procedure was at 3:30pm, is it had been at 8am it would have been much easier) and the…shall we say “cleansing process” is really mind-blowing.  Just.  You don’t want to do it.

So I’m in a special place tonight.  Glowing with a kind of rebirth and with a marvelously full belly.  And plans to get back into the gym soon.  I had plans to write a much longer, more substantive breakdown of the experience, but I am, of course, quite fatigued.  It’s been an interesting day.

There Are Some Remedies Worse Than the Disease

Wow, what a night with This Will Destroy You! I’d seen them once before, just a few years ago, and the experience was mostly the same, but they had more songs from their most recent album (which are somewhat different from the rest of their canon and add a nice flair to their setlist).  They aren’t a theatrical or energetic live show, but if you are invested in their music, it is very, VERY emotional.  I’ve included tonight’s setlist, every song is a link to the studio version of that song for any people who are interested in this band.  And the concert might seem short, but bear in mind the live versions of some of these songs go past the 15 minute mark:

 

1.  The Mighty Rio Grand
2. Dustism
3. New Topia
4. They Move on Tracks of Never-Ending Light
5. There Are Some Remedies Worse Than the Disease
6. Serpent Mound
7. A Three-Legged Work Horse
8. Black Dunes
9. Brutalism & The Worship of the Machine
10. Threads

Encore Break

1. Glass Realms
2. Burial on the Presidio Banks
3. Quiet

 

This Will Destroy You

I could not be more excited to see This Will Destroy You tomorrow right here in Harrisburg! Yes, this is a band with a somewhat annoying name (until you get used to it and actually love the name) but they have gradually, over the past few years, become one of the more important bands to me in my life.

This Will Destroy You (TWDY) is what is known as a post rock band, although that term, post-rock, can be argued about at length exactly what it means or what qualifies.  The commonly accepted definition is a group of people that plays strictly instrumental rock music, typically long songs, 10 minutes or longer, with multiple sections, no refrain or chorus musically, and an intense quiet/loud dynamic, although any of these elements can be changed, and the fundamental post-rock-ness remains.

Anyway, I began to love this band about 4 years ago, right before Karla and I got together. I had heard their name here and there as I was making me my way down my post rock journey, and had just started listening to their first album when Karla and I got together. I was still living in Philadelphia and she was living in Harrisburg, and she would come to see me about every two weekends. One weekend, TWDY was playing a show in Philly, and she was coming to see me that day, but she wasn’t going to be getting in until late at night. So I left her my door key, and I went to the concert. I remember feeling amazed at the concert, listening to this music that meant so much to me, that was so intense and so profound, knowing that the woman who I already knew I was going to be with for the rest of my life was laying in my bed back in my Philadelphia apartment. Which by the way I was going to ride my bike to after the concert; I was so hip. I felt so amazing, perhaps, the most amazing I’ve ever felt in my life. When I got home that night, I slid into bed with her and woke her up and talked to her about the show, then as she fell back asleep, I put their self titled album on the stereo quietly, and I drifted off to the sounds of Burial on the Presidio Banks.

My relationship with the band has only deepened over the past few years since I moved back to central Pennsylvania. I have acquired a jewel of a collection of their vinyl albums, including the centerpiece of the my post rock collection, their “Live from Reykjavik” on three vinyl records. In addition, the very first movie that Karla and I ever saw in a theater was “Room”, in which their song  The Mighty Rio Grande is featured during what is arguably the turning point and the most intense part of the movie. See below:

 

It is arguable that I put on this band’s music more often than any others, even though at this point I still would not classify them as my actual favorite band, but it is the perfect mood music, when I’m feeling a little down, when I feel like I need inspiration, when I’m reminiscing, when I’m writing. This band’s music runs through the fabric of my life almost like no other band, and somehow, tomorrow night, they’re playing a show in Harrisburg!

My favorite song of theirs is this one, A Three-Legged Work Horse: