It occurs to me with no lack of regularity that, because of my persistent status as single and childless, that I have significantly fewer opportunities to receive presents as the rest of you romantic and procreating beasts. And hey, listen, I’m gonna admit something most people avoid saying out loud: I would like more presents!
So recently, I was thinking, maybe it’s not just the lack of Valentines, Father’s Day, and anniversary (as well as the extra gifts one gets at Christmas and birthdays etc, from your significant other and children) that are preventing me from getting a significant amount of free goods. Perhaps part of the problem is, when gifting times roll around, many of you potential gifters think my interests are limited to just a few things, like pompous music, post-1930s American and British poetry, and the films of Alfred Hitchcock, and you just don’t know how to buy presents for a guy like that! And, while it is true that I really love those things, the fact of the matter is, I have literally hundreds of interests, and with the advent of the internet, there is nearly no shortage of ways you can spend money on me! And the internet also means it is very easy for me to re-sell something you may accidentally get me that I already have!
So, in case you have just been hankering to buy a gift for a guy but don’t know who the hell Philip Larkin is, I will here lay out for you a massive list of interests I rarely talk about, but I assure you I am just crazy for!
1. Soundtracks to movies made before 1980 on vinyl records
2. Anything to do with early thought on city planning, especially dealing with pioneer Jane Jacobs
3. I like hats
4. I like notebooks to write in, but not one with Hallmark-y or sentimental messages printed on the cover
5. Corduroy clothing
6. I collect old postcards, preferably with messages written on them, preferably from 1915 and earlier
7. Single-issue Marvel comics (any title) from between 1993-1997 are usually a good bet
8. Anything celebrating the state of Pennsylvania, especially including its coat of arms
9. Back-issues of Discover magazine, pre-2005.
10. Post-it notes, white-out, index cards, legal pads, mechanical pencils
11. Owls
12. Games for the original Game Boy (original only, no Game Boy color!)
13. First edition of any book by Orson Scott Card, Dave Eggers, Flannery O’Connor, or John Updike
14. Hoodies or winter coats ordered from the websites of any of my favorite bands.
15. Anything that you see on this list, if you can find a mousepad that in some way depicts or deals with it, I would like to own that mousepad
16. I have a genuine interest in the Johnstown Flood. Aside from the famous book by David McCullough, I own nothing about it.
17. Aside from the DVDs, any merchandise or materials related to the film “Labyrinth” would be a home run.
18. I have a high interest in the European particle accelerator known as the Large Hadron Collider, or LHC (sometimes also called CERN). Yes, there is merchandise.
19.  I love Grey Flannel cologne but haven’t owned any in years.
20. Any DVD that says it is part of the “Criterion Collection”…you can buy me that.
21. I am a big fan of motorized inclined planes, or “funiculars“.
22. I love backscratchers. It is not possible for me to own too many of them.
23. Books or materials about early American filmmaking are always great (post 1910 and D.W. Griffiths only, I have no interest in Edison’s important but dreadfully boring experiments).
24. Dr. Strange is my favorite comic book character. I have plenty of stuff but feel free to take a leap of faith, there’s a lot out there. Statues, figures, and busts are especially desired.
25. The easiest thing on the list: I love all Philadelphia sports teams.
26. I have an interest in Quantum Physics. There are tons of books and DVDs on the subject. I will read and watch them all.
27. John Sloan, the painter. That man painted my soul.
28. I am intrigued by the lost colony of Roanoke and would love to learn more about it.
29. Post-Revolution, my favorite historical figure is Aaron Burr.
30. I could always use a new (good) digital camera.
31. I have an interest in but have not read much about behavioral psychologist BF Skinner.
32. I am a major evangelist for Dr. Pepper, and even more specifically Diet Dr. Pepper, and I will, without irony, wear, brandish, or otherwise use merchandise imprinted with this soda’s logo.
33. I have always been smitten with now-deceased scientist Carl Sagan, and any of his books are welcome. Likewise, his television series, “Cosmos”, and any materials related to it, are high on my love list.
34. In the realm of living scientists, I have a bona fide man-crush on Neil DeGrasse Tyson and will gladly accept his books, DVDs, or tickets to see him speak somewhere.
35. I get weak in the knees for Ben and Jerry’s “Late Night Snack”.
36. Art Spiegelman’s masterpiece of graphic novel literature, “Maus”, is an all-time fave, but is always priced just out of reach.
37. Toblerones.
38. Coffee-table sized books featuring the art of Henri Rousseau, and/or merchandise featuring his paintings “The Dream” or “The Snake Charmer“. If I listed all of these items in order by what I’m interested in right now, this one might be #1.
39. I have an odd interest in the history of the Mormon religion, specifically the handcart disaster, the Mountain Meadows massacre, and the early life and “visions” of founder Joseph Smith.
40. I’d love a Polaroid camera.
41. I love coffee, of course, and there are a few things I still need, primarily a pour-over set for iced coffee and a French Press.
42. If I hit the lottery tomorrow, two of the first purchases I’d make would be the complete series of “The Fraggles” and “24” on DVD. Don’t judge me.
43. My favorite living poet is Billy Collins. I have all his books. See what else you can do.
44. I love riding my bike. But I’m not a serious biker, like, wearing spandex, etc. I do it just to cruise around. But I could use a new lock, gel seat cover, or other biking stuff you might think of. I could also use a new bike, but if you want to go that far, we should probably collaborate on that.
45. Anything relating to the old TV shows “Northern Exposure“, “Twin Peaks“, or “Picket Fences“. I own the entire series of “Northern Exposure”, but other than that, it’s open season.
46. I find the Donner party very interesting. I have read this book on it, but nothing else.
47. I like to use caramel coffee syrup in my coffee and oatmeal. I can never have too much of it.
48. I love newspapers, but it’s not easy to find merchandise regarding them, such as hats, shirts, etc. My favorite newspapers are The New York Times, The Philadelphia Inquirer, and USA Today.
49. Museum memberships. Any kind of museum. Art, history, whatever. I can’t imagine a gift I would love much more than a membership to just about any museum. Currently, I am a member of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, but no other museums.
50. Old coinage, pre-1900, from early America or other countries. Confederate money would be very cool.
Notes From the Fire 