The Soundtrack of My Skinny Jeans

There is a lot of trash around my neighborhood.  Like, ALOT.  I suspect it is a result of there being snow cover essentially all winter long (preventing any random trash from being cleaned up or blowing away, etc) and then having all of the snow melt in one day, in addition to there being so many cancelled trash pickups due to aforementioned snow.  But seriously, my hood looks like ass.  I hope the city has a plan to clean this all up, because we’re not going to do it ourselves, and as things are, Pennsport and really all of South Philly kind of looks like something from Judgment Night.

Speaking of Judgment Night, anyone near my age remember that soundtrack?  Remember how that was kind of a big deal, with rock bands playing with rap stars?  Remember the Crow soundtrack?  Is this still happening, soundtracks that are big deals?  I don’t really hear about it, and I’d be tempted to think it’s because I’m too old, but really, let’s be honest, I’m still really fucking hip.  I heard a few rumbling about some of the Twilight and Hunger Games soundtracks (a few of “my” bands had songs on them) but they didn’t seem to be cultural milestones.

Speaking of me being “hip”, let’s get something straight: I am not a hipster.  Not even close.  For all those reading, let’s define what “hipster” has come to mean over the past few years. It means this guy:

First of all, in this guy’s defense, Swans is a badass band.

But clearly, I am not this guy.

I like a lot of what hipsters like.  I like the same bands.  I like the same authors (because hipsters read!).  I like the same movies.  We have the same worldview, typically.

Hipsters and I even share the trait that we kind of think we’re pretty great, and the stuff we like is probably better than the stuff you like.

But…hipsters want constant credit for it.  They want to dress and grow facial hair and present themselves to the world in a way that demands your attention and that you acknowledge they are hipsters.  Despite outward appearances, I do actually have a very well-formed fashion philosophy that involves minimalism and austerity.  I don’t wear any jewelry.  I don’t accessorize.  It’s not as though I want to “blend in”, but more a nod to the notion that the content of my work, words, and deeds is what defines me.  I define myself through the way I walk, the way I glare at you as I pass you, the way I laugh with my head turned down while patting you on the back.  My simplistic and earth-toned style of dress is not meant to make me blend into the pack, but instead to put me, myself, and the content of my personality front and center, and not have the focus be on the quirkiness of my outward presentation.  The way I see it, any boring, fluffy fraud can pick out bullshit clothes at a thrift shop and grow a Rollie Fingers ‘stache.  It takes balls to be compelling with a t-shirt on.

There are many other substantive ways in which I differ from hipsters: they’re mostly vegan, I’m mostly beef and cheese.  They’re all about tattoos and piercing and I’m indifferent (I have one tattoo almost by accident).  And on and on.  But mostly it’s about people: they want to be defined as part of this group, and I want to be defined as only me.  I am not a part of any movement.  For the love of science, folks, how could anyone who knows me and also is familiar with hipsters think that I am a hipster??  Please think for yourselves.  You can like My Morning Jacket and not be a hipster.

SPEAKING OF BANDS I LIKE (I am doing great with transitions in this entry!) this coming Monday I am seeing Arcade Fire.  So pumped!  Anyway, before this tour started, they announced they would like the folks attending their shows to wear either formal attire or costume (here is an article about it and here is another one…and that second article is not at all happy about it).  Believe it or not, there was actual backlash about this!  I mean, this is Arcade Fire, not freakin’ Foo Fighters.  What kind of person would be a fan of this band and not like this, or at least be unsurprised by it?  This sort of thing is exactly why we like Arcade Fire!  They make badass quirk rock that you can hang in the Louvre…I don’t want to see their show in jeans and a t-shirt.  If I owned jeans (hipsters wear jeans, I don’t own a pair, so fuck you).

Anyway, I stopped by a costume store today to find something to wear.  I bought this awesome mask.  I’m not sure about the jacket…should I wear what I have on in this picture, or something goofy, or something “normal”?